Harry Potter And The Attack of the Sues
by Angel of Music lover
Summary: The Golden Trio finds an odd little bright pink book with an author named PrettySprinklesSparklesRainbow in the Forbidden Section... and they naively read it aloud. Adapted from a story by crazyroninchic! Rated T because Sues are unpredictable. -COMPLETE-
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: I got this idea from a story by crazyroninchic. I'm sure there are other people that borrowed this idea from her as well… fear not I am not trying to plagiarize you all! I'm just trying this kind of story out. Anyway, the idea is that the Golden Trio finds a Mary Sue story in the Forbidden Section in the Library. May also contain some poorly written ships, lol! I guess you could say this takes place during the middle of sixth year. **

**Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter, Mary Sues, or even the idea of this story. I just kinda own the plot. **

_**Harry Potter and the Attack of the Sues**_

"Come on Hermione, it'll be a cinch!"

"Oh I don't know Ron… it seems wrong to trick a teacher into doing something like this!"

"Well you certainly didn't have a problem in second year when you tricked old Gilderoy into writing a pass."

"I don't think I was even involved in that Ronald… wasn't I petrified at that point?"

"Will the both of you quit bickering and let's get this over with!"

"Sorry."

"Sorry."

Three teenagers made their way into the Potions classroom where there was a slightly pompous, if not overall kind, round teacher in there. Professor Slughorn, proud president of the Slug Club which was merely a creative way for Slughorn to show off some of his prized Potions students.

"Professor Slughorn?" Harry called, hoping the teacher wasn't gone. To his great relief he heard the characteristic babbling noise coming from the Potions office.

"Harry my boy… is that you? What a surprise for my star pupil to drop in during the weekend! You're friend isn't under another love potion is he?" Slughorn asked rather worriedly and with good reason. The last time he had tried to cure poor Ron he had ended up in the Hospital Wing. Ron was I mean. Said Professor came out into the classroom to meet the three students, glancing expectantly between each of them.

"No Professor. I was just wondering if I might get a pass so that I can look through the Forbidden Section. May I add how wonderful those robes look on you?" Harry added this last part rather hastily as he recognized the look of doubt on the older man's face.

"Well… I suppose you're going to look up books of a Potions related matter…" Slughorn asked, still looking a little doubtful.

"Of course sir… they don't give you the really challenging potions books in the regular section," Harry said quickly, hoping that their cover up wasn't too obvious. Slughorn broke into a wide smile and clapped Harry on the shoulder.

"Couldn't agree with you more Harry my boy!" he exclaimed loudly. With that he conjured a piece of parchment and hastily scribbled out a note. "There you are… that should satisfy Madame Pince…" Slughorn declared once he was finished. He handed the parchment over kindly towards Harry, which Harry accepted with an eager grin.

"Thank you very much Professor!" Harry said and sounded very pleased indeed. After several other practiced formalities between students and teacher the Golden Trio sped off towards the library.

"Excellent!" Ron exclaimed while examining the note. "Seems that the Slug Club has a use after all!" Harry laughed and even Hermione grinned a bit at their victory. "The Professor is a bit thick isn't he!" Ron added while handing the note to Hermione. It was also a good thing that Hermione had connections in the library, otherwise Madam Pince would simply turn her nose up at the three, note or no note.

…………………..

"Humph!" the librarian grunted, examining all three students. "I suppose this will do," she finally said as she handed the note over to the beaming and innocent looking Hermione.

"Thank you Madam Pince!" Hermione said, even giving a little curtsey for good measure. The librarian allowed a hint of a smile play on her lips before once more turning back to her duties. The two boys also grinned and raced off after Hermione towards the Forbidden Section.

"So we're looking for what exactly?" Hermione whispered as the boys all rummaged through the books. Harry and Ron stared rather blankly at their friend, who sighed sadly.

"I should have known…" she muttered. Hermione then turned to the shelf behind her and glanced at all the shelves. "Gruesome Oddities… no. Edward Finkleback: Story of a Modern Wizard Murderer and Rapist… god no!" Hermione babbled on to herself as Harry and Ron were probably immersed into some sort of gruesome and disgusting book at the moment. "Hmm… what's this?" she asked aloud. There was a small book perched on the top shelf… it appeared to be bright pink which greatly contrasted against the bleak looking books on the other shelves.

"Harry… Ron! Look at this!" Hermione hissed incredulously. Harry and Ron caught the tone in her voice and quickly were at her side to examine whatever it was she found.

"PrettySprinklesSparklesRainbow's Special Pretty Journal?" Ron asked, choking back laughter. Harry shoved his fist in his mouth to contain his laughter and tears were forming in the back of his eyes. Hermione was the only one who really got a look at the book… an unbelievable thought growing in her mind.

"Wonder what it's about," Harry choked out finally after gaining control of himself. Hermione's eyes narrowed as she grabbed the book back from Ron who was too busy pulling gently at the pink lace that surrounded and covered the book.

"Bloody hell… the girl even sewed little plastic gems on the side!" Ron exclaimed. Hermione turned the book over in her hands and her eyes narrowed so much it appeared that they were slits.

"I once heard of a great evil… possibly even worse than that of Voldemort," Hermione proclaimed so suddenly that Ron and Harry were startled out of their chortling. "It is that of the Mary Sues… they strike hard with their fluffiness and unreasonable skills… and they usually end up sleeping with most of the characters of their story," she continued in a low monotone voice. Harry and Ron looked in surprise at their friend and looked half tempted to escort her to the Hospital Wing.

"Er… Hermione…" Harry began but was silenced once more by another explanation from Hermione.

"A Mary Sue is a character thrown into a certain world and she is usually freakishly beautiful and talented… don't you understand? People write fanfiction about us… and Mary Sue is a character used by such fanatics." Harry and Ron once more gaped at the girl and started to grin.

"That was a good one Hermione," Ron chuckled, punching her in the arm lightly. Hermione's scowl deepened as she glared at Ron and Harry.

"Fine… if you don't believe me why don't we take this into the Common Room and read it?" Hermione challenged, throwing the book at the bimbos. "And while we're at it… why don't we invite our other friends to join us… I'm sure it will be entertaining for all," she snapped and waited impatiently for their reply.

"Sure," Harry shrugged, "It's just a book after all!" Ron nodded in agreement and the three headed out of the library.

…………………..

"Ahem!" Harry cleared his throat mockingly. Neville chuckled along with Seamus and Dean. Luna (who got in courtesy of Hermione) just sighed dreamily and distractedly while Ginny rolled her eyes along with Hermione.

"Just get on with the story!" Hermione snapped. Harry laughed and held his hands up in defeat and began to read out loud to the group.

_Hogwarts Gets a Makeover (giggle giggle!)_

_By: PrettySprinklesSparklesRainbow _

Harry cocked an eyebrow but continued on, thoroughly convinced that it was just a book and couldn't possibly hurt him.

_Like, first of all, welcome to my Special Pretty Journal! I should probably, like, describe myself to you because like (giggle giggle) then I won't have to in the story! Like, how lame would that be? Like, anyway, my name is Acacya (like the tree Acacia only cooler looking) and I have long auburn hair that falls like waves around my pale and delicate shoulders (giggle giggle)_

"Does it say if she has a Snarklefiss in her throat?" Luna suddenly asked. Everyone stopped to look at her in surprise. "Well she giggles so much it sounds like she might have a Snarklefiss in her throat… they tickle your throat and fill your head with vain thoughts so that you constantly giggle."

"Oh!" everyone cried together and then continued with the story.

_I have large (but not too large) green eyes that can like, change colors according to my outfit! _

"So how does she know their green?" Seamus asked.

_I'm about to turn fifteen in a few weeks and have had my fair share of "boyfriends" (twitter twitter, giggle giggle). Like, anyway, I'm thin but not TOO thin (I mean… I do eat about once a day as it is!) and people tell me that I'm pleasing to the eyes. _

"Here comes the point of the story," Hermione drawled.

_And like, one other thing you have to know is that I am totally in love with that sexy Harry Potter! He's like… the Sex God of the Wizarding World! (giggle) I would totally bear his children if he wanted me too… and like… who wouldn't refuse me? _

"Oh my god!" Ginny exclaimed, looking horrified.

"Just wait," Hermione retorted, looking a little nauseous herself.

_So anyway, this is my story! _

Harry looked up and it seemed that his green eyes stood out strongly against his pale skin.

"That's the end of the introduction," he whispered hoarsely. Everyone looked at him and began to chuckle.

"Come on… let's see what _Acacya _has to say!" Ron roared, enjoying Harry's obvious discomfort. Harry flushed crimson as he glared at his so-called best mate in fury.

"Fine… but I'm not reading it!" he snapped and tossed the little book over to Ron. Ron grinned cheekily at Harry and then took the now vacated armchair so that he could read comfortably.

"It's gonna be a long afternoon," Hermione muttered.

**A/N: Okay, so this is the story so far. Please let me know if you like it and want me to continue or if you have any concerns with me writing this story. Thanks! **

**Also… Acacia in Greek actually means "thorny and naïve" which is why I picked that particular name. **


	2. Way Too Much Sexiness

**A/N: Hey again! I know it's only been like… a day but I actually have some inspiration for this story and I got two reviews so… that's good enough for me at the moment. :D Read, hopefully enjoy, review. **

**Disclaimer: I do NOT own Harry Potter… I do own Acacya but that's kind of an embarrassment… :D**

Ron cleared his throat and flashed a wink over towards Hermione.

"_Cocky prat,"_ Hermione thought to herself scathingly. Ron grinned and gracefully flipped the pages until it reached the spot where Harry left off. Ron prepared himself for the girlish tone he was going to take on and finally began to read.

_I had been sitting on my squishy couch (tee hee) and was watching Harry Potter again. I giggled when Harry stormed onto the screen and sighed longingly for the man that I was obviously destined to be with. _

Harry flinched but otherwise remained stoic, trying to calm himself. It was just a silly little girl after all… nothing to be concerned about… just keep breathing normally… clear the mind…

_Then after my fiftieth sigh filled with passionate longing (giggle) I grabbed a piece of paper and started my twentieth list of what our children would look like. I even have a copy here in this journal! (tee hee!) Let's take a look! _

"Ron…" Harry cautioned. It looked like someone had painted random splotches of green across poor Harry's face and his eyes were wide and wild.

"Oh come on Harry… you know you're curious!" Ron laughed, turning the page loudly to create dramatic effect.

_First child- Son of course… he'll have Harry's sexy messy hair and will have my natural grace and talent. _

_Second child- Daughter… she'll have my long auburn hair that will fall like pure and soft waves of water behind her (even as a baby… giggle!) and she'll have Harry's smoldering gaze (twitter twitter!) _

"Brown water?" Dean choked out, shaking his head. "What did they do… dump mass amounts of toxic waste in the ocean or something?" The others chuckled, except for Harry who was holding his head in between his legs in case of the event of nausea.

_Third child- Son… I mean there has to be a pattern right? (giggle) He'll have my wavy brown hair and Harry's eyes… those eyes that a girl can drown herself in… (sigh twitter sigh) _

Ron fell silent as he scanned the page and then began to turn the pages slowly.

"This goes on for a good two pages… shall I move on?" Ron asked, finally tearing his gaze away from the book. Everyone nodded in agreement while Harry's own head looked like it was going to fly off he was shaking it so fast. Ron happily turned a few more pages and then began to read again.

_So I was sitting there, rewriting my list, when suddenly like this dirty old owl flew into my house. It landed on my head so I naturally squealed and waved it off because I couldn't afford to get an owl scent in my naturally scented hair. It was then that I saw it had a letter and my heart raced like it was a racehorse. My face grew warm and my body quivered as if I was in one of those massage chairs that kinda vibrates. _

"She makes odd connections with things…" Seamus added thoughtfully. The others were too busy gagging behind their hands to reply.

_I gracefully swept the letter of the owl's leg and gently tore open the letter…_

"Oh come on… how can you gracefully pull a letter off an owl? I mean they squirm and the letter is always tied too tight with all these intricate knots…" Ginny exclaimed in frustration, eyes blazing.

"People never really seem to consider that…" Dean added helpfully.

_And like, the owl was so taken by my gentle touch and exquisite beauty…_

"NO!" Hermione screamed, covering her ears. "IT'S ALREADY STARTING!" she howled in pain. Ron cocked an eyebrow and continued.

_That it's heart grew two sizes bigger and it flew away with pure happiness in his bones. _

An awkward silence prevailed as Hermione shrunk down in her seat. Everyone stared at her for a moment before Ron finally broke the silence.

"What were YOU thinking she meant Hermione?" Ron asked nonchalantly. Hermione just shook her head, blushed deeper, and gave a mousy little squeak. Ron shrugged and continued on.

_I turned back to my letter and read it silently to myself (because I'm skilled like that!) _(An amused snort emitted from Seamus's nose.) _And in delight I noticed that it was, like, a letter from Hogwarts! That poor little owl flew all the way from England to deliver it to me… that must have been why it was so stinky._

"WHAT?" Harry roared, looking shocked. "You mean she doesn't even live in England? Bloody hell!"

_Suddenly Dumbledore himself apparated into my room (tee hee) and told me he had heard of my suppressed magical skills and amazing beauty all the way in England._

"_But I've never practiced magic!" I giggled, smiling at the old man. He smiled back kindly (does anyone else think his smile is sexy?). _

"_True magic comes from the heart… and yours is filled to the brim with it!" _

"She thinks that Dumbledore is sexy too?" Hermione cried in horror. The others just stared blankly ahead, wondering if this book was more harmful than it appeared.

"And Dumbledore may have come hokey lines… but that is one that he would NEVER utter!" Harry cried dramatically. The others mumbled in agreement.

"Besides… anyone with brains could see that she has no heart!" Neville muttered darkly. Everyone turned in surprise towards him... I mean… Neville actually said something mean!

_I giggled prettily as my hair tossed and rippled like it naturally does. He laughed with me and I realized happily that my laugh was far superior to his old croak. With that said, he gave my head a little tap with his wand and we were standing instantly outside of Hogwarts. _

"She obviously has no concept of what magic is…" someone muttered bitterly.

"Wait… I just realized something…" Seamus said slowly. "She said she's turning fifteen?" The others nodded, not quite seeing his point. "Well… isn't it physically impossible to be accepted into the school when you're fifteen? I mean… it just wouldn't work!"

"Bloody hell… I think you're on to something Seamus!" Ginny cried in surprise.

_Dumbledore told me that clothes were not important because he saw deep inside of me that I had the ability to just magically acquire any outfit I desired with a single thought. The idea thrilled me (giggle) and I instantly tried it out. In, like, a second I had on a black leather outfit that would make anyone else look like a hooker. It looked ravishing on me of course. _

"There's such a thing called dress code!" Hermione snapped, having recovered her voice after her previous embarrassment.

_The skirt could have been shorter though… I mean it only showed most of my thigh instead of all of it (giggle). With a confidence and grace that only I possess I strode up to the entrance hall and entered the Great Hall where the Beginning of the Year feast was taking place. Everyone stopped in awe as I floated into the room and even the most ravenous of first years stopped eating to admire me. _(There came a loud "humph!" from what was guessed to be Hermione) _The Sorting Hat saw me and tears filled his old dusty eyes. _

"_Acacya, your beauty and talent is unmatched! As of this day there is a new house dedicated to you! It will be called… The Unicorn!" _

"And somewhere the few surviving unicorns weep tears of despair," Harry muttered. His face had returned to a rather normal shade as he hadn't been mentioned in a while. This greatly relieved him of course.

_I giggled in delight and was told by some crusty old lady in green robes that I could sit anywhere I pleased. I glanced around the room, searching for the man I had lusted over for so long. But first I saw Draco Malfoy, the sexy stud, and nearly just sat over there instead. He was practically calling me to come sit by him. _

Ron was interrupted however when there came a loud bang from the portrait that led into the Common Room. Standing in the entrance was one Draco Malfoy… oh the cruel irony.

"Someone told me that Saint Potter was being humiliated by a little pink book!" he smirked, cocking a well manicured eyebrow. Before anyone could say anything Malfoy had sat down as far away from the others as possible and prepared himself for a good laugh. Ron's face split into a grin and he continued on happily.

_I could see the sexy Malfoy (tee hee!) wink at me and even scoot farther down the bench as if he was welcoming me. Oh the sexiness of it all…_

"Doesn't she have any other word to use besides sexy?" Ginny suddenly blurted out.

_He winked another sexy eye at me and ran a hand through his sexy hair so sexily that I could hardly resist the sexiness. _

"Apparently not," Ginny grumbled.

_Acacya then turned as she heard a familiar and beckoning voice call across the Great Hall. It was Harry Potter, she realized. _

"Did she just switch point of views?" Neville asked in surprise, ignoring the cowering Draco.

"Yes I think she did… the idiot," Ron muttered darkly.

"What kind of bloody book is this Weasley?" Draco spat. It was then that everyone noticed that Draco was very close to either smirking in triumph or performing the killing curse on himself.

"It's a Mary Sue," Hermione stated in a matter-of-fact tone. Draco raised his eyebrows and seemed to be at a crossroads. Very slowly he went as though to stand up and leave the room.

"There's no way you're leaving now Malfoy," Ginny said simply. "You brought this on yourself." Draco stared at her for a moment before sinking back into his seat. Despite the sickness of it all Draco was curious as to where the story would go.

"The chapter ends here… who wants to read next?" Ron asked in a false cheeriness. No one volunteered. "Fine then!"

**A/N: Like I said… Sues can be unpredictable. Please let me know how you liked this chapter and if I should continue or not. **


	3. Suggestions, Smirks, and Hermione

**A/N: Yay for reviews:D Here's the next chapter for you all. **

**Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter… I barely own the plot! **

"Well… here I go…" Ron said sadly. Everyone stared blankly back at the red-head, smiling a little. "Going on to read this… book…" Ron said again, trying to prompt someone to take the job of reading from him. He was rewarded with the smug sniggers from Hermione. "Oh fine," he mumbled angrily.

_Acacya turned beautifully, all six colors of her hair catching in the light as she turned, and faced the Boy-Who-Lived. He had been previously laughing with his friends but once he saw the outstandingly gorgeous Acacya all laughter died. He stared deep into her emerald/sapphire/ruby/hazel eyes and found himself lost in them. Acacya blushed daintily as she noticed his stare, looking down bashfully. _

"Oh… gag!" Ginny cried, disgruntled. Harry meanwhile was sitting quietly in the corner and looked as if he was trying to think of other things instead of the little pink book.

"How is she able to turn in that leather?" Neville pondered.

_She felt her pulse quickening as Harry excused himself from the table and made towards her. J.K. Rowling really didn't do the poor boy justice. He was much taller than described and not scrawny in the least. In fact, all that Quidditch must have really buffed him up because his muscles were practically spilling out from his muscle shirt. _

"AGAIN WITH THE DRESS CODE!" Hermione screeched angrily. Everyone glanced at her and laughed nervously.

"Well I certainly didn't know Potter was such a stud," Malfoy sneered. Harry glanced down at his own skinny arms and scowled over at Malfoy.

"Just wait until she gets to you again Mr. Sexy!" It was Malfoy's turn to scowl.

"_I'm Harry Potter," he purred softly, taking Acacya's hand and kissed it. (Aww…! OMG! Isn't he just a sexy little gentleman?) _

Ginny looked ready to tear out the author's hair while Hermione looked torn between disgusted and amused. Harry however was rubbing his lips with his hands furiously as though he was revolted at the thought of kissing Acacya's hand. Seamus and Dean were just trying to keep straight faces, Malfoy was in his corner sniggering hysterically, and Neville was blushing furiously at the thought of anyone kissing someone.

"Potter purrs," Malfoy smirked, barely containing laughter.

"_I'm Acacya she replied, blushing a little more at the contact. Harry smiled brilliantly at her and began to lead her to the table. _

"_Are you new here?" he asked in his wonderful British accent. Acacya smiled and tossed her hair again so that it fell in sparkling waves. _

"_Yes… I'm from America," she replied silkily. Harry raised his eyebrows in surprise but smiled at her again. _

"_I guess you're not the first to come from America… Ron gets lots of girls that way," Harry replied. The same Ronald Weasley turned to get a better look at Acacya and found himself smiling goofily at her. _

The previously amused Ron now grew silent and solemn. Everyone else glanced at each other in laughter, Harry especially since the attention was now taken from him. Ron cleared his throat anxiously and continued reading as if nothing was wrong.

_Ron wasn't too shabby either… I mean red hair is a real turn on for me. Who would have thought I could find two totally hot guys that hang around each other time? (Giggle… that was a hint!) _

"Oh lord," Ron groaned. Malfoy let out a short bark of laughter and rubbed his hands together happily. "She wouldn't!" Ron cried as the reality sunk in.

"Oh… she would," Hermione responded. Ron looked ready to cry and he fought to keep his voice at its normal pitch.

_I giggled at him and looked away from his slack jawed stare. That was when I saw… her. I knew her name was Hermione but I never realized how… ugly she was. Her hair stuck out wildly everywhere and she…_

"Did she switch points of views again?" Neville asked suddenly. Everyone nodded silently and Neville shrugged. "Okay then."

_Has a face that rather resembles a man. Acacya smirked at her and noticed how dingy her hastily applied makeup looked on her muddy looking face. _("Again with the changing of the perspectives!" Neville cried)_ Acacya was just glad that her own mother wasn't a cow like dear Hermione's parents obviously were. Rowling seriously played up Hermione's supposed appearance. _

Ginny gave Hermione a gentle pat on the shoulder while the latter trembled in rage. Her fists were clenchedso tight that you could see the nail marks being imprinted on her palms.

"That… little… hooker…" she muttered and everyone drew back in surprise. Well everyone but Luna who was staring dreamily off in space.

"Hermione!" Dean managed to gasp. Hermione just glared at him so hard that he nearly fell over. There was a silence until Ron decided it was a good time to start up again.

_Acacya took a seat next to the little slime ball and tried to ignore Hermione's looks of awe. Poor thing probably had never seen such a beautiful girl before. Acacya let her eyes sweep over the tables and she pretty much liked what she saw. There were tons of Quidditch hunks and lots of disgusting girls. It was perfect. _

"_Ron… Hermione," Harry said this last name regretfully. "This is Acacya, she's from America!" Ron beamed and reached out his hand to shake. _

"_How's it going so far then?" Ron asked while still swallowing food. Acacya smiled graciously and began to answer but found herself rudely cut off. _

"_But Hogwarts: A History clearly says that…" Hermione rudely began in her scratchy low voice. Acacya laughed and shook her head, causing her hair to be put into a different style. _

"_But we don't care what your precious book has to say!" Acacya laughed. Harry and Ron laughed uproariously with her while Hermione glowered in an ugly manner. _

"_That is the BEST joke I've heard in a while," Harry gasped approvingly, wiping tears from behind his glasses. _

"Did anyone here find that funny?" Ron asked. Draco raised his hand but otherwise the room remained motionless.

"_Do these tables serve anything besides pudding?" Acacya suddenly asked. Harry shrugged and helped himself to more pudding. "We'll have to put a stop to that," she growled (while still sounding feminine… giggle!). Acacya stood up on the table and shouted out as loud as she could. "Who prepares these meals!" she demanded. _

"_She is so hot," Harry breathed lightly. Suddenly a little row of elves came and stood before Acacya, trembling in response to her anger. _

"_We does miss," the littlest elf replied. Acacya's eyebrows raised as she glanced through them. _

"_How much do you get paid?" she asked kindly. When none answered her eyes were filled with rage. "You don't get paid anything?" she roared. "That is inhumane! It's cruel! It's barbaric!" she shouted, glaring at Dumbledore. \"And you don't receive enough provisions to make a decent meal…" she muttered tragically. _

Hermione's face now resembled a tomato… she had never been more upset in her life.

"She better not… oh she just better not…" Hermione hissed with her eyes narrowed. She rather resembled a snake then.

"_I say that the elves receive full payment for their labors and not to be treated like common animals!" Acacya said. The elves gave a great cheer while dancing around with each other. They had never had someone stick up for them before. _(A faint growl could be heard from Hermione.) _Dumbledore clapped his hands and bowed his head in appreciation. _

"_You're words have made me see the error of my ways. Starting tomorrow all the elves will be paid… just like everyone else would!" Dumbledore said happily. The elves cheered once more and climbed up the table to hug Acacya out of joy. _

"_We is finally paid, miss! We is so happy you are coming to school here!" one elf cried. Acacya laughed and hugged each elf in return. Harry stood on the table with her and rubbed her shoulder affectionately. Acacya turned to him and beamed, trembling slightly from the contact. _

"That's the end of the chapter," Ron muttered… hasn't he said this before? Everyone muttered in distaste and glared at the little book as if wishing it to be set on fire. Draco looked rather smug himself however though… he has hardly been brought into the story at all. His time would come. Harry however was trembling, he seemed to know what was coming next.

**A/N: Okay, this is really for hersheygal unless there's someone else reading this that didn't really get what the whole elf thing was about. **

**House elves work at the school and they don't get paid (they however prefer it to be this way… they don't really want money). Hermione started a campaign called S.P.E.W. to try and get the elves normal wages but it never paid off. **

**Anyway, please review and tell me what you thought:D**


	4. Terrible Pasts and Needing an Exorcist

**A/N: I'm back! And so is Acacya… unfortunately. ANYWAY I'm going to finally have pity on Ron… _after_ this next chapter. Then I'll have someone else read… bwuahahahaha! (cough, cough) Sorry… something got caught in me throat… (AHEM) Please enjoy the story! **

**Disclaimer: If you read the first one it applies to this one as well. I don't own Harry Potter, Mary Sues, or even the basic idea of the story. Yeah… I just own Acacya… damn… **

"Come on! Can't someone else read?" Ron begged, hoping someone would take pity on him. Hermione tutted and shook her bushy hair wildly.

"Oh but dearest Ronald… wasn't it you that thought it was a harmless book?" she asked sweetly. Ginny sniggered, as well as everyone else in the room. Ron sighed heavily and began to mutter something about 'bloody women remember everything…'.

_The feast went on accordingly, except for Dumbledore cut down on his regular speech and spoke more about Acacya. _

"_My dear students, please welcome the intelligent, beautiful, sexy, gorgeous, perfect, generous, kind, intellectual, woman Acacya who is visiting from America! She will join the sixth years even though she is only about to turn 15… you see she's so skilled that she doesn't need all the other years of school. Did I mention she's a muggle?" The whole school cheered, even the Slytherins. _

"Oh dream on missy," Draco spat, looking annoyed. "Slytherins would never applaud an American muggle joining the school!"

_Acacya blushed as she caught Draco winking enticingly at her. It was enough to make her throw herself in his room and…_

Ron's voice dropped off at this point, his eyes wide in horror.

"Oh god… oh god I'm going to be sick," he mumbled, frantically turning the pages. "IT WON'T END! GOD IT'S LASTING FOREVER!"

"What is Weasley? What's lasting forever?" Draco whimpered, afraid of whatever it was that Ron was afraid of.

"Her… her fantasies Draco! Oh god they burn!" Ron shrieked, eyes tearing up from the horror. Draco's face turned green and he walked over to where Ron sat. He poked his head around the other boy's shoulder and his gray eyes scanned quickly over the paper. Malfoy gave a high pitched yelp and flew backwards, writhing in agonizing pain.

"Malfoy?" someone asked worriedly. Draco's eyes were rolling in the back of his head and he was muttering something in a different language… possibly… hmm… it sounds kind of like Latin and French crossed… weird. Strange gurgling noises also emitted from Draco's throat as his mouth began to froth dangerously.

"Someone pour water on him!" one person cried.

"Someone call Madam Pomfrey!" another shouted.

"Someone call an exorcist!" Seamus hollered, clutching something underneath his shirt. Ginny stood up and spoke a spell that allowed water to emit from the end of her wand, allowing it to pour all over Draco's face. Ron was no longer looking at the book but instead watching Draco's antics interestedly.

"For god sakes Wealette! Stop the water!" Malfoy sputtered. Ginny's eyes blazed and she made it so the water was boiling hot, left it on for a minute, and then turned it back off. When it was all done Malfoy's face looked horribly mangled and splotched, thanks to the hot water.

"Maybe we should stop for a minute…" Hermione suggested tentatively. Everyone looked between Malfoy and Ron, considered their mental stability, and nodded in reply. This allowed Draco and Ron to try and block the painful images that had been burned in their brains by PrettySprinkleSparklesRainbow.

Finally, the group seemed ready to tackle the rest of the story and quickly delved into the rest of the chapter, hoping no more harm would come to any of them.

_But then Acacya remembered sweet Harry next to her and realized that the Slytherin Sex God could wait for a while. She had a date with Harry that night. _

"_She also has a new House dedicated to her, which we decided to call Unicorn because it is the only creature on Earth that can compare to her," Dumbledore continued once the cheering died down. "This will be effective next year for the new batch of first years and any that wish to transfer next year… may." Acacya giggled at all the attention she was getting and bashfully clung to Harry's arm. _

"Yeah… bashfully… or something else?" Ron commented darkly. Everyone made a face and threw pillows at him, a sign for him to just keep his mouth shut and read.

"_Would the lovely lady like to say a few words?" Dumbledore asked, motioning to the glowing Acacya. _("Hasn't she said enough?" Dean asked.) _Acacya curtseyed gracefully and made her way to Dumbledore's seat. He eagerly moved so that she could face the entire school. _

"_My fellow students," she began in a silky voice that resembled the merry tinkling of a stream against river rocks. _("Honestly!") _Several catcalls were released and Acacya beamed over at the various tables they had erupted from. "I come here for the opportunity to learn and to partake in your daily activities! I hope that my natural abilities help the Wizarding Community in some drastic way… thank you," she finished sweetly, heading back down to the Gryffindor table. _

"Throw her off a cliff fake-Harry while you still have the chance!" Harry called suddenly, desperately hoping that this would be true.

_Harry beamed at her and leaned towards her to say something in his low and husky voice (giggle!)_

"_Brilliant speech," he breathed into her ear, causing Acacya's hairs on the back of her neck to stand on end. She smiled gently at him and thanked him. _

"_It was nothing… I've faced greater trials in my lifetime," she answered. It was then with a jolt that Acacya was forced to remember her terrible past. _

"Let me guess… some ridiculous sob story?" Neville asked sadly. Hermione nodded solemnly.

_She remembered back to what her home life was like… how awful it was! _

_(Flashback)_

"_Acacya! For goodness sake take out the garbage!" Acacya groaned from her luxurious bed and whimpered gently. _

"_But daddy… I told you why I couldn't take the garbage out!" she cried, tears forming in her eyes. Not again… she couldn't deal with this right now. After all, Brett had just been killed off during her favorite soap, "Days of Tomorrow's Other Future's Children"! Did he really expect her to be able to actually function through her grief. _

"_Sweetheart, the fact that there is a chance that the lid will bruise your tender fingers isn't a decent excuse," her father growled dangerously from the doorway. Acacya protested loudly, trying to beg her father to see reason. _

"_But it smells so bad… and didn't you hear?" she asked dramatically. Her very life supply seemed to be withering as she argued with her difficult father. "Brett is dead!" she choked, and finally began to sob. Her father just rolled his eyes though and very uncaringly stormed away from his poor sobbing daughter. _

"_You're such a drama queen!" he shouted exasperatedly. Acacya continued to sob onto her silk pillows, not believing it to be true. _

"_BRETT! WHY!" she screamed, clutching a pillow to her chest as she wept in sorrow and despair. "DON'T LEAVE ME ALONE!" she screamed/whimpered. _

_(End flashback)_

_Acacya wiped away a few stray tears and tried to push her terrible past aside. She was starting a new future now, away from her demanding and trying parents. Harry grabbed her hand in concern, not understanding why his beloved was crying. _

"_Who caused you such pain?" he asked her quietly as he pulled her to him, soothing her gently. _

"Well… Brett's death certainly was a big deal," Luna noted, not really helping.

"God what a freak!" Ginny snapped scathingly. Oh how she loathed this girl… even more than the others. Well, maybe not Harry or Draco… but she hated her more than she ever thought possible.

"_Oh Harry… don't trouble yourself. It's all in the past now… I must learn to cope on my own," Acacya said firmly, finally pulling herself regretfully from Harry's arms. Harry also seemed to want to hold her longer but let her go. _

"_I'm always here for you…" he whispered, ignoring the disgusting glares Hermione was sending them. _

"_I know…" she answered, smiling through her rapidly drying tears. Suddenly a thought occurred to her… and she knew how she could finally be with Harry. But she couldn't push the matter, no she had to let Harry come to her first. And judging by the way things were going it wouldn't be that long. _

"Oh lord," Harry muttered, trying to shove himself farther into the chair.

_Later that night, Acacya sat in the Gryffindor Common Room thinking to herself. She never realized how strongly she wanted… no needed Harry. She was so deep in love with him… and if not love at least lust! It was close enough right? (Duh… love and lust are the same thing! Everyone knows that! Giggle!) _

"Oh go buy a dictionary!" Hermione snapped angrily. Dean chuckled at something Ginny had muttered next to him. "What's so funny?" Hermione demanded, eyes blazing.

"Well…" Ginny chuckled. "I doubt that the kind of dictionary she has would help. She does only speak whore," she cackled. Hermione grinned and high-fived the younger girl for coming up with such an excellent comeback.

_Suddenly there came scrambling footsteps as several boys came charging down the stairs, throwing something at each other. _

"_What's going on?" Acacya asked curiously. Harry (he happened to be the leader of the pack…) turned and noticed her attendance there. _

"_We're having a war… whoever can hit the other with more fluffy items from their wands wins!" Just at that moment a large ball of cotton bounced off Harry's head, causing him to retaliate by sending a pair of pink, fluffy, bunny slippers. Acacya grinned, grabbed her newly acquired wand, _("Where in Merlin did she get that?")_, and stood up to join. It was then that she revealed her pajamas, causing the boys to all turn and gape at her. She wore a tight black tank top with low riding flannel bottoms that cut off right below the hip bone. The shirt only pulled up to just above her belly button and showed quite a bit of cleavage. _

"Sadly there isn't a dress code for night wear," Hermione muttered dejectedly.

"It could be worse," Ginny offered.

_Her hair fell free behind her shoulders with just a few strands falling in front. It was then that the boys realized that that her long and thick hair fell right at the waist and seemed to alter between wavy and straight with every one of her movements. Acacya took the guys' distraction to pelt them each with a cloud like substance. The boys giggled _("What?" every guy in the room cried.) _and continued to pelt each other with fluffy substances. Soon every one stood gasping in the middle, each with a rather thick layer of what appeared to be whipped cream on them. _

"Uh-oh," Hermione whispered, glancing nervously at poor unsuspecting Harry.

"_Come on Acacya!" Harry demanded and led Acacya out of the Common Room. Acacya giggled and followed him willingly. Before they knew it they were standing before a familiar looking tapestry… it was the ROOM OF REQUIREMENT! _

"No," Harry whimpered. Ignoring his friend's obvious distress Ron continued on with the chapter.

_Acacya looked on adoringly as Harry paced the entrance three times and then gasped when a doorway emerged. Once inside Acacya found such a romantic setting… moonlight shimmered and it appeared that they were standing on a balcony of some type. Harry turned once more to face her and took a deep breath. _

"_I know that I've only known you for a short time but… I feel such an attraction to you and… Acacya I think I love you," he said firmly. Acacya smiled through tears, after such past she had she didn't think anyone could love her. _

"Oh please… you didn't take the garbage out!" Neville cried exasperatedly.

_Harry then leaned in and Acacya closed her eyes in pleasure as their lips met in a fiery kiss. Acacya giggled as she realized they were both coated in whipped cream and then took full advantage of it. _

"STOP RON!" everyone screamed. Ron stopped reading and held his hands up in defeat.

"I wasn't gonna read it… though Harry… I always took you for a boxers guy…" he chuckled. Once Ron turned the next page though he was no longer chuckling.

**A/N: Haha… a cliffy! Lol! Please review and let me know what you thought. And don't worry, no specifics in this story. Just suggestions… ;D I'm not that disgusting… I swear! And if any of you were wondering, I don't find Daniel Radcliff attractive. Just getting that out there… :D**


	5. Disturbing Scenes and Poor Ginny!

**A/N: BWUAHAHAHA! I have returned and I have Acacya in tow… so doom and gloom to all! Lol! Actually, I'm not that evil… Acacya is safely stored on the page and not actually going to attack anyone. At least… she's safe inside the pages of the diary of _PrettySparkleSprinklesRainbow _for now… (eyes shift dangerously) I'll stop being weird now and just let you read… **

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything… seriously… **

Ron began to tremble and suddenly he clutched his eyes, screaming bloody murder.

"Oh my eyes!" he shrieked dramatically, collapsing on the floor next to the chair. Hermione stiffened and instantly ran over to where Ron was now unconscious.

"Ron?" she cried, hoping that whatever it was he read didn't actually kill him. Fear not, Ron is alive… just a little mentally scarred. Once Hermione realized this she allowed the worried look on her face to turn into a scowl of annoyance. "Bloody pansy… what was it that scared the wanker so much?" she mumbled aloud. Once she glanced at the page though her heart also stopped for a moment. She gently picked up the book and flipped through the pages warily… and was horrified to find that the end of the "scene" was nearly ten pages later.

"Hermione?" someone ventured to ask, hoping that she was okay. Hermione was in a state of shock however and couldn't respond. Everyone glanced at each other, wondering what they should do.

"You're the bloody Chosen One Harry," Draco hissed and jerked his head towards Hermione. "Get over there and see what's got her all petrified!" Harry glared but decided that he should be the one to do it after all since he was the only one of her close friends that was left. He carefully padded his way across the room and glanced at the paper. Suddenly Hermione began to speak in gibberish… just reading random segments from the book as if she was a zombie of some kind.

"Whipped cream melting, desire, pleasure, legs…" Hermione didn't get to finish though for Harry firmly smashed his hand down on her mouth and drug her away from the book.

"Bad Hermione!" he scolded as if talking to a small child. "You're not supposed to read from that part because Harry doesn't want to have a breakdown," he continued in a mock happy voice… which happened to be somewhat high pitched and desperate. Hermione suddenly snapped out of it and began to shake her head furiously so that her mind was cleared.

"Thanks Harry… I think I'm better now…" she muttered, standing and straightening her skirt.

"What about Ron?" Ginny asked, casting a worried glance at her brother. Hermione shrugged as if she didn't care.

"He'll wake up eventually, but I think that someone else should read for a while," Hermione suggested cheerfully, not able to hide the twitch that her eye had developed. When no one responded Hermione was forced to do things the wizard way, she had everyone get in a circle, placed the wand in the middle, and let it spin until it landed on someone. Sadly, it landed on Seamus.

"Oh come on!" he cried in despair, staring at Hermione's wand as if he wished it would explode and shatter into a million pieces. Sadly, his mind powers weren't working so he was forced to sit up on the large squishy chair and begin to read. Then he realized that Ron was still in the way so he drug him off to some random corner with a loud THUNK and then started to read for real.

_The next morning the whole world seemed to be basked in a special glow. The sun was streaming gently through…_

"What? They're in the Room of Requirement… a R-O-O-M!" Neville cried, clearly scandalized.

"They had a balcony didn't they?" Dean pointed out glumly.

_And cast a perfect light on Acacya's face, making her hair look fiery and her gently closed eyes more perfectly shaped. Her nose looked much more daintier in that shade and her lips appeared to be so full and ruby red (without the makeup! Giggle! Isn't she just soooo beautiful?) _

"Now please go on to describe her arms, her neck, her adorable freckles that only sometimes appear when she's looking extra cute, her stomach, her toes, her fingernails and her toenails, and their even more radiant beauty in this special light!" Hermione spat sarcastically and scornfully. Seamus's eyes scanned the page and he looked back at Hermione.

"Actually, that's exactly what she does… shall I skip over?" Seamus said politely, knowing that Hermione was probably fit to kill. There was a collective nod from the whole room and Seamus quickly flipped three pages farther into the book.

_Harry was lucky enough to wake and see Acacya in this beautiful splendor, just basking in her radiantness (_"Her what?" Draco barked.) _and unsurpassable beauty. Finally though, Harry realized that classes would be starting soon and that Acacya needed to be awakened. With great regret, Harry gently shook her shoulder and Acacya's eyes gently rose, alert and yet still muddy with sleep. _

"Is that possible?" Luna asked nonchalantly.

"_My love, classes will start soon and you can't miss your first day!" Harry said gently and lovingly. For a brief moment Acacya was reminded of her father always making her do things that she didn't want to do, but realized that Harry (unlike her cruel and sadistic father) actually had the best of intentions in mind. _

"_If we must my darling," she agreed sadly, rolling over and collecting her pajamas. _

Seamus's thick Irish voice faltered for a moment and he frantically turned several pages and then relaxed again.

"What was it Seamus?" Ginny asked, afraid of the answer. Seamus looked over the small pink book and tried to shrug as if he wasn't bothered.

"They took a while getting dressed," was all he revealed and then he read again with his cheeks gently tinged with red. While he didn't accidentally read the passage he did get a good idea of what went on.

_Harry and Acacya finally made their way to the Great Hall for breakfast and received many knowing glances from sixth and seventh years. Harry jogged over to the table to talk to Ron while Acacya just floated behind him, looking very pleased indeed. Her incredible power of instant clothing gave her a more updated version of the uniforms. Her skirt came up just above the thigh and her white long sleeved shirt was shrunk a few sizes with the sleeves folded up fashionably. She had a dark pink and a rose pink striped tie loosely placed around her neck (the grateful elves had fashioned it for her last night) as her class colors. _

"DRESS CODE!" everyone cried in unison, shaking their heads in aggravation.

_On the way in Professor McGonagall (the dirty old hag that she is) compliments Acacya on such tasteful clothing style. _

"NOOOOOOOOOO!" Hermione cries in horror, tears threatening.

_Acacya held back her revulsion at the crusty old woman and merely smiled in response. She then hurried to a seat next to a girl who resembled a primate with red hair. The greasy haired baboon cleared her throat loudly and sent a very rude glare at Ron. Ron rolled his eyes and gave a repulsed look at the girl. _

"_Acacya, this is my sister Ginny," Ron said flatly making him sound incredibly bored. Acacya turned to get a better look at Ginny and had to keep a straight face. Ginny however beamed at her through crooked teeth and held out a greasy hand towards Acacya's pale and well manicured one. _

"_Pleasure!" she said with a voice that was raspy and low like, making her look even more disgusting. Acacya looked at the outstretched hand and gingerly grasped the edge of the fingers. _

"_Eh," she said as politely as possible. _

"How can the phrase 'eh' when meeting someone for the first time possibly sound polite?" Dean barked, looking a little alarmed. Meanwhile Ginny was close to the breaking point, fists clenching and unclenching in anger.

_The little rat just smiled at me with her horrible teeth and cracked lips and turned back to the huge pile of food before her, totally pigging out. _("Well Gin…" Seamus said to Ginny's red face. "You DO eat a lot of food!") _Acacya just smiled and turned to Harry who was seated next to her and sighed in contentment. She had the man of her dreams, she was still the must drop dead gorgeous thing to walk the earth, AND her salad remained low cal… sweet. _

Seamus rubbed a now very red part of his face in pain, looking very regretful. Ginny glowered at him and the book, Hermione sat awkwardly next to Ron, Harry was close to hysterics in the far corner, Dean looked nervous, Draco looked as if his smug smile was the only thing keeping him from being sick, and Luna actually looked grounded enough to be alarmed. Suddenly Harry squeaked something from the far corner.

"You're very pretty Ginny," he said reassuringly, anything to get the terrible thought of even touching Acacya. Ginny turned back to him with a slight tear in her eye, looking extremely touched.

"What?" Ron bellowed, suddenly sitting straight up and very alert.

"_What class do we have first Harry dahling?" Acacya asked sweetly, emphasizing the 'dahling'. She wanted to make sure that Ginny knew that Harry was **her **territory… **HERS! **Harry smiled lovingly at her and then glanced down at the parchment before him. _

"_We have Potions first… oh great… Snape…" Harry groaned, his wonderful day so quickly ruined. Acacya raised a well-manicured eyebrow at Harry as if questioning this statement. _

"_Oh… what's so bad about Snapey-poo… I mean Professor Snape?" Acacya asked, temporarily forgetting that they didn't know that she had a HUGE crush on the Snape from the movies. No one noticed her slipup and instead answered her question bitterly. _

"_He's only the cruelest old bat in all of London… Wizarding AND Muggle," Ron said thickly through a piece of toast. Acacya giggled a bit at the way the toast affected his voice but then realized what he had said. _

"_Oh… well I'll be sure to take care of that," Acacya said softly, ignoring the curious and concerned looks that Harry was giving her._

"Oh lord…" everyone said in unison.

"To think that I woke back up for THIS," Ron pouted angrily, looking very sulky indeed.

**A/N: Odd ending I know… feel free to tell me… lol! Anyway, also tell me what you thought of the story… :D I'm also sorry for the shortness compared to the last chapter… I'll make up for it I swear! Because next up we have… (dramatic muuuusic!) POTIONS! **


	6. What the?

**A/N: I'm back… already… ;D I was just really looking forward to writing for the interaction with Snape and Acacya… yeah… ANYWAY please read and review! OH I FORGOT! PLEASE FORGIVE ME! I've had a few unsigned reviews by wonderful reviewers like storseshavehalls (that's an awesome name by the way), Shiroko34, Youko's Befuddled Fox, and wikedsugarrush! If I forgot anyone well… I really appreciate ALL reviews:D**

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything Harry Potter but I own Acacya…**

"Okay, who's going to read next?" Seamus asked as he marked the page he left off on and closed the book dramatically. When no one volunteered the famous Irish temper flared up. "You friggin, bloody, pansy wankers better figure it out because I'm not going to read two whole chapters of this devilry so you all better take a deep breath and take a plunge!" Hermione's wand was once again tossed in the circle and the wand landed on…

"Oh bloody hell!" Draco cried in horror, his usually pale face drained of any possible color. Harry sniggered and gave Hermione's wand an affectionate pat.

"Seems like Hermione has yet again saved the day!" he shouted ecstatically… actually it was the first time Harry smiled the whole afternoon. Draco sent his nastiest glare (yes… **scary**) and curled his lip.

"You'll get yours Potter," Malfoy spat venomously, taking a seat on the large chair.

_The Golden Trio (oh… and Hermione… the little tag along…) _("She's considered to be part of the GOLDEN TRIO?" This was guessed to be Hermione.) _made their way sadly towards the dungeons. Well except for Acacya since she just knew that no one could be nasty and rude while she of all people was around. _

"_Oh cheer up guys!" she gushed brightly, tossing her long and now wavy hair. "It'll be fine… I bet he's gotten happier over the summer!" _

There was a long silence… stretching on forever... until all of a sudden every single teenager in the room burst out laughing.

"Oh that is _rich_!" Harry chuckled, wiping a few tears from his eyes. Hermione and Ginny were leaning on each other and trying to hold themselves up against the great racks of laughter threatening to knock them over. Draco was hiding his full fledged laughter behind the demented book while Seamus and Dean were both passed out on the floor in hysterics. Luna was the only one not making an utter fool out of herself… but instead she said something incredibly blunt and awkward, causing everyone to stop speaking.

"I haven't laughed with a bunch of friend's before," she said softly, but not sadly, just matter-of-factly as if she could honestly care less. Everyone glanced at each other and motioned for Draco to keep reading as to fill the incredibly awkward silence.

"_I would hate to contradict someone as radiant as you," Ron mumbled quietly, causing Hemininny to scowl. Acacya just smiled knowingly at Ron and before any of them realized it they had reached the Potions room. The three entered (oh and Hermion staggered in after us, honestly the girl should work out more because just walking down to the dungeons nearly made her faint!) the Potions classroom and found it as gloomy and dreary as always. _

Strange growling noises came from the REAL Hermione's throat, causing everyone close to her to scoot away.

_Acacya looked around and sniffed daintily at the decorations, consisting of terribly realistic looking skeletons and assorted body parts in jars. Suddenly Snape floated into the class and gazed at the room from underneath his totally sexy hooked nose. _

"_You're all late!" he snapped. "Five points…" Suddenly his voice trailed away and he gazed at Acacya who had moved into plain sight. She smiled at him and something in Snape's wounded heart healed. _

"_Professor Snape," Acacya said softly and understandingly. "I understand what you have gone through… I know why you are this way." Snape's eyes filled with tears _("Greasy tears!" Harry added.) _and he opened his mouth to speak. _

"_Five hundred points to Gryffindor!" he said finally. _

Draco's mouth fell open in shock and repulsion, the Golden Trio fell backwards, Ginny's eyes rolled back in her head, Seamus and Dean high fived each other, and Luna rambled about something called "A Snarklepuss!"

_Acacya smiled broadly and floated over to where the changed Professor stood. She gently hugged him and he willingly returned the hug. _

"_I give you the gift of beauty that I saw in you all along," Acacya whispered and instantly Snape was transformed. His greasy hair was less greasy and really just gelled, his pale skin became smooth and colored, his hooked nose straightened, his beady eyes took on a liquid brown color, and his body straightened considerably. The class gave a collected gasp and applauded this new transformation. _

"Oh so now she has the ability to turn people into something like her?" Ginny snapped angrily. Suddenly this idea sunk in and everyone raced off to find some garlic. Just in case people like Acacya was allergic to that kind of thing like vampires are. Once everyone settled in with their new strings of garlic Draco continued.

_And Severus let out the first true smile in all his years of torment and abuse. _("My father wasn't THAT bad to him!" Harry insisted.)

"_I must redecorate the room… it is much too dark for the new me," Snape said finally in his new smooth and silky voice. Acacya grinned and instantly helped him get to work. The classroom was in much need of an extreme makeover and everyone was willing to pitch in. Severus conjured up several bright pink cauldrons that he instantly replaced with the old dreary ones. Acacya and Harry found some pink lace that they managed to turn into a trim for the ceiling. Draco and his cronies made up some lovely rose-colored tablecloths to place on the desks. _

"I refuse to read this filth!" Draco exclaimed in horror. Collective glares from the group though once more forced him to read the passage out loud again.

_Ron and Lavender created the most beautiful silk hearts that they stapled to the walls while Hermione just managed to make a horribly drawn image of a rose. It was burned immediately. Soon the room had been beautified, which included the now pink painted walls. Snape clapped his hands and giggled in glee. _

"_Oh my this is so exciting! Oh my goodness, oh my goodness!" he squealed. _

The Gryffindors chuckled uneasily, not sure if they should be completely amused or completely terrified.

_Acacya smiled and nodded approvingly at the room. _

"_It came a long way Sevvy," she agreed kindly. Severus turned to her and enveloped her in a bone crushing hug. _

"_I owe it ALL to you Acacya…" he said excitedly, nearly jumping out of gratitude. Acacya giggled and blushed brightly. _

"_Maybe we should start classes now!" Hermione scowled, ruining the moment. For a moment Severus seemed to return to his old glowering stares. He calmed instantly though when Acacya laid a gentle hand on his shoulder. _

"_Yes, let's learn to brew love potions!" he squealed, rummaging through his supply cabinet. "Or better yet, a potion that can help you realize who your one true love is!" _

"What?" Hermione cried, flipping through some textbook frantically. "I don't think that such a potion exists!"

"_Okay!" Sevvy cried, clapping his hands together again brightly. "First you have to add essence of true love, which I've managed to bottle and place on this desk!" _("Ha!") _Sevvy then looked down at a piece of parchment and continued on, giggling. Then you need to add exactly three pink heart sequins!" The students all quickly complied and then waited patiently for the next instructions. _

"I'm sorry!" Draco choked out, giggling a little. "Hold on… I have to get over the complete RIDICULOUSNESS of this potion!" Draco took a deep breath and calmed down before reading again.

"_Now all we need is a single strand of your own hair and stir it all together!" Snape finished brightly, shoving the parchment somewhere in his robes. _

"That potion is just… how many times do you have to stir it? Clockwise or counter clockwise? How much of 'true love' do you have to put in?" Neville cried, looking close to tears. He never got it that easy in Potions class because Snape was out to get him.

_Acacya carefully placed a hair in her potion and giggled excitedly as the potion turned a deep shade of pink. Her batted her eyes and crossed her fingers, hoping that if she had to have ONE true love it would be Harry. A blurry image filled her cauldron and as Acacya leaned in closer to examine it a sudden loud voice filled her head. She was so surprised however that she didn't understand anything that was said. With that the image faded away and Acacya found that tears were streaming down her face. _

"She ends the chapter here…" Draco said simply, relieved that there weren't any interesting scenes to be viewed. He snapped the book shut and suddenly an idea sprung into his head. "What do you all think Acacya experienced just then with the potion?" he asked. Everyone looked at each other and Hermione rolled her eyes.

"I bet it was some kind of ridiculous second Prophecy concerning her…" she drawled, looking rather bored. Harry chuckled and shook his head.

"Come on… not even THIS girl would do something so stupid!" Harry chuckled. Hermione cocked an eyebrow but remained silent so that maybe the boys would learn their lesson.

"Well for now let's just try and figure out who is going to read next, eh?" Dean suggested. Everyone once more got in the circle and allowed Hermione's wand to spin. Before it could finish however Draco did something unexpected.

"Wait!" he shouted, stepping on Hermione's wand (okay maybe the whole stepping thing wasn't unexpected). He picked up the book and turned the page and a malicious smile spread across his face. "Remember when I said you would get yours Potter?' Draco sneered, gray eyes glittering like mad. He then held up the book for all to see to reveal in big, pink, print the words **"HARRY'S POINT OF VIEW"**. "I think it's only fair for Harry to read this bit… wouldn't you agree?"

"I hate to say it Harry," Dean said between chuckles, "But Malfoy has a point." Before Harry knew what was happening he was thrown onto the chair with the little book on his lap menacingly, it almost seemed to grin at him.

"I'll get you all for this," Harry muttered but picked up the book and flipped to the correct page. "Here goes," he said softly and cleared his throat to read.

**A/N: ANOTHER CLIFFY! YES! Lol! Please review and let me know what you thought! **


	7. Like, HARRY'S POV!

**A/N: Again, terribly sorry about the cliff hanger… lol! For those of you that were suffering from the horrible drama then I apologize and I offer chocolate as a peace offering. :D Anyway, without further ado… prepare to read about Harry reading about fake-Harry's POV. **

**Disclaimer: Leave me alone… I own nothing. **

Harry coughed and fiddled with one of the pages of the book in an attempt to kill time. Sadly this could not go on forever though and he was finally forced to read.

_Like, **HARRY'S POINT OF VIEW! **_

_Hello dear and kind readers. What I'm about to tell you is, like, the biggest secret that I've ever told and I just want you to know that I totally trust you guys. Okay, anyway, I just wanted to say that I like TOTALLY LOVE ACACYA! I don't even know her last name but I'm just utterly and completely in love. Those eyes, those noses…_

"Did he just say 'those noses'?" Neville asked in surprise. Harry's eyes squinted and he adjusted his glasses to make sure that what he read was accurate.

"Yup, that's what she has written here friends," Harry said finally after realizing that he read the passage right.

_And those absolutely GORGEOUS ruby/sapphire/emerald/violet/hazel/crystal/clear/diamond/rose colored eyes! They're simply to DIE for! _

"Merlin Potter, you're a loser!" Draco barked from the back of the room, satisfied to notice that several other people were ducking their heads to conceal their snorts of laughter. Harry made a face at Draco and then continued to read with dread showing clearly on his face.

_Not to mention that she's just WONDERFUL in bed! _

"Merlin!" everyone cried as one and swallowed back their breakfasts that were threatening to be spat back up. Harry read again in a strangled and shaky voice.

_I know that I only, like, met her last night but I just totally know that she's the chick for me! I mean, did you see that absolutely stylish and classy leather suit she wore to the Ceremony? Most people don't have any decency or class but Acacya has abundant amounts of both. _

"Nothing says class and sophistication like a leather bathing suit!" Hermione snapped, looking absolutely livid.

"Look, I bloody know the bloody woman is a bloody idiot," Harry began, "But I would appreciate it if everyone would try to stop interrupting because I really just want to get this over with," he pleaded causing Hermione to grumble a reluctant agreement.

_I can also tell that Ron is quite taken with Acacya as well… which oddly enough I'm totally fine with! Normally I would get all jealous and protective but maybe real love doesn't mean that you practice those things. _("Oh Merlin," Hermione grumbled before slapping a hand to her mouth in apology.)

_Anywho… _("What?" Harry cried, his head hurting from all of the unknown references.) _I suppose it kind of reminds me of this awesome movie called Moulin Rouge! Two people brought together by fate to live forever in their unending love. I just hope that Acacya doesn't end up dying of consumption. I love to watch this movie late at night in the dorm room when no one else is awake._

"I'm sorry Harry," Hermione began, looking very frustrated. "But Hogwarts: A History CLEARLY states that nothing electronic can be used!" she screamed, clearly very bothered that no one ever listened to her when she said things.

"Oh but we don't CARE what your silly little book says!" Dean giggled in a perfect impersonation of Acacya. Seamus high-fived him and Harry muttered about 'damn scary impersonations'.

"What is this… Moolin Rogue?" Ron asked, clearly mispronouncing the name. Everyone shrugged except for Hermione who didn't care to explain anyway.

_My Acacya is very, extremely, terrifically, completely, absolutely, one hundred percent, totally, very, extremely, terrifically, completely, absolutely, one hundred percent, totally sexy. _("Well THAT was creative!") _I wish that I had met her before I had to resort to kissing that hag Cho Chang! Ugh! What on earth was I thinking? Like, ttly! _(Many raised eyebrows over this.)

_Anyway, I just wanted to use these blessedly empty pages to pour all of my love for Acacya, who is currently in the Hospital Wing after her fainting episode yesterday. She is still unconscious and I am currently holding her small and utterly perfect hand in my own crude and sweaty one even as I write. I can't believe that such an angel dropped out of nowhere from America into my empty and wasted life. I know that I must eventually face Lord Voldy, but I will do it with Acacya at my side! _

"Good!" Ginny snapped, once more livid, "Then maybe she'll die!" Everyone felt hopeful at this revelation… Acacya COULD die couldn't she?

"Lord Voldy?" Seamus questioned, looking nervous. Everyone just hoped that You-Know-Who wouldn't ever get his paws on this book for he would surely kill them all. Or at least Acacya which would be a very good thing.

_I look upon her pale face with love and adoration… I mean I can't believe what she did for those House Elves! Hermione was in a right state after that. I guess she was jealous that Acacya beat her to something. Speaking of Hermione, I would just like to say that I am only friends with her out of pity… otherwise I would NEVER hang out with such a greasy, whiny, know-it-all freak! I wonder sometimes why she wasn't able to make other friends and then I realize that she must have scared everyone off! _

Hermione squeaked from her seat and everyone could tell that she was fighting back tears. Harry, not sure what was quite the proper action, gave Hermione an awkward one-armed hug to try and comfort her.

"None of those things are true," Ron hissed with his face rapidly growing to the color of his hair. "She has absolutely NO right to say anything about Hermione!" Hermione smiled at her two friends and motioned for them to keep reading before she took part in some kind of cliché group hug. Draco gagged in the back of the room but otherwise the room was quiet.

_With that said, I will continue to come up with different ways to say how wonderful Acacya is! Her pearly complexion would make a dove cry and her wonderful auburn locks are so soft and easy to twirl around a finger. Her lips are luscious and red, filling the appropriate amount of space on her face and whenever she looks embarrassed these adorable freckles show up on her face. Her nose is daintily turned up and her legs are long and toned. _

"I can't imagine any part of her being toned if she won't even walk to take the garbage out!" Neville insisted. Luna shrugged and dreamily stared off.

"Well she also has partially invisible freckles," she pointed out helpfully.

_Acacya's fingers are long but not too long and her fingernails are perfectly filed and painted. Not to mention that her style is just unbelievable! Did I mention that already? (giggle) _("I do NOT giggle!") _Anyway, just everything about her is exquisite and I just can't wait until she gets out of this weird coma like state she's in. I would simply die if any harm came to my little snuggle poo! _

_Anyway, Dumbledore was in a little while ago to see if Acacya was alright and I gave him an update on her condition. He then talked a while with me, this is what he said. _

_(Super Harry Flaaaaaaaashback!) _

"_I believe that our young Acacya has a while yet to go before she ever fully recovers," Dumbledore said sadly while looking at me. I looked back, feeling very confused. I wish Acacya was awake to see it… I look very sexy when I'm confused. _

"_Yo, like, what do you mean Albus?" I asked. Dumbledore asked that I call him Albus from now on and I just wanted to spice it up a little. Albus smiled at me sadly before explaining himself. Dumb old crusty crab! _

"_What I mean is Harry, Acacya has many emotional traumas to get past before this is all over," Albus said kindly, his eyes twinkling because all the fashionable chains that he was wearing caused a glare on his glasses. **(A/N: You know, those chains that guys like to wear that occasionally have all the "bling" on it?) **_

"_Nice bling," I added before commenting further. _("What's bling?")_ "What kind of traumas Albus? Who hurt her?" I demanded. If ever someone laid a finger on my precious Acacya I would strangle them without a second thought! _

"_That is not my story to tell Harry," Albus said, trying to comfort me. "She will tell you when she is ready, not before." With a mysterious wink Albus popped from the room, leaving me alone in ominous silence. _("NO ONE CAN APPARATE ON SCHOOL GROUNDS!")

_(End of Super Harry flaaaaaaaashback!) _

_My sweet and precious flower bore scars I learned, and that pained me more than any Unforgivable Curse could. But for now my angel sleeps peacefully and she only looked more beautiful in that early morning light streaming down on us in the Room of Requirement. My sweet angel stirs! She is waking! _

Everyone stared expectantly at Harry but were surprised when he flung the book to the floor in triumph!

"YES! THAT ACCURSED CHAPTER IS DONE!" Harry cried in glee, sending little rockets flying from the end of his wand. Draco glowered but said nothing. Hermione rolled her eyes and allowed her wand to once more pick the new reader.

"Ginny!" she barked, "You're up!"

**A/N: I hope that lived up to expectations… :D Sorry for the minor cliffy at the end of this chapter too but I can promise more screams from Hermione and gloom and doom for all! Bwuahahahahaha! Please review! **


	8. Draco smirks and lemon drops

**A/N: Hello again!!!!! I'm finally back with another chapter, and I hope you enjoy it!!! Acacya does too!!! And I'm really terribly sorry about the horrendous wait… I apologize…**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing… please don't send your lawyers after me… **

Ginny strode confidently up to the squishy armchair and swiftly picked up the demon book.

"Everyone ready?" she asked harshly, not really waiting for a response.

_Acacya's eyes opened and beheld a wonderful sight… it was her beloved Harry Potter come to bring her out of the eternal darkness. _

"_Harry?" she asked. _("We've confirmed that Harry is there!" someone shouted.)

"_Yes my darling… it is I… Harry Potter!" _

"Ginny please stop batting your eyes and making kissy faces!" Harry protested from the back of the room, looking very appalled at Ginny's antics. Ginny smiled half-heartedly at her friend and then continued on to read with one last pucker of her lips. Somehow her childish antics weren't as energetic as they normally would have been.

"_Oh my sweet angel, I feared that you would never wake," Harry cried dramatically, immediately enveloping her in a loving hug. Acacya smiled against his shoulder and murmured, _

"_I will always come back to you Harry." Harry sniffed a little and then pulled away from Acacya, wiping his eyes. _

"_What happened my darling?" he asked gently, stroking her hand with his thumb. Acacya then remembered the odd dreams she had in her comatose state. Trembling and clearing her throat softly, she began to speak. _

"_I had the most terrible visions," she began in a shaky whisper. _

"Oh… VISIONS!" Seamus accused, glaring in contempt at the book. "I didn't know they were actual VISIONS!!!"

"_There was death… all around me… smothering and choking me until I felt I could barely breath. And you were there Harry…" her voice faltered and drew down to the faintest whisper. "And you were dead," she finished. _

"So basically you're saying that everyone was dead…" Draco drawled from his dark little corner sarcastically.

_Suddenly Dumbledore poofed out of nowhere… _("Poofed?") _creepy old bat! _

"_So I assume you heard a voice telling you something at this point, yes?" he prompted softly, bling still causing his eyes to twinkle. Acacya nodded in surprise… surprised that Dumbledore seemed unsurprised about her surprising plight. _

"You know, there are other uses of the word 'surprise'," Ginny commented thoughtfully.

"Shock, revelation, bolt from the blue, astonishment, startled, caught unawares, shocker, supercalifragilisticexpialidocious!" Everyone stared at Hermione who then realized her mistake and blushed. "Okay, so that last one is just for show…"

_Acacya nodded, opening her mouth to share her story. _("Didn't she already nod her head?")

"_After I saw these images before my eyes a low and raspy voice read this out loud to me…" Acacya trailed off, looking thoughtful before quoting the mysterious voice. _

"_My dear young maiden, for you there is, like, another Prophecy companionable to Harry Potter's. You are his significant other, his complete heart, and without you he would totally fail. You need to, like, march into battle with him by his side or he shall FAIL IN A FIERY FLAMING FAILURE MOST LIKELY RESULTING IN DEATH!!!" _

The whole room was silent as this new absurdity was introduced. Harry's eye was twitching and Hermione was glancing at him worriedly.

"Another PROPHECY???" he roared finally. "Saying that this… this… this THING completes me and without her I would FAIL??" Everyone thought he was hyperventilating and were contemplating what to do with him. The Boy-Who-Lived can't just pass out on the ground now could he?

"Harry… remember it's only pretend…" Hermione tried soothingly, only to draw back as Harry's body convulsed.

"I don't _care_ Hermione!" he snapped, eyes blazing and hair standing on end… well worse than it usually does. "She has completely disgraced the Prophecy and myself and turned us both into complete mockery!" Everyone visibly shrank away from the Golden Boy as his mouth started to foam in the corners and his head twitched dangerously.

Suddenly, Draco dashed forward and brought a heavy frying pan he had just conjured and whacked Harry square on the head. His body crumpled like a fallen rag doll and he lay still for several minutes.

"Draco you prat!" Ginny screeched as the other Gryffindors hurried over to see if Harry was alive or not.

"What? He was hysterical and we had to do something!" Draco protested, looking indignant. "Besides," he added in an undertone, "I've ALWAYS wanted to take out Saint Potter." Ginny and Hermione scowled at him while the four boys furiously fanned Harry's face. Luna stood awkwardly at the outside of the group, looking thoughtful.

"Well… he WAS delirious…" Luna began before several unanimous cries of 'SHUT IT LUNA!' quieted her.

_**THIRTY MINUTES LATER**_

"I don't think he's waking up any time soon," Dean finally said in a monotone voice, exhausted after fanning Harry's face for thirty minutes. Draco stood smugly in the corner, sniggering at the present circumstance.

"Well let's just keep reading then while we're waiting," Hermione suggested primly, motioning Ginny towards her chair. Scowling, Ginny stomped angrily over and threw herself in the chair loudly with a grunt of distaste.

_Harry and Dumbledore were silent, Harry looking sexily confused and Dumbledore appeared to be completely unsurprised. _

"_Harry, you're sexy when you're in deep contemplation," Acacya noted, trying desperately to lighten the mood. Harry looked up and beamed at her, tossing his hair and batted his eyes. _

"_Why thank you darling," he giggled. _("Probably best that Harry's unconscious for this.") _Dumbledore laughed and pelted lemon drops at all of them, causing the two teenagers to giggle together while they pelted lemon drops back at him. _

"_Oh ho feckless villains!" Dumbledore cried and grabbed another handful of the sticky lemon drops. The three then engaged in an all out lemon drop war, occasionally catching flying candies in their mouths delightedly. _

"They find out about a dangerous and foreboding Prophecy and then they have a **lemon drop fight**????" Ron cried, looking disgusted.

"I can't believe we're actually reading this rubbish!" Ginny hissed in anger but still delved back into the Mary-Sue world.

_Finally the "war" was over and the three were sitting in the middle of a bright yellow battlefield, looking around at the destruction. Acacya giggled and picked a lemon drop out of Harry's thick hair, causing him to laugh happily. Dumbledore, excuse me, Albus examined the two young lovers with delight and happiness. _

"_Ah… young love," he said wistfully, scratching his beard thoughtfully._

"That's the end of the chapter???" Ginny screeched, throwing the book forcefully to the ground. "Oh my god she has no grasp of the concept of writing a good story!"

"Lemon drops?" came a mumble from the back of the room and with a gasp everyone turned back to face where Harry was lying unconscious. "I heard something about lemon drops." Everyone stared blankly and giggled a little at his slurred words. With a groan, Harry sat up and rubbed his head sulkily. "Who hit me with a bloody frying pan?" Harry demanded, looking around the room until he found one satisfied smirk.

"I'm afraid it must have been the Easter Bunny Potter," Draco drawled characteristically, laughing gently at Harry's face.

CLANG!! Within seconds it was Draco who was now lying on the ground with a frying pan over his head.

"Always wanted to do that," Harry chuckled, looking triumphantly at Draco's sprawled body.

**A/N: I think it was a little weak, but tell me what you all thought because I value your opinions over any other… :D Thank you!!! Anyone who doesn't review this story but reads it will receive a nasty surprise courtesy of Acacya… lol!!! **


	9. Common Room Terrors

**A/N: Hi again!! Sorry again for a terrible wait in between chapters but school has been rather hectic and I haven't much time to sleep much less write stories… anyway, here's the new chapter!!**

**Oh, and a quick shout out to the lovely reviewers that don't seem to have an account! I would still love to reply to all of your helpfulness!! **

**Madeline: lol!!! I'm so glad that this story "rocks your socks, floats your boat, mashes your bananas, and toasts your toast!" :D Thanks so much for the awesome review!! **

**Serina: I admit to writing a few Mary-Sue's also… actually I believe you can find an example on my list of stories on this site:D Glad you're enjoying the story and thanks for the review!! **

**Storseshavehalls: Glad it wasn't weak to you!!! Thanks for the review!!! **

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything Harry Potter. **

"I think Dean should read," Hermione stated in a bored tone, "Since he is one of the only ones not to go." Dean's eyes widened considerably but he nodded valiantly.

"I'm willing to make that sacrifice," he replied hoarsely, shuffling to the front of the room. The rest of the Gryffindors took seats in a circle and shot sympathetic looks towards Dean.

Draco snored…

_Dumbledore let out a satisfied sigh as he surveyed the lemony floors. Acacya giggled as Harry pinched her side teasingly. _

"Oh Merlin…" Neville moaned, shielding his eyes.

"_You've had a hard day Acacya," Albus finally said to break the peaceful silence. "Both you and Harry will have the whole day off of classes." Acacya and Harry cheered enthusiastically and began to wonder what in the world they could do to pass the rest of the day. _

"Curl up with a good book and read quietly a hundred feet away from each other?" the real Harry suggested hopefully.

_In a flash the two were racing off to the Gryffindor Common Room, giggling madly and hardly keeping themselves in control. _

"_Hurry Harry!" Acacya squealed as she dashed ahead of the boy. Harry then flew into a headlong sprint after his beloved as he attempted to keep up with her amazingly long and fluid stride. _

"Wasn't she in a coma like a few hours ago?" Neville asked suddenly.

_Finally the two love struck teens made their way to the Common Room and hastily lunged at each other. _(Dean uttered a very rude word just then, causing Hermione to shriek.)

"In the Common Room?" Ginny shrieked and her eyes flashed. "But other people use those couches you know!"

"Oh don't worry Ginny… they're not using the couches," Dean said nonchalantly as he continued to flip the pages. All those sitting on the floor or the armchairs all began to crowd on the couches in terror. "I'm skipping over now…" Dean muttered and ignored Hermione's still offended expression. Draco continued to snore as Dean hastily flipped through the pink pages of the demented book and Harry trembled where he sat. Just the thought of kissing such a girl…

"WAH!" Dean shouted suddenly and turned about five shades of red. The entire room jumped at this sudden outburst (excluding Malfoy of course) and Dean muttered a quick apology. "I just read…" he began to explain.

"NO!" Harry shouted and began to wave his arms frantically. "DON'T TELL US!!" Dean shrugged and decided that he could tell a Wizarding therapist later on. Or sneak it into Dumbledore's pensive so that it could forever be cleared from his mind.

Yes… the old man probably wouldn't notice.

"Finally," Dean sighed. "It took me nearly…" he started again but a strangled cry from Harry sealed his mouth. "Moving right along," he said as cheerfully as he could and began to read again.

_It was late in the night and the Common Room was finally silent. Harry was sleeping peacefully with his arm casually draped around Acacya's bare shoulders. But the beautiful female was sleeping fitfully and she tossed quite a bit. _

_(Acacya's dreaaaam!) _

_A stern face looking down on her. _

"_Acacya, you do your homework right this instant!" the face demanded and threw numerous books down on her. These books included The ABCs, Learning to Add, Learning Cursive, and Shapes for Dummies!_

"_But Daddy!" Acacya cried in despair. "I need to see if Billy Bob Taye and Lucinda George Harold have their alien baby or not!" _

"_But that isn't important! Learning to read is important!" the cruel face of her father insisted and began to laugh evilly. _

"_Noooooooo!!!" Acacya cried as tears began to run from her crystal clear eyes and onto her perfectly pale face. _

"_Stop being such a drama queen!" her father yelled harshly and dumped more books on her. _

_(End Acacya's dream)_

_Harry woke to the sound of Acacya's despairing screams of terror. Instantly afraid that she had another premonition Harry desperately tried to shake her awake. _

"_Acacya! Acacya!" he cried in horror. Finally Acacya brought herself back into the real world and instantly flew into Harry's shoulder. Once there her perfect shoulders began to shake beautifully and her perfect tears slid down her wonderfully pointed nose. _

"_Oh Harry!" she cried and sobbed harder into his shoulder. _

"_Oh Acacya…" Harry responded and pulled her closer. _

_The two lovers sat there until dawn. _

A stunned silence filled the room and a faint cricket could be heard in the distance. Harry was too busy trying not to cry to answer and Ginny was shaking a bit in anger. Finally Hermione sat up straight and cleared her throat to make a statement.

"Well," she began primly and she took a moment to gather her thoughts. "That was the biggest load of crap that I have ever heard," Hermione stated in a very matter-of-fact tone. In fact, she was so prim and proper about it that it took a while for it to sink in that Hermione had in fact swore.

"Hermione… language!" Ron scolded teasingly before sobering up. "Though I have to agree that was the most idiotic waste of my time… even worse than the time I spent writing thank you cards for the thank you cards I received on mum's orders."

"It would be romantic…" Luna began, "If it were any other two people in the world and her traumatic experience actually traumatic." An awkward silence filled the room until Seamus spoke up.

"I think that we all need a water break," he said lamely. Everyone hastily agreed and took off to find some water pitchers in their dorms. Except for Draco of course, who woke up right after they all left.

You have to imagine his surprise and slight fear of waking up in a previously full room and finding it startlingly empty. The only other object around was the little pink book and there was NO way that Malfoy was going to put himself within a mile of that demon. So he instead curled up into an awkward ball and waited for any sign of people coming back.

Then he remembered the reason that he was unconscious and was filled with rage. So the fearful silence was broken with his furious cry.

"DAMMIT POTTER I'M GOING TO BLOODY GET YOU!!" he screamed and pounded up towards the sixth year boy's dorm to see if he could find his victim.

It was going to be a _long _afternoon indeed.

**A/N: Sorry that this was so short… I'll try and make it up to you next update. Please review:D**


	10. Acacya in the Gryffindor Common Room?

**A/N: Okay, probably not the quickest update ever but it was a heck of a lot faster than the last one. Lol!! So anyway, I hope you enjoy this as much as you all have been enjoying the other chapters. Happy reading! **

**Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter or Mary-Sues in general. I just own one Mary-Sue unfortunately. **

All hormonal teenagers were back in the Common Room once more. Harry was sulking in the corner and carrying a black eye (Draco said it would match his scar). And Draco was nursing a bloody nose (Harry suggested that if the nose was broke maybe Draco could become as famous as Harry). Otherwise though, all were content and unscathed and were ready to face more evils from the little pink book.

"Who reads next?" Ginny questioned as innocently as she could. Though all in the room knew that there were only three people in the room that hasn't read yet. Neville, Hermione, and Luna who happened to be three of the most innocent and pure people currently sitting in the room. The wand was rolling and the three people were all biting their nails anxiously to see who would be the loser.

And the wand landed on…

Neville.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" Neville cried and he struck his fists to the ground twice. Hermione patted his shoulder sympathetically while Luna just murmured something that sounded like an apology and stared off into nothing.

"Sorry Neville," Harry said glumly and tried to look at the poor soul through his swollen and black eye. In fact, if his first experience of reading the book hadn't been so traumatic and permanently scarring Harry might have read for the poor bloke.

"Hang in there mate, once you get over the first few bumps you learn to block the images from your mind," Ron said helpfully while shrinking back into his armchair.

"Be strong my friend," Ginny also said. She always had a soft spot for the boy who had taken her to her first ball and wanted to see Neville safe.

Neville walked slowly with heavy footsteps to the official reading chair and picked the book up slowly. Seamus muttered a quick prayer for the poor innocent soul and even went as far as to cross himself. Neville took a deep swallow and in a trembling voice began to read from the passage. Just as he began to read Draco began to, cruelly, hum TAPS, which is usually only played on trumpet after a soldier has died. Neville glare and started to read anyways despite the rude interruption.

"_Are you feeling better my love?" Harry asked the sweet Acacya as they watched the sun rise from Harry's dormitory. Acacya turned to him and smiled beautifully. _

"_Yes my dearest, the darkness of the night is far behind me," she responded and laid her lovely head onto Harry's shoulder. Harry marveled at how her sparkled in the morning light and no longer needed to watch the sunrise. Acacya's hair was a far more lovely subject to behold as far as he was concerned. _

"_Are you ready to prepare for the day?" Harry asked. He felt Acacya nod against his shoulder and Harry smiled. He then lifted her up bridal style and carried her into the bathroom to shower with him. _

"This was totally written by a too hormonal seven year old, you know that right?" Draco drawled through his nosebleed. Neville laughed uncomfortably and began to skip over pages with a read face.

"They're showering," was all he said in a small squeak. Hermione and Ginny wanted to go up there and give the poor boy a hug but refrained when they realized that to do so they would have to take the chance that they would see the dreadful words themselves.

_Refreshed, the two headed towards classes. Acacya had used her special powers to create herself an outfit that was totally punk rock. She had on a tight black t-shirt that said "AFI" on it that showed nearly all of her curves and loose black pants that rubbed against her legs perfectly. She finished off the outfit with black and red converse and loosely tied red tie with red spiked earrings. _

Hermione opened her mouth as if to shout 'DRESS CODE!!' but instead of words coming out she began to cry. Everyone looked at her in confusion and then Ron began to hesitantly pat her on the back.

"There, there Hermione… it's just a story," Ron said in a somewhat soothing voice. This caused Hermione's sobs to increase in volume and she shook her head so that her bushy hair flew everywhere.

"It's not to _me _Ronald! These are serious offences!" she wailed. Ron looked around nervously, _wanting_ to comfort the crying damsel before him but not really knowing _how_. Ginny rolled her eyes and shoved Ron aside forcefully.

"Come on Hermione," she said gently and tugged at Hermione's arm in a gesture to get up. "Let's get you up to your dormitory and clean you up." Hermione went willingly with the younger red headed girl and they both disappeared up the staircase.

"Go on Neville," Dean reassured, "Let's keep reading anyway and get it over with." Neville nodded and started to read aloud once more.

_Harry, wearing a tight green t-shirt that said "I prefer Acacya" (Acacya had made this for him in addition to her own outfit… giggle!) and jeans, held Acacya at his arm with pride in his expression. He waved back to Ron from the table that the other hunk was sitting at and hurriedly took Acacya with him over there. _

"_Hey bud," Ron greeted. _(Everyone's eyebrows raised… no one had ever greeted a friend in that manner) _"Get much sleep last night?" Ron asked and waggled his eyebrows suggestively. Harry and Acacya giggled and Acacya even blushed a little in modesty. _

"_Not much Ron," Harry replied and pulled Acacya closer to him so they could make out. _

"That is so disgusting!" Harry protested. Ron also made a face and gagged into his lap.

"Harry, mate, I promise to never ever repeat those words to you or your girlfriend," Ron promised and raised his left hand as if to prove it.

_Professor McGonagall happened to pass by right when the two lovebirds began to tongue wrestle and simply smiled at the two. _

"_Oh how I wish I could get laid," McGonagall said softly and then turned to make her way to the teacher's tables. Acacya heard this and suddenly pulled away from Harry, causing him to look around I confusion. _

"_Try Sevvy Professor!" Acacya called after the wistful teacher. McGonagall turned and smiled at her kind student and smiled. _

"_Thank you Acacya, I think I will!" she replied and walked off with a wide smile on her face. "Sevvy!" she called over at the teacher's table. "Save a spot for me next to you darling!" _

"Horrible mental pictures!" Seamus squawked and hid his face in his hands. Everyone else was struggling to free the terrible mental images from their minds except for Harry and Draco, who were desensitized by now. And they were just glad that the focus was not on either of them.

_Acacya smiled widely at her matchmaking skills and then suddenly saw Draco Malfoy looking for a place to sit. His Slytherin friends found out that Draco wasn't really a Death Eater but instead a spy for the Good Guys so they had shunned him from the table. Acacya, desperate to help him find a place where he would be accepted for who he is, shoved Ginny (who was sitting next to her) onto the floor. This made an empty seat next to her and Harry (who were technically sharing a seat… giggle!)_

"_Hey!" the ugly girl protested and put her hands on her hips. _

"_You're not pretty enough," Acacya said airily. "In fact, even Granger is more beautiful than you. Draco needs to sit there." The little rat's eyes began to fill with tears as she ran away from the table and through the entrance of the Great Hall. Harry, Ron, Acacya, and even Hermione laughed at the little girl running in shame. _

"_Draco!" Harry called and motioned to the now empty seat. Draco heard and began to walk confidently over to the table. _

"_Hey guys, what up?" he asked and everyone at the table got a might flash from his blinged out chains. _

"_Nice bling," Harry commented with an approving nod. _("Is it me or does Harry have an obsession with sparkly chains in this story?")

"_Thanks bro!" Draco returned and gave him a high five. Acacya giggled from her seat in between the two hunks and blushed. _

"_I think I'm gonna like it here!" Acacya said from her seat. Everyone else at the table also returned the statement. _

"_We think we're gonna love you here!" _

"Actually, if this really happened, I would have to strangle the girl with my bare hands," Harry commented from his seat.

"That would be murder, and you could go to Azkaban for two hundred years for brutal torturing by Dementors that would leave you soulless and without hope for living," Luna replied nonchalantly. Everyone next to her took a slight scoot away from her.

_Just then the class bell rang and everyone at Acacya's table jumped to their feet. _

"_Time for classes! Who's first?" Acacya asked curiously. Harry looked at their schedule (Albus had been kind enough to let them share all their classes) and groaned. _

"_History of Magic with Professor Binns!" Acacya smiled and instantly a plan began to form in her mind. _

Neville then politely set the book down, after marking the page for the next reader, and walked slowly over to his seat.

"See!" Dean said with a pat to the shoulder, "That wasn't so bad!"

"I wonder what happened to Hermione and Ginny?" Harry asked in concern. He tried to crane his neck around to try and see if the two girls were coming down the staircase, but there was no sign of them.

Then suddenly, they heard a voice that sounded oddly familiar. A little too familiar.

"Oh boys!" a female voice crooned from the top of the staircase. The clicking noise that only high-heeled shoes can make was heard against the stone staircase and a long leg came into view.

"Oh Merlin," Seamus muttered and once more crossed himself for good luck. A gorgeous creature had just walked down the staircase and was wearing a leather dress. The bottom stopped just above the thighs and the neckline was so low that a lot of cleavage showed.

This girl resembled Acacya in everyway imaginable, even down to the straight but wavy hair and the multicolored eyes.

"It's the attack of the Mary-Sues!" Dean and Seamus cried in unison and then promptly fainted.

"I ran into your ugly friends in the bathroom," Acacya said seductively and walked the rest of the way down the stairs, ignoring Seamus and Dean. "Don't worry, you don't have to worry about them anymore." Several gasps could be heard littering the room.

"What did you do to them?" Harry cried and stood up heroically. Acacya just laughed in a light tinkle.

"Oh, Harry my love, why do you ask such silly questions? You love _me!_" Harry let out a little squeak and ducked behind his armchair.

"And I thought you were a hero," Draco scoffed and laughed at Harry's antics.

"Oh Draco you sexy, sexy beast," Acacya cried and began to advance towards the pale Slytherin. "Give me one of your sexy winks!" Now it was Draco's turn to shriek and hide behind one of the couches. Acacya pouted and then spotted Ron.

"Ronnikins!" she cried and flung herself towards poor Ron. "While I have been with Harry I have secretly lusted after _you!_" Acacya squealed and plopped down in Ron's lap before he could move. "We don't have to hide our love any longer my love!" she cried dramatically and flipped her long auburn hair.

"Yes we do," Ron squeaked and desperately tried to shove the attractive woman away from him. Acacya stared at him for a long time and Ron thought in confusion that she seemed to be holding back laughter.

"Oh Ron I'm so sorry!" the girl that they thought was Acacya cried and rolled off of Ron's lap. Peals of laughter broke through her mouth and soon she was rolling on the floor, howling. "You should have seen your faces!" the girl finally said in short gasps.

"Hermione?" Ron cried in surprise. Hermione nodded from her spot on the floor and then called up the staircase.

"Come on Ginny! I gave myself away!" Ginny then flew down the staircase and hugged Hermione tightly.

"You were brilliant! You even had an American accent!" Ginny squealed and then turned to hug her brother. "Oh Ron, I'm so sorry about that but we couldn't resist!" Ron turned beet red and tried his best to laugh at himself.

"Harry… Malfoy… we're sorry!" Hermione called out to the men still hiding behind objects designed for comfort. Harry poked his head around and Malfoy's blonde head popped up from behind the couch.

"Hermione/Mudblood!" they both cried in horror. Draco fainted and Harry paled and felt quite faint himself.

"That… that was a good one Hermione," Harry said weakly and came all the way around to greet his friend. Hermione giggled and then with a tap of her wand she was back in her normal dress.

"I'm so sorry you guys but it was just too great to resist…" Hermione apologized and then fell into a fit of laughter again. Soon, Neville, Seamus, Dean, and Luna formed a circle along with the victims of the joke to discuss something quietly.

"Hermione, you read next," Harry declared and smirked as she paled.

**A/N: I wasn't planning on Hermione and Ginny to do that until later in the story, but it seemed like a good opportunity now. Anyway, please review and tell me what you thought! **

**And also, nothing against the "punk" look. I just wanted to make a point**


	11. Saving Binns and Righteous Shoes

**A/N: Well, I'm baaaaack:D Enjoy this chapter and review please! **

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything directly from, related to, or pertaining to Harry Potter. The only thing that I could take a miniscule amount of credit for is Acacya and the plot. But just barely. So there is no need for lawyers or courts or judges. **

"But Harry… don't you think Luna ought to have a fair chance too?" Hermione protested weakly. Harry cackled and threw his friend over towards the squishy arm chair.

"Read!" he demanded and then slunk back to his spot on the floor. This was most certainly going to be interesting. Hermione picked up the book in trembling fingers and shot several glares powerful enough to pass as Avada Kervada towards Harry and finally began to read.

"Someone better wake Malfoy," someone murmured but the action was never carried out. They figured that Draco didn't deserve to see the payback that was coming to the doomed Hermione.

_The group made their way to the classroom and Acacya pushed the door open confidently. Harry, Draco, and Ron all made faces behind her back as if to say 'Oh no' and trudged into the room. The greasy Weasley girl scampered in behind them and twittered around the room nervously and finally settled down in a chair, a puff of dirt emitting from her since she never bathed. _

"_Come in class," Professor Binns droned at the class and floated over to the chalkboard. Acacya wasn't at all surprised that Binns was a ghost because she HAD her maid read the first book out loud… like once! That was enough to know anything. _

"_Excuse me Professor!" Acacya called from her seat. The ghost turned drearily from the board but when he saw who was speaking he brightened considerably. _

"_Yes Acacya," he responded and eagerly awaited the girl's question. This caused the class to gasp in unison and stare with wide eyes at the strange new girl who had actually made it so that Binns had a personality. _

"_I was wondering if you would tell us why you're so boring all the time." The class gasped and again and turned to the teacher in expectation. No one had ever DARED ask such a question to Professor Binns. The Professor paused for a moment and stared slack jawed at Acacya. _

"_Well… that is hardly an appropriate topic…" But when the ghost noticed that for the first time that all the students were paying close attention he caved. "Well… my parents didn't love me." The classroom gasped one more time and their heads whipped around to Acacya. Her eyes sparkled with tears because she knew what it was like when family didn't love you. _

"_Oh you poor dear…" the goddess cooed and walked over to the emotional Binns. _

"This is completely ridiculous!" Hermione screeched but continued reading.

"_Well I care about you… doesn't that mean something?" Acacya asked sweetly and simpered at the ghost. Professor Binns smiled through his ghost tears at Acacya and hugged her. And he didn't fall through Acacya like he normally would have. Instead his body began to solidify until he was not a ghost anymore. _

"_I'M ALIVE!" Binns cried and ran around the room in joy. The students cheered and wiped tears of emotion from their own eyes as they beheld their restored teacher. "Acacya brought me back from the dark beyond!" Acacya smiled and shook her head. _

"_It was nothing good sir," she responded and meekly went to her seat. But the students would have none of that and lifted Acacya up onto their shoulders. _

"_For she's a jolly good fellow! For she's a jolly good fellow! For she's a jolly good FELLOOOOOOOOOW! That nobody can deny!" Acacya giggled and spoke this next bit. _

"_In more than one way!" Harry grinned and sang louder than the rest. It was a good class indeed. _

"Could she NOT make some kind of sexual reference every few paragraphs!" Neville cried and buried his head in his ears. Hermione sighed wistfully and everyone else remained stoically silent.

"Blah, blah, blah," Hermione muttered as she flipped through pages. This display caused everyone to cock and eyebrow.

"What are you doing?" Ron finally asked from the floor. Hermione looked up and clucked her tongue disapprovingly.

"I'm _obviously_ skipping through the dirty and the entirely irrelevant parts of this godforsaken story," Hermione explained and went back to her task.

"Well how much do you have to skip?" Harry asked in surprise. Hermione gave him an odd look before responding.

"Why? Do you _want _me to read all this?" Harry paled and shook his head furiously.

"Of course not!" he cried in indignation. Hermione just chuckled and suddenly stopped her flipping to giggle uncontrollably.

"Oh… Harry I absolutely HAVE to read this out loud to everyone!" Hermione cried and instantly began to delve back into the accursed book.

_Harry sat in his dorm room, Acacya in his lap, and suddenly decided to go through this shoe closet. _

"_Excuse me beloved," Harry murmured and walked over to his precious shoe collection. Ron chuckled from his spot on the bed but Acacya knew nothing about this odd obsession with shoes. Not that she was against it. She actually loved shoes as well. _

"_Do you like shoes?" Acacya asked curiously and peered down at her boyfriend in curiosity. Harry grinned and quickly held up some shoes. _

"_These shoes rock," he explained and placed them delicately to one side. Harry then instantly conjured up some but grimaced in distaste. "These shoes SUCK!" he groaned and tossed them over his shoulder. Ron propped himself on his elbows to see the ritual. "These shoes rock… these shoes SUCK! These shoes SUCK! AAAHHHH!" Harry screamed and began to whimper. _

Hysterical laughter took over the Common Room. Even Luna stopped staring dreamily and laughed until her face rivaled that of a tomato with everyone else. The only person NOT laughing was Harry himself… who was sitting in the corner with this face resembling that of pus.

"Keep reading mudblood!" Draco insisted between laughs. And for once Hermione overlooked this comment and instead continued to read aloud.

"_Erm… there, there Harry," Ron said comfortingly while patting Harry's shoulder. Acacya just giggled as she beheld the two friends' interaction. _

"_Hey…" Harry said as he got a look at Ron's shirt. "That's a really cute top!" Ron smiled widely and looked down at his pink T-shirt that said in big bold words " VOLDY WHO?"_

"_Thanks Harry! You know I had such a hard time finding one but…" Before Ron could finish however Harry bluntly cut in. _

"_Let me borrow that top. It's a really cute top!" Harry demanded, his eyes pleading with Ron. Ron looked down at the shirt and shook his head 'no'. Harry frowned at this but remained pleasant. "Come on, aren't we friends?" _

"_Well yeah…" Ron began uncertainly while holding the bottom of the shirt protectively. _

"_Then what's the problem?" Harry asked sweetly and sidled closer to his friend. Acacya stared on in interest and even conjured herself some popcorn. She just loved a good dude fight. _

"_Well… I'm wearing it Harry!" Ron protested weakly. Harry's face brightened. _

"_Well then you can wear one of my tops instead!" With that Harry walked over to his dresser _("What? I don't have a dresser!") _and pulled out various flashy shirts. _

"_No Harry," Ron insisted firmly and stubbornly. Acacya gasped and whipped her head around to see Harry. Harry's face darkened and he dropped some of his shirts that he had been preparing to showcase to Ron. _

_And then Harry made a very, very rude hand gesture. It was so rude that it caused Acacya to squeal in mortification. _

"_With something hard and sandpapery," Harry shrieked, growing red in the face. Ron fainted and Acacya gave out another squeal. With that Harry stormed from the Common Room…_

Hermione finally stopped reading and let herself laugh uncontrollably with the rest. Harry and Ron sat awkwardly as everyone else had a good laugh with everyone else at their expense.

"Oh, Merlin Harry!" Ginny giggled and walked over to give him a hug. "I'm so sorry but the mental image is just too much…" she explained between loud laughter and patted The Chosen One on the head. Harry smiled up at her to let her know that he understood.

"How is it resolved?" Dean asked as he finally caught his breath.

"Umm…" Hermione giggled and flipped through some pages. "Acacya uses her, and I quote, 'good reasoning skills and sweet soul' to get Ron and Harry back on speaking turns. Then her and Harry have a little quickie."

"Was that last little bit really necessary?" Seamus protested, his good mood gone. Hermione shrugged and slammed the book down.

"In any case, my turn is done. It's now Luna's turn."

**A/N: The whole shoe and top thing… I don't own it. It's from this really weird (but funny) song… or well _songs_ since there's too of them. The first one is called "Shoes" and the other song is called… umm… well for now we'll call it "Really Cute Top". Anyway, please review! Sorry it was so short again… **


	12. Group Hugs and a Secret Discovered

**A/N: Guess what guys?? I'M UP TO ONE HUNDRED AND FIVE REVIEWS!!! That's the first time EVAH!!! Thanks so much for that guys, you don't know how exciting it was for me! Acacya appreciated it very much… she actually took time out of brushing her hair to look at the screen when I tried to show her. (ahem) Anyway… I would dedicate the chapter to all you reviewers but all the chapters have been dedicated to you guys so it would hardly be appropriate. So… um… read and enjoy!! Also, thanks to all of my reviewers without accounts. :D You guys are awesome too!! **

**Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter… stop bloody rubbing it in!! **

Luna cocked her head to one side and stared at the little book.

"But it's the devil in a pink and fluffy book written by an oversexed preteen," she pointed out and sniffed a little. "I wouldn't go near it with a snagglepuss." Everyone stared at her in surprise and exchanged looks briefly.

"But Luna… everyone has read except for you," Harry coaxed gently and somewhat desperately. "You _have _to go near it." Luna stared at him with a blank expression. She sighed heavily and walked airily towards the chair.

"Alright, but when we all get sucked into an complex because of this I blame all of you," Luna threatened nonchalantly and then settled into the chair. She then began to read in her soft but dreamy voice with her light blue eyes all scrunched together in irritation.

_Acacya looked at the unconscious beautiful redhead next to her and little thoughts crossed her mind. It would be much too easy… _

"_No Acacya," she muttered to herself and began to regretfully head towards the staircase after Harry. "You have to resolve this little spat between Harry and Ron if you're going to get any." With a dramatic sigh she rushed after the now sobbing Harry. _

"Aww… poor little Potter," Draco drawled sarcastically, venom dripping off his words. Harry just glared before motioning to Luna to continue.

"I don't sob," Harry muttered resentfully. Poor Harry seemed to utter similar phrases throughout the entire afternoon.

"_Harry!" Acacya called once she reached the Common Room. "Harry my love where are you?" she called again and then began to pout. It was then that she heard the sniffles over in the direction of the roaring fireplace. _

"_Go away," a small voice demanded. Acacya sighed and floated over to where her distraught boy friend. _

"_Come here Harry," she cooed and Harry crawled over to her lap like a small child. A drop dead gorgeous child, but a child nonetheless. "Now tell me why you got so mad at Ron." Harry sniffled a little while longer before finally responding. _

"_He wouldn't let me wear his shirt," Harry explained sadly. Acacya sighed and stroked Harry's hair lovingly. _

"_Come on Harry… it wasn't that bad. It's Ron's shirt and he should be able to do whatever he wants with it." There came a long silence filled with more sniffles. _

"_But it was so cute!" Harry protested somewhat angrily. "Whose side are you on?" Acacya sighed endearingly once more. _

"_I'm on your side Harry… but at the moment it happens to be the wrong side." Harry paused as if thinking it over but finally smiled a radiant smile. _

"_You're right darling… as always," Harry said and gave Acacya a big hug. _

"THIS is the guy that's supposed to save the entire Wizarding World?" Dean suddenly burst out, pointing at the book. "Merlin… WE'RE ALL SCREWED!!"

"Hey!" Harry protested from his corner. "I'm nothing like that in real life!" he pointed out resentfully.

"Aww… are you going to cry Potter? Perhaps I should go get Acacya for you to make it all better!" Draco sniggered. Harry stared at Draco thoughtfully and happened to stare for quite a while. This caused Draco to squirm somewhat uncomfortably until Harry finally looked away. Draco raised his eyebrows in surprise. "Is that it Potter?" he began to tease.

That was until Harry's fist connected with Draco's face.

"Continue please," Harry instructed as Draco's limp body slowly slid to the floor with a THUMP. There came an awkward pause as everyone stared at Malfoy, then at Harry, then at the ground, and then finally Luna. Luna seemed undisturbed however as she continued to read in her quiet and wispy voice.

"_Come on then," Acacya instructed firmly as she helped Harry to his feet. "Let's go apologize to Ron." Harry nodded somewhat reluctantly and followed Acacya in what appeared to be shame. That boy has way too much pride. _

"I'll say!" Ginny snorted and glared at Harry. Oh Ginny… his pride will affect you more than you could possibly imagine. But that will not happen for several months yet so let's just get back to the story.

_Finally the beautiful and graceful Acacya had towed her boyfriend up the staircase and finally stopped right where Ron had obviously awakened. Tears stained his pillow as the dead sexy (but still not as sexy as Harry! Giggle!) Ronald Weasly sobbed so that his shoulders shook in sorrow. Harry immediately began to tear up but Acacya cleared her throat loudly. Ron looked up at the sudden noise and beheld his former best mate and his girl. The girl that he had secretly met late last night in the Common Room but that's not really important. _

"_What do YOU want?" Ron snapped as he quickly wiped at his soggy eyes. "I thought w-we were through," Ron continued and blew his nose loudly. "Sorry, I got a sudden and totally unexpected cold." Acacya rolled her eyes at the lie but prodded Harry gently in his lower back. _

"_Ron… I…" there came a pause as the two stubborn pigs stared at each other. _

"_OH I MISSED YOU!!" the two wailed together and swept the other into a huge bear hug, crying on each other's shoulders. Acacya wiped a tear from the corner of her eye as the incredible duo finally reunited. _

"_LET'S NEVER EVER, EVER, EVER, EVER, EVER, EVER, EVER FIGHT AGAIN!!" the two vowed and continued to cry some more in pitiful and heartfelt sobs. _

A silence fell over the room of the real Gryffindors (and the Slytherin) of Hogwarts. Everyone looked as if they had been hit full on by a herd of Quidditch players on broomsticks. Well, actually Luna looked more like someone who had been hit by a herd of Quizzles (a "creature" that her father wrote a totally realistic and true biography of) but that's not important.

Harry rather looked like he was going to cry and clutched a pillow to his chest fearfully. Ron sat stiffly with his entire ears burning in shame and eyes darting from person to person nervously. Ginny looked torn between trying to comfort her big brother of pointing a finger and laughing at his misery. Hermione, for the first time in her entire sixteen years of life, was considering holding a book burning and Dean and Seamus were swaying dangerously. Neville was slightly green and his cheeks were puffed dangerously.

In fact, Draco (who awakened shortly after Luna began to read again) was the only one in the room who seemed somewhat mentally stable. While the situation was very humiliating for his nemesis and he was highly amused he couldn't help but feel that whoever wrote this book was mentally insane and might possibly come after them. She WAS able to describe the rooms fairly accurately and knew all of their names (except for Granger's) and where the school is. In fact, to Draco, it seemed very likely that an insane twelve year old would pop out with a knife at any corner. Or maybe some really creepy old man instead…

"Shall we continue?" Luna finally asked and for the first time her voice wasn't distant or dreamy. It was a voice filled with nerves and fear as well as firmness. Everyone nodded slowly and instantly wondered why in the world they would continue with such a demented story.

"WAIT! I SLEPT WITH ACACYA?" Ron burst as if just coming out of a coma and remembered something important. Everyone stared at him and slowly turned back away.

"Continue please Luna dearest," Ginny insisted as she really didn't want to confront this disaster. Luna obliged willingly and once more picked up the book.

"Did anyone else notice that this book kind of vibrates when you pick it up?" Luna suddenly asked and held the book delicately in her palms. And sure enough her hands were shaking and the book was also moving ever so slightly back and forth.

"READ!" Hermione screeched and sat on her hands so as not to cause any harm. Luna recoiled away from the on edge bookworm and her eyes widened in surprise.

"Sorry," she apologized distantly, the same old dreaminess in her voice again.

_As the beautiful scene seemed to finally come to a close and the two best mates began to pull away from their embrace there came a soft sob in the corner. In walked Draco Malfoy with tears running down his face. This was enough to make Acacya short of breath and her eyes grow round as she took in the total sexiness of the room. It equaled out to be about… a bajillion! Duh!_

"_That was so touching!" Draco cried and threw himself into the small group. "It made me realize what a lie I have been living my whole life!" Acacya cooed and moved in closer to hear Draco's new sob story. She stroked his sexily ruffled hair delicately which gave Draco the strength to continue on. _

"WHO'S THE BABY NOW MALFOY?" Harry roared at Draco. Draco just sneered uncomfortably at Harry in response and remained silent. However when Harry turned away Draco silently performed a charm at Harry and began to snigger behind a pale and manicured hand.

"WHY is my face so itchy?" Harry asked suddenly. Draco just continued to laugh.

"_It all began when I was five years old…" Draco began with a far-off look in his eyes. "My father came home one night from a DE meeting and was looking smug as usual." Acacya sensed Draco's mounting fear and began to stroke his head more gently. _

"_Go on love," she encouraged. Draco gave a sideways smile at her and leaned into her touch ever so slightly. Harry didn't seem the least bit enraged however for he knew that Acacya truly belonged to him. _

"_He came home and he was… giggling like mad. When I asked what was wrong he wouldn't answer…" Draco shuddered and turned away again. _

"Maybe we'll learn something about you today Malfoy," Ginny chirped from her seat, smirking at the pale boy.

"Your face."

"_Then he came towards me, reached into his pockets and…" Draco paused once more, grimacing in pain and in fear. _

"_Go on dear," Acacya encouraged again while both Harry and Ron leaned in closer for support. _

"_And he… took out of his pocket… three rubber balls. He then conjured a unicycle and began to ride around on it while juggling the balls." Draco fell over out of grief and shame while the others in the room gasped in horror. _

"_You don't mean…" Harry began, flabbergasted. _

"_Yes… my father is a clown! My entire family is made up of clowns!" Draco sobbed while still curled up on the floor. _

Laughter exploded throughout the room with the malicious chuckles of the real Draco Malfoy.

"Wouldn't that just be hilarious if that really WAS Malfoy's secret!?" Dean hollered.

"Wait, wait!" Luna cried in an amused but still dreamy tone, "There's more!"

"_Every night he made me practice the ways of clowns. Hours of juggling practice, fitting into incredibly small cars, and even putting on the makeup!" Draco wailed. Acacya immediately pulled Draco back upright and turned him to face her sternly. _

"_Draco Malfoy," she began firmly with tears sparking in the back of her eyes. "Draco Malfoy you are **not **your father, understand? You are **not** your father!" Draco nodded and allowed his head to fall into Acacya's arms. "Say it Draco." Draco sighed and reluctantly pulled himself away from her arms. _("Yes, because we all know what's close to her arms," Hermione pointed out and smirked when Draco paled.)

"_I am not my father," Draco said with growing confidence. _

"_Now repeat after me. I am my own person and no one can make me something I'm not!" _

"_I am my own person and no one can make me something I'm not!" Draco repeated with his tears beginning to dry on his face and his voice rising in growing realization. _

"_Group hug!" Harry shouted. Everyone immediately complied and wrapped their arms around all in the room. _

"_Best friends for ever!" Ron declared and Acacya laughed in a high tinkling noise. _

Harry and Draco looked at each other nervously.

"What do you say we scoot a little further away," Harry suggested and Malfoy nodded. Soon the two nemeses were roughly a hundred feet away further from each other. Considering that they were already practically at opposite ends of the room this was rather impressive.

"I'm beginning to find group hugs repulsive," Ron noted from the side.

_Acacya smiled and then the four best friends pulled away from each other happily. Acacya then had an idea… such a brilliant idea that she could hardly believe that J.K. Rowling hadn't already taken the idea. _

"_What do you say that we have… a concert here at Hogwarts?" Acacya suggested slyly. The three boys looked at each other and then leaned forward towards Acacya eagerly. _

"_What did you have in mind?" Harry asked lovingly and took her hand gently. Acacya smiled again and eagerly began to explain. _

"_It would be to celebrate our unending friendship," she replied with her beautiful, unsurpassable eyes sparkled in happiness. "And love," she added with a giggle to Harry. Harry grinned and ruffled his hair sexily with his eyebrows arched. _

"_I'm in," Ron said and put his hand in the middle of the small circle that had been formed. _

"_Me too," Draco chided and also thrust his hand on top of Ron's. _

"_You know that I am," Harry purred and also set his hand in the center. Acacya beamed and then put her small and delicate hand on top of the three boy hands. _

"_Let's do it then!" she cried and the four threw their hands in the air. And thus the planning began. _

Luna then stared at the pages with the beautifully penned pink letters and looked almost thoughtful for a moment. Suddenly she threw it with surprising force at Ron.

"You're turn again!" she shouted and scampered to her seat. Ron paled drastically and looked ready to fain.

Then without warning the portrait hole swung open to reveal…

**A/N: Ha! I'll leave you wondering who the next poor unfortunate soul(s) are who just burst into the Common Room. Will Acacya's concert be a hit or a total flop? A hit of course, but that's besides the point. Tune in next week for all the drama and also drop a little review for me. :D Also, can you say Out Of Character for Luna? Sorry about that…**

**Acacya: Trust me, you'll just like, love my concert!**

**Me: Acacya, I already talked about you okay! Go back to your closet where you belong! You've had your fun for today!**

**Acacya: But, like, I miss Harry already!**

**Me: Oh stop crying. (ahem) Sorry about that. She gets a little impatient and demanding. Please review!**

**Acacya: Or, like, else!**


	13. New Arrivals

**A/N: Okay, so I'm finally back with a new chapter! I'm sorry it's taking so long between updates but I'm trying to circulate evenly between all my other stories so I'm trying my best! Anyway, up next is a concert that Hogwarts will remember forever. Will Acacya manage to pull off the biggest event she has ever organized in her life? (Most likely) Will Harry still love her? (Well, DUH!) And will Snape ever stop dancing dirty? (Most likely not!) Read on and find out!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter. I am though destroying whatever confidence, dignity, or sanity that the character may have possessed in the beginning of the story with a character of my own. Sorry J.K… **

"Oy! What stupid bloke left the password outside of the Gryffindor Portrait hole?"

"Yeah! We would like to thank him for saving us the trouble of blowing it open!"

Both Ron and Ginny whipped around to greet their fellow redheaded siblings.

"Fred! George!" Ron shouted in disbelief while Ginny stared slack jawed from her seat. Everyone else in the room just kinda stared in shock as the two mischievous boys waltzed into their old Common Room and surveyed it with keen interest.

"Did you miss us?" George (at least I think it was George) grinned and gave his brother a high-five.

"I want my password back!" Neville called from a safe distance, eyeing the boys suspiciously. Fred's expression brightened as he pointed towards Neville.

"There's the stupid bloke!" he exclaimed and in a flash Fred and George were upon poor Neville. In an instant the confused boy was hoisted onto both of their shoulders and was being taken around the room.

"For he's a jolly good stupid bloke!" Fred sang loudly to the tune of 'He's a Jolly Good Fellow' and soon George was following suit.

"For he's a jolly good stupid bloke!" George agreed. Neville swayed dangerously but this would not deter everyone's favorite pranksters.

"For he's a good stupid BLOOOOOOOKE!!!" the two sang in unison and paused halfway around the room. They shared a meaningful look before continuing on with their song. "That nobody can deNY!" they finished and in one fluid motion they had let go of Neville.

"UMPH!!!" Neville cried as his poor little body slammed into the hard floor. "Owwwwww!!!" he whined, holding his head in pain where it had struck an armrest.

"We love you Neville!" the two chorused together before turning back to the rest of the students.

"Come on," George declared in an authorative voice, trying to shoo people away from their friend Neville.

"Nothing to see here," Fred added while literally shoving Hermione away from the scene. However their boisterous mood was ruined when an icy snap came from the corner of the Common Room.

"Will you two ever just grow up!" Malfoy hissed while looking at the twins smugly. His smirk widened when Fred and George's backs stiffened and they whirled around to face their nemesis.

"MALFOY!!" they roared in unison and instantly their wands were pulled.

"What the bloody hell is a _SLYTHERIN _doing in the _GRYFFINDOR _Common Room?" George demanded while Fred arched his wand threateningly. Harry and Ron said nothing, eager to see Malfoy get his butt kicked by the twins but Hermione was the one who spoke up.

"He let himself in actually… probably the same way you two did," Hermione said curtly, sending a disapproving glare both at Malfoy and the twins. "He was reading a book with us," she explained. Fred and George sent a sly glance to one another and began to chuckle merrily.

"Oh come now Hermione… you couldn't possibly be reading a book out loud with half of Gryffindor and Draco Malfoy!" Fred cried and winked at her. Hermione frowned but decided to change the subject.

"Well… why are you two here?" she demanded, tossing her hair defiantly.

"Well… is it a crime…" Fred began.

"To want to visit our favorite Hogwarts students…" George continued.

"On a day off?" they finished together with identical smirks. Hermione sniffed in a disbelieving way but decided to not comment.

"Well I suppose you chaps wouldn't mind reading with us?" Ron asked, grinning at his craftiness. In all his years he never thought that an opportunity to get Fred and George back for all the pranks would come but come it had…

"And to think that we used to spend our free time having fun on the weekends," Fred said sadly and shook his head in grief. George sighed heavily for dramatic effect.

"Why not?" he said, directly answering Ron's question. Now Ginny was catching Ron's drift and eagerly danced over to collect the book of doom.

"Then you wouldn't mind taking a turn actually reading out loud then," she said and held the book out enticingly before her.

"Well look at this!" George exclaimed and snatched the book away from his little sister. Both he and Fred then began to examine the pink, frilly monstrosity and chuckled heartily over its design.

"Where did you come across this, eh?" Fred asked while his brother recovered from a snigger fit.

"In the _Forbidden _Section," Hermione boasted, arching her eyebrows as if daring either of the twins to make a crack at her. Fred and George let out a whistle and looked at Hermione appraisingly.

"So little Hermione finally managed to get the gumption to go into the Forbidden Section?" George asked in surprise.

"I'm surprised you cracked this soon. It's only your sixth year at Hogwarts!" Fred added in good measure, sarcasm dripping from his voice.

Hermione thought of telling them about the time that she went into the Forbidden Section to get the ingredients for the Polyjuice Potion in second year. Anything to wipe those smug grins from their faces. Alas, she held her tongue for the sake of her permanent record. She settled for scowling deeply at the two and turning to go talk to Neville in the obvious cold shoulder.

"Well come on, you two can take turns reading pages," Ron instructed and practically dragged the twins over to the official reading chair. Fred ended up in the actual seat while George was perched precariously on the edge of the armrest, forced to peer over Fred's shoulder in order to read.

"This is gonna be good," Harry whispered to Ron who beamed in triumph. Draco just sulked in the back of the room… secretly pleased to see some more Weasleys embarrass themselves.

"So what kind of story is this?" Fred chirped from the chair, peering at the other students jovially.

"An action packed thriller?" George guessed.

"A swooning romance?"

"A turn-your-knuckles-white horror?"

"A thought provoking mystery?"

"A historical-fiction?"

Malfoy smirked from his seat and finally shouted to end the possibly endless guesses.

"You're in luck… it's all of those boys!" Draco explained, eagerness dripping off each of his words. The twins scowled deeply at Malfoy before grudgingly flipping the book open to the marker.

"This had better be spectacular then," Fred muttered.

"Right you are," George agreed, still in a dark mood from being reminded of Malfoy's presence.

_The next morning, Acacya awoke with a brand-new eagerness. Never before had she tackled such an event of dynamic proportions! A concert at Hogwarts would most certainly require all sorts of preparations…_

"Hold on!" George barked, hearing how ridiculous the words were that his twin was reading. "Why is her name spelt that way? Why is she planning a concert at Hogwarts of all places? And why is she even _at _Hogwarts if she's so clearly American?" he demanded. Nothing could mask his evident surprise that his friends would be reading something so utterly ridiculous.

"There's one answer for all of those questions boys," Hermione said coolly, her eyes laughing at the unsuspecting souls. "She is a Mary-Sue." Both Fred and George gasped in horror and George literally fell off the armrest. "I see you've heard of them." Both nodded and Fred explained while George clambered back onto the armrest.

"We've never actually experienced one but we've heard of them in the papers," Fred whispered, his eyes wide in shock.

"Are you going to try and leave now?" Ron asked, clearly depressed that his game was given away so early. Both twins shook their heads however and broke into devilish grins.

"The more we know about these nutters the more we can incorporate them into our joke business," George said, eyes gleaming and smile growing with each passing second.

"I can see it now!" Fred exclaimed, growing more and more excited. "Spring a Mary-Sue on your unsuspecting friends. Five galleons per ravenous fangirl!"

"People will flock to our shops… and they will demand more and more Mary-Sues for their poor friends!" George elaborated, now on his feet once more.

"And we shall be hailed as the most brilliant pranksters in all the Magical World!" Fred finished with gusto and threw the book up in glee. Everyone else stared blankly… not really sure of what to think. There was someone who actually _needed _these demonic creatures?

"Continue dearest brother," George insisted and Fred gladly obliged.

_There were bands to book, tickets to print, a stage to set up, snacks and drinks to buy… the thought overwhelmed Acacya! _

"_Harry!" she hissed, poking her sleeping lover in the side painfully. "We have to start planning!" Harry grunted adorably but was soon up and awake. _

"_Did we talk to Dumbledore about it yet?" he asked curiously while running a thumb up and down Acacya's shoulder blade. Acacya took a moment to shiver at his touch before answering. _

"_Yes, I talked to him late last night. He said it was a splendid idea and encouraged that we start working on it as soon as possible. We're scheduled for the end of the week!" she exclaimed, clapping her perfectly manicured and moisturized hands in delight. _

_How Harry longed to just take up those perfect hands and kiss them to death. And so he did. _

_For the next three hours. _

"Oh, so this is a Mary-Sue/Harry Potter story, eh?" George asked in delight while winking in Harry's direction.

"How does it feel to know that gorgeous girls all over the world just like this one want you?" Fred teased, eyes glittering. Always the player…

Harry stared blankly at Fred and George for several seconds.

Then he cried.

"_Okay, Harry… please stop!" Acacya commanded even though she delighted in the feel of his lips against her porcelain skin. Harry obeyed though there was a question in his eyes. "You'll wipe away all of my lotion exported directly from Paris if you keep it up," she explained softly with a wink. _

"_Such a crime is unimaginable!" Harry agreed and set Acacya's hand back down carefully. "Then allow me to kiss you elsewhere," he purred. _

"OKAY FRED, STOP!!!" Ginny bellowed, glancing nervously at Harry. "STOP RIGHT THERE!!!" Fred's eyes widened and he looked genuinely confused.

"What?" he asked innocently while a frown worked at the corners of his mouth.

"You just reduced the Savior of the Wizarding world to a blubbering, sobbing, disheveled mess," Ginny explained while jabbing a finger at Harry who was no longer holding the tears in. "Do you really want to make him jump off the Astronomy Tower next?"

"We usually skip over these types of scenes… for all of our sakes. Not just Harry's," Dean explained. He was much more calm than Ginny and was able to make the twins see their error.

"Right," Fred said, "Wouldn't want Harry to _completely_ break down." Yet, before he started reading Fred hurriedly added a side comment to George in hushed tones. "Be sure to write that Mary-Sue's are loose." George nodded and quickly jotted it down on some spare parchment. He had been taking notes the whole time.

_Now that Ron, Harry, Draco, and Acacya were all huddled together in the Common Room they began to plan everything. _

"_So who's performing?" Harry asked while lazily flicking his hair back. Acacya watched the motion with an intense gaze before responding. _

"_Well… I have connections with Fifty Cent. I bet if I called him up he would come," Acacya reasoned. _

"_ALRIGHT!! YOU KNOW FIFTY CENT??" the three boys cried in unison while slapping multiple high-fives. _

"Anyone know Mr. Cent?" Fred asked curiously. When no response came he chuckled and grinned. "Didn't think so."

"_Yup! And I also know Ciara, Beyonce, Cold Play, James Blunt, Adam Pascal, Missy Elliot, Christina Agulaira, Justin Timberlake, The Backstreet Boys," Acacya exclaimed, quickly listing off all the names she could think of. "I was the one that helped them get their street cred by the way," she added as an afterthought. _

"_WELL CALL THEM ALREADY!!" Draco, Harry, and Ron all shouted. Acacya grinned and quickly whipped out her cell phone._

_It was a small phone (about the size of her fingertip) and bright pink with pretty hearts decorating it. It contained internet access, a calendar, a can opener, music, screenplays to all of Acacya's soaps, a shower head, access to the White House, amongst other things. _

_Acacya quickly dialed the familiar numbers and waited while the phone rang. _

"_Here, I'll put it on speaker," Acacya said and soon the rings filled the entire room. _

"Oh no," Malfoy groaned, "The mudblood is going to cry again isn't she?" Hermione held her head up high and tried to hide the fact that her eyes were watering.

"I will not!" she squeaked. "Even though absolutely no electronics are able to work at Hogwarts I will not cry about it!"

"_Yo! What's up?" a deep voice asked. Acacya grinned widely. _

"_Hey Fifty, it's me… Acacya!" she explained and the boys leaned in to hear more. Joyful laughter could be heard from the other end of the phone. _

"_Acacya! It's been too long my friend!" Fifty Cent exclaimed and Acacya quickly agreed. "What brings you to my phone number?" he asked curiously. _

"_Well… some friends of mine are planning a concert for their school. I was wondering if you would like to perform," Acacya asked, waiting calmly for his response. _

"_Cool! Count me in!" Mr. Cent replied. Acacya thanked him profusely and gave him directions to the castle before hanging up. _

Fred paused and leafed through the pages briefly.

"The rest of the next ten pages pretty much describes each person she calls and how their conversations go. Shall I press on?" The entire room agreed heartily and Fred obliged.

"I believe it is your turn to take notes brother," George pointed out and snatched the book away.

"_Well now we have all our performers lined up," Acacya said while jotting down the last name of all who agreed. The list was long and exceedingly talented. She couldn't wait until the end of the week!_

"_Wait a minute…" Harry gasped and grabbed the paper. "If my math is correct then we are just short of the time limit we were supposed to fill!" he moaned and flopped back in distress. _

"_What will we do?" Draco asked nervously. Both he and Ron were clinging together in terror while staring at Acacya in fear. _

"_Well we certainly can't just stop the concert early!" Acacya assured firmly. "That would be so totally lame!" For a moment all just sat there, pouting, before Acacya was hit by inspiration. _

"_You have that look I adore Acacya," Harry whispered and smiled widely at her. Acacya also grinned and leaned forward eagerly. _

"_You all are going to love it," she whispered and instantly began to explain her plan. _

"The end of the chapter," George announced and gently closed the book. "How are the notes going Fred?" he asked and peered over at his brother. Fred grinned and gave him thumbs up.

"I think I got most of what we would need," Fred answered and George grinned.

"Excellent!" The two boys exchanged a look and settled themselves in a couch like the rest.

"We were gonna leave after saying a quick hello," Fred said after seeing the curious faces.

"But now we're curious about this story," George finished with a smirk. Harry rolled his eyes but turned his attention back to Hermione.

"Why do you always look at _me_ when we finish a chapter?" she snapped. "Since we all read once we start the order over!" Hermione explained moodily and jabbed a finger at Harry. "Since you were the first to read it's now you're turn." Harry gulped and visibly paled.

No good could come from this.

**A/N: Okay, so the actual concert wasn't in this chapter. I thought about doing it but had too much fun with the whole "Celebrity" thing. And for those of you that know who Adam Pascal is… bravo. **

**Anyway, please review!!**


	14. It's a Celebrity Palooza!

**A/N: I'm back and I PROMISE that the concert happens in this chapter. :D There will be several guest appearances and I should explain myself about at least one. I, at the moment, am in LOVE with Adam Pascal. Therefore, he will have a rather large bit in here and that's partially MY fantasy. (sighs) Anyway, there will also be other guest stars so enjoy! If you don't know who some of the people are (unless I don't really either) I would be happy to either explain or give links to pictures in a review reply or something… and look at the bottom author's note for a special chance to see YOUR favorite star in the next chapter!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter. **

Harry carefully picked up the book and adjusted his glasses anxiously. He had a strong desire to mess with his already wild hair but decided it would make his nervousness all the more apparent. Finally, he read and ignored the scratching of a quill from Fred and George.

_The big day had come… the day that the amazing foursome and been waiting for since last week when the planning began. The Great Hall had been expanded magically to meet the requirements for the concert and streamers decorated the normally dull walls. Lights were flashing and some loud music was pumping, sending a thrill through Acacya's body. Before long all the of the students would be sitting or standing in one great mass and helping themselves to the wonderful snack table. There were at least fifty tables that were filled with any sugary sweet or caffeinated drink you could possible think of. _

_It was absolutely perfect. Like Acacya (giggle!). _

_Just then, the performers began to file onto the stage and the students screamed at the top of their lungs. Acacya took this as her cue to use her announcing abilities and speak to her student population. _

"_HELLO HOGWARTS!" she screamed into the microphone provided for her. The students screamed much louder and Acacya smiled down at their eager faces. "Are you ready to get your freak on?" More screams answered this totally obvious question. "Well then give it up for our performers!" More applauding came and Acacya danced back off the stage. _

_My Chemical Romance raced up to the front and began jamming out on their instruments, singing their number one hit. _

_Acacya watched from the stage and didn't even flinch when she felt Harry's strong arms around her. The two grooved out to the beat and were absolutely content in each other's company. Not to mention they snogged a lot. _

_This was going to be a night to remember._

"Does anyone else have a bad feeling about this?" Neville stuttered from the back. Everyone nodded though the twins seemed a little eager to see what would happen at the concert.

"This entire concept is ridiculous," Malfoy muttered from the back and glowered dangerously. "Which therefore makes it all give me a bad feeling."

Harry just looked ready to either cry, pass out, or throw up.

_As Acacya and Harry danced together close to the stage there came a sudden tap on Harry's shoulder. He turned and grinned widely when he saw none other than the famous Adam Pascal behind him. His short blonde hair shone in the flickering lights and his distinguishable voice had to yell to be heard over the noise. _

"_Hi, I'm Adam," he introduced himself and shook hands with both Harry and Acacya. Acacya gushed and moved closer to get a better look. _

"_Of course I know you! You starred in RENT as Roger!" she squealed and gave Adam a large hug. Adam laughed and patted her shoulder. _

"_Of course I remember my biggest fan!" he said with a wink and nodded towards Harry. "Love your books man…" Harry blushed and nodded. _

"_You're on right after Ray Charles," Acacya instructed and laughed when Adam groaned. _

"_Brought back to life singers are always such a hard act to follow!" he complained but went backstage to set up anyway. Acacya giggled merrily and then turned back to Harry. _

"_Oh darling, wasn't he just the cutest thing?" Acacya gushed and Harry nodded in agreement. _

"_Seems like a nice guy," he reasoned and smiled down at his beloved. He couldn't believe the success that the concert was having! And she had even booked the Weird Sisters, which was bound to drive the entire crowd wild. _

"What?" Ron yelped and glared at the book. "The Weird Sisters are almost unbookable! Dumbledore had to practically threaten them to get them for the Yule Ball!" Hermione rolled her eyes and shot a look at her distraught friend.

"Honestly Ronald, that's childish!" she snapped disapprovingly. "That's nothing to get worked up about! Now the fact that she managed to bring Ray Charles back to life…" She was greeted by blank stares.

"We don't even know who that is," Ron sulked, stung by Hermione's words. Hermione glanced at Harry and hoped he at least would understand. Harry shrugged sheepishly and smiled sadly.

"Dursleys," he explained and Hermione sighed.

"Never mind then…" she muttered and Harry continued on.

_Snow Patrol had just finished the beautiful song, "Chasing Cars", and the audience went crazy. Lots of couples had been slow dancing to it while the rest just sat in silence sat and soaked in the music and lyrics. _

_Once the cheering died down, the audience waited expectantly for the next band to start playing as well. Instead, a young man jumped out onto the stage and was instantly recognized as… _**(A/N: This is for you hersheygal!)**

_Matthew Fox! The lead man from the hit T.V. show LOST!!! WhoooOOOooo!! Everyone started screaming and some even cried a little. _

"_WE LOVE YOU FOXXY!!" Several girls screamed and began to try and claw their up to the stage. Matthew just laughed and grabbed the microphone. He winked over at his fans and began to speak. _

"_I'm here as a favor to Acacya," he explained, "And I'm here to announce the next performers. Put your hands together for… FIFTY CENT!!" Everyone continued to scream as the afore mentioned rapper bounded onto the stage and began to… rap. _

_Draco and Ron began to whoop together and bounced up and down to the heavy beat with the rest of the student population. Ever since Draco came out about his past both he and Ron became very good friends and did close to everything together. _

_Acacya laughed at the two new friends and continued to dance with Harry. It was then that she looked over and saw a rather startling (but totally sweet!) moment between Sevvy and Minnie! _("Does she mean Snape and McGonagall?" Dean asked in surprise.) _They were dancing pressed up close to each other with stars in their eyes. It seemed that they simply couldn't keep their hands off each other and Sevvy's hands were roaming…_

"STOP!!!" the entire room screeched but Harry had already been flipping forward into the book frantically. He finally relaxed when he had reached the point where no more dirty dancing had been described and gave a huge sigh of relief.

What followed was an incredibly tense and incredibly awkward silence.

"Let's never speak of it again," Ginny whispered through pale lips. Everyone immediately agreed and an unofficial pact as made to never mention the horrifying sequence to anyone.

"Is it safe?" Seamus stuttered and Harry nodded.

"Well I guess it depends on your definition of safe," Harry added afterwards but hurriedly began reading again.

"_And now," Acacya announced through the microphone, "I am very pleased to welcome our next two performers. They're from a popular television show called "AMERICAN IDOL!!" and were willing to forfeit their chance of winning the prize by performing with us tonight. So here they are! Blake Lewis followed by the irreplaceable Sanjaya!" The audience shrieked until their throats were hoarse while the performers jumped on the stage. Blake did his signature beat boxing with occasional vocals while Sanjaya danced crazily behind him. __**(A/N: Sorry if you don't watch American Idol but it was requested.)**_

_Acacya giggled insanely and begged Sanjaya to do the "hair thing". Which he obliged to because if it weren't for his luscious locks he would have absolutely no career. Acacya was also pretty sure that Blake had a new tattoo on his right wrist that said "Acacya" on it. This made her blush and grin adorably. _

The entire room groaned in annoyance.

"We don't even know any of these people!" Dean whined and hung his head.

"Could we just skip past all of this to maybe when it was close to the end of the whole concert thing?" Hermione asked meekly and Harry agreed willingly.

"The chapter is probably one hundred pages long anyways," he muttered before finding an appropriate place.

_There came a brief intermission in the concert and the students lounged about and chatted to each other animatedly. They had never had such an event at Hogwarts before and they were beyond excited. Acacya was glad to have brought a little more joy, light, and hope into the lives of the dreary and depressed souls of Hogwarts. Look at how well her suggestion of Minnie and Sevvy getting together went!_

"_I'm so glad that this is going well," Acacya voiced out loud and Harry stopped staring at her in a daze long enough to hear this. He chuckled throatily and pulled her a little closer to him with a sigh. _

"_I wouldn't be so surprised if I were you. Everything you touch turns to gold!" Acacya laughed and smacked Harry's shoulder lightly. _

"_Stop that Mr. Potter!" she teased. Harry's smiling face turned deathly serious though and he turned Acacya to face him. _

"_I mean it Acacya," he whispered and pulled her even closer. "You've fixed me. No one ever understood what I felt until you came. Especially Hermione," he muttered darkly. Acacya wrapped Harry in a hug and held him tight. "I was even on the brink of asking… Ginny out on a date before you showed up," he added. Acacya gasped in horror imagining the sight. Her precious Harry being fondled and drooled on by that disgusting Ginny Weasley! It was repulsive!_

"_She is a disgusting girl isn't she?" she whispered and Harry agreed. _

"_Yes, yes she is." Just then, Coldplay began to play their mega hit "Fix You". Harry and Acacya grinned at the appropriateness of the song and began to slow dance with each other. Harry thanked the day that he met Acacya and whatever brought her to the school to save him. _

Ginny's face was screwed up into a weird expression and it seemed that her face was growing redder and redder, a sure sign she was upset about something.

"I-I'll be back," she muttered and rushed up to her dorm. Hermione sighed and jumped up to her feet and smiled apologetically at everyone else.

"I'll go see what's wrong," she explained and began to head up the stairs after her distraught friend.

"Just don't come back as Acacya this time!" Ron hollered and Hermione laughed shortly. "Go ahead and keep reading Harry," Ron said but Harry's eyes had followed Ginny worriedly up the stone steps and didn't hear. "Harry?"

"What?" Harry shouted and blushed lightly when he realized he had practically screamed this at Ron. He hadn't meant to of course. Ron cocked an eyebrow and looked around the room.

"Are you okay mate?" he asked in concern. Harry nodded and smiled but gave his hair a quick ruffle.

"Just get on with it Pothead," Draco muttered sourly.

_When the song ended Harry and Acacya still didn't part as they swayed to their own song. Luckily, no one really noticed because immediately after Coldplay, Adam Pascal jumped on the stage and began to sing "One Song Glory". _

"_One song, glory," Adam began and smiled when the crowds cheered. "One song before I go. Glory. One song to leave behind!" Acacya smiled into Harry's shoulder and continued to sway with him. Harry seemed lost in his thoughts and barely even noticed how Acacya's hands gripped into his shoulder tightly. _

_Eventually, the song came to a close and both lovebirds came back to their senses. It seemed that the new upbeat tempo had broken the lovestruck trance they had been in and now they were normal once more. _

_Acacya knew that the concert would be over soon and she hurriedly whispered to Harry. _

"_Come on, we have to get ready," she hissed and Harry instantly understood. They left to the sounds of Beyonce rocking out to some unfamiliar tune. Ron and Draco were right behind them, grinning ear to ear. _

_This was certainly going to be the performance of a lifetime. _

"HA!" Harry cried and bounded off the chair. Everyone sighed in relief that it was all over for now. That had certainly been the most annoying bit so far.

"I hope Ginny's alright," Ron said aloud and eyed the staircase hopefully. Dean slapped his shoulder and grinned.

"Don't worry, she's fine," Dean assured and Ron grimaced. He never really liked Dean because he had dated Ginny for a time. That was enough to go on Ron's blacklist.

"Thanks for the vote of confidence," he managed to choke out and was immensely relieved when Dean backed off.

"So Ron, I believe it's your turn again," Harry said and grinned evilly. Ron gulped and shook his head.

"NOOOOOOOO!!!"

**A/N: Alright, so the rest of the concert will continue in the next chapter. If you want to see someone that YOU love have a brief cameo in the next chapter then let me know in a review or PM so I can write it in. I tried to keep it diverse in this chapter but I'm biased so it was hard. :D Thanks! Please review!**


	15. Acacya and Friends

**A/N: I have returned!! I'm sorry it took a while to update but I got really sick last week (stomach flu… (groans)) and I got really behind for a while. So I think I've finally caught up. So this will be the final part of the concert (whoo!) so read and enjoy!**

**Disclaimer: Don't own it. **

"Oh, come on Ron. It'll be fun!" Harry cheerfully exclaimed and began to whistle a happy little tune. Ron shot daggers at Harry and for a moment refused to budge from his seat.

"I think I'll stay right here thanks," he declared with a sniff. Harry rolled his eyes in annoyance (as did the rest of the room) but soon the haughty expression on Ron's face was wiped clean off. Draco had used his magic to send the book flying at Ron, hitting him roughly in the face.

"So stay there Weasel," he sneered and for once none of the Gryffindors jeered or booed him. It was definitely not something Malfoy would like to get used to.

Ron scowled but pried the book away from his face anyway, shooting a disgusting glare at everyone in the room.

"_When you read my mind!" The final strains of The Killers's hit song, "Read My Mind", died away the crowd went __**wild**__. They began to scream and holler and beat their feet against the floor. They were having the best time at Hogwarts since they started their first year. Nothing could top this! _

_Eventually though the screaming stopped and everyone waited expectantly to see who would take the stage next. Imagine their surprise when none other than Johnny Depp waltzed across the stage and took the microphone. _

_This started up another screaming session in which Johnny just stood there and smiled at the eager crowd. When they finally settled down, Johnny began to talk. _

"'_Ello beasties," he said heroically in a mimic of his role of Captain Jack. This caused a whole new round of screaming and cheering and Johnny had to wait even longer__**. "**__ Now we've all seen some amazing talent," he began but had to stop again because people were shrieking so much. "But we have yet to see the greatest gem of all! It is my pleasure to welcome, in her debut performance, Acacya and her friends!" The crowd began to scream again and Johnny bowed his way off the stage respectfully. On his way off the stage, Johnny blew a small kiss over towards Acacya who caught it eagerly with a giggle. _

"_Let's do this," Acacya hissed and ushered the three boys on ahead of her. She would enter last at the opportune time. _

"What did I miss?" a loud and obnoxious female voice demanded as Ginny stormed back down the stairs. Everyone jumped in surprise and glared.

"Acacya and her cronies are about to sing," Dean explained and smiled up at Ginny. Ginny managed to grimace back at him and took her seat (which actually happened to be rather close to Harry) with as much dignity as possible.

"Are you okay?" Luna asked with faint concern laced around her words. Ginny nodded and did her best to smile again.

"I'm fine," she said shortly and offered no other explanation. Hermione, however, leaned over and whispered something in Luna's ear secretively. An enlightened expression crossed Luna's face and she beamed rather widely.

"Can we just get this over with?" Malfoy barked in annoyance.

"I would almost thing you _wanted _to read this Malfoy," Fred observed over his notes with a sly smirk. Draco rolled his eyes and sneered but didn't retract his statement.

_The lights dimmed dramatically and the entire Hall was silent. There were three shadowy figures up on the stage and the anticipation mounted. After what seemed like an eternity, several beats were banged out on a drum of some kind and one male voice began the song. _

"_I'm too sexy for my love, too sexy for my love and love's going to leave me," Ron droned in a monotone with Harry and Draco backing him up with background vocals. Once this statement had passed through his lips the lights shot up and revealed the three boys on the stage. The three were in the shape of a pyramid with Harry in the front and Ron and Draco in the back. Their outfits consisted of white loose, button-up shirts and tight black leather pants. Their hair was expertly mussed and styled. _

_The audience screamed and some peppy dance music was blasted as the three boys started the routine. _

"I'll spare us from having to read our routine," Ron stammered but unfortunately someone beat him to the punch. Hermione and Ginny had yanked the book from Ron's fingers and began to read in delighted voices.

_In unison, the boys turned and kicked their legs up in time with the music and shook their sexy hair sexily. After they did this exactly four times Ron and Draco shimmied while Harry did some freestyle (consisting of much shaking and wiggling) before taking over the vocals. _

"_I'm too sexy for my shirt," Harry sang and the girls all screamed in compliance. "Too sexy for my shirt so sexy it… hurts!" Harry made a dramatic and supposedly 'pained' face while fingering the collar of his shirt. The girls screamed once more and Harry moonwalked to the back of the pyramid, allowing Draco to come to the front. _

"_And I'm too sexy for Milan," Draco started and smirked as the girls also went crazy. "Too sexy for Milan, New York and Japan!" Another brief musical interlude followed this and Draco sashayed back down the stage while the crowd went wild again. _

The room was silent for a moment as Hermione and Ginny paused to breath during their laughing fits. Suddenly, there came a great outburst from the poor victims only it was all said at once so it sounded a little like this…

"KickwhattheIdon'tshimmytoosexyshirtwiggleandshakeandwiggleIDONOTSASHAYscreammoonwalkBLOODYHELL!!!!!"

(Translation (various characters at once): We kick in unison? What the hell? I do _not_ shimmy! I'm too sexy for my _shirt?_ Who would wiggle and shake and wiggle? I DO NOT SASHAY FOR ANYTHING!!! I'm going to scream! I don't even know how to moonwalk!! BLOODY HELL!!!)

This outburst caused Hermione and Ginny (not to mention various other members in the room) to laugh even harder.

"Oh you three are bloody priceless," Hermione giggled while taking great gulps of air to calm herself down. Ginny had managed to wipe the tears from her eyes before grabbing the book again and starting out where Hermione left off.

_Ron then did several back flips until he was in the front while the music continued to beat its consistent beat. When he righted himself he gave a little wink and shook his shoulders to the beat. The girls screamed just as loudly as before. _

"_I'm too sexy for your party, too sexy for your party," Ron sang, continuing the song finally. "No way I'm disco dancing." At this line Ron started to do a disco move while shaking his head sadly and mouthing 'no'. _("Oh Ron! That is so sexy!")

_And then, a hole opened up in the middle of the stage and all three boys rushed over to help its occupant onto the stage. A beautiful young woman wearing a hot pink leather miniskirt and a tight, tight black tank top emerged from the hole and took over the stage.  
_

_Her pink shimmery eyeshadow sparkled under the stage lights and her long flowing hair billowed behind her (while still staying in its naturally perfect style) and her tall black boots supported her feet so that she floated even more than usual down the stage. _

"_I'm a model, you know what I mean," Acacya sang and it was as if the heavens themselves had opened up at the sound of her voice. She sauntered to the front of the stage and centered herself. "And I do my little turn on the catwalk…" At this she turned beautifully and popped one foot up in time with the music and never broke eye contact with the audience. "On the catwalk, yeah, I do my little turn on the catwalk." Acacya then quickly did a full turn and winked at the audience enticingly. _

_All of the men in the audience roared their approval while their girlfriends sulked in a corner. They were miserable and ugly anyway. _

Now it was not only Hermione and Ginny that were in fits of laughter. The entire room was now in an uproar and George had to stop writing and set his quill down for danger of stabbing someone with the pointy end in his laughter. Even Ron (who had been quite sulky during his own little paragraph) was now laughing so that his face turned as red as his hair and he had to learn on Hermione for support.

"This woman is _bloody_ insane!" Draco barked and held onto his stomach while he laughed. For a second time that afternoon, everyone agreed with the Slytherin. Not that they would openly admit it.

"Finish it!" Dean chuckled and Hermione reached out and grabbed the book once more.

_Another musical interlude and Acacya went into the center of the ring that the three boys had made on the stage. _

"_I'm too sexy for my car," Ron started this time. "Too sexy for my car… too sexy by far!" With this he made the motion of starting the ignition of a car and Acacya giggled and gave him a kiss on the cheek. He blushed red. _

"_And I'm too sexy for my hat," Draco sang and tossed a hat off the stage into the audience. "Too sexy for my hat what do you think about that?" Then all three boys jumped in unison and then parted to let Acacya and Harry through. _

"_Oh I'm a model you know what I mean," Acacya sang again and waltzed to the front again while Draco and Ron did some backup. Harry walked with her with his arm across her waist and wandering ever so slightly…_

"ALRIGHT HARRY!! I GET THE BLOODY MESSAGE!" Hermione snapped and Harry stopped waving his hands frantically. Hermione huffed a little and flipped the pages until she found an appropriate spot. "You don't have to be such a bloody spaz!"

"Hermione," Fred tutted and wagged a finger, "Language."

"_And I do my little turn on the catwalk," Acacya then turned so that her front was facing Harry and she smiled devilishly. "On the catwalk yeah." _("Alright… censoring now…" Hermione muttered so that Harry wouldn't have a seizure.) _"I shake my little tush on the catwalk!" The men all roared once more as Acacya proceeded to do some shaking. _

"_YOU ROCK ACACYA!!" someone screamed in the audience and Acacya blew them a kiss before Ron and Draco came up level with her. _

"_I'm too sexy for my " all three sang and paused so that the audience could fill in the blanks. _

"_GIRLFRIEND!" many men screamed and Acacya nodded in approval. _

"_Too sexy for my "_

"_GRANDMOTHER!" _

_The music paused for a moment and then all four on the stage began to swing their hips in unison. _

"_We are models, you know what we mean," they sang in unison and the audience once more erupted into applause. "And we do our little turn on the catwalk. On the catwalk… on the catwalk yeah." At this the four turned around in unison for the final line. "We shake our little tushies on the catwalk." More screaming ensued and soon boys and girls were throwing themselves at the stage in hopes of landing on it. _

"_I'm too sexy for my cat," Harry sang solo before Ron went to stand beside him. _

"_Too sexy for my cat," Ron echoed and Draco was up next to them. _

"_Poor pussy, poor pussy cat," Draco purred and gave a characteristic smirk for the ladies in the audience. At this moment Harry, Ron, and Draco got on their knees and held their hands up so that Acacya could step on them. Acacya quickly did so and as the boys lifted her up high she sang the final note. _

"_And I'm too sexy for this song!" The dance music cutoff but the formation stayed up as the audience applauded like crazy. _

"Now who purrs?" Harry shouted and Malfoy and pumped a fist in the air. Draco just narrowed his eyes and made a rude gesture.

"That was hilarious," Ginny chuckled but in an instant her face was serious. "But let's never read it again. Agreed?" The room didn't even have to hesitate with its answer.

"Agreed."

**A/N: (laughs uncontrollably) I'm sorry but I just had **_**too **_**much fun writing that. Though it was a little creepy at times too. I hope it was fun for you as it was for me! Not my longest update ever but hopefully content makes up for it. Please review! **


	16. Not So Predictable, BETCH!

**A/N: Wow… I'm going to be doing this a lot. Apologizing I mean. xD Basically, the reason for my long extended absence is that I was stuck for two months of summer vacation without a computer that has the right formatting for FanFiction. So, I apologize for the obnoxiously long wait. On a brighter note, here's a new chapter of the epic story of Acacya and her time at Hogwarts! (Got the new book by the way… am really excited to get started reading though I know I'm going to be super depressed throughout). **

**Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter. The woman that is currently richer than the Queen of England does. **

Ron smiled in a way that made it seem as if he were incredibly relieved. And why shouldn't he be? His turn had been used up by two girls who were obsessed with making his life miserable. He had barely even read a few opening paragraphs before the book was hijacked and even though the content was torturous it helped that he had escaped the sentence of actually being forced to read.

Suddenly all of those feelings of relief washed away from his features.

Hermione was stretching her arms with the accursed book in her hands towards Ronald Weasley with a look of supposed sweetness on her face.

"You wanna read the next chapter Ron?" she asked though it was hardly a question. Ron was going to have to read this next chapter whether he liked it or not.

"Not really," he muttered but snatched the book up anyway. Hermione looked rather smug as she leaned back into her previous comfortable position and waited for Ron to begin.

Ron cleared his throat and flipped open to the marked spot that Hermione had made for him.

"The name of this chapter is 'The Day After'," Ron explained before diving into the story.

_Acacya woke to the bright sunlight that was streaming through hers and Harry's room. At first the room was unfamiliar until the reality washed through her. The architects had finished the room while she and everyone else had been at the party. _

_It was everything she could have imagined. _

_Several weeks ago, Dumbledore had told her and Harry that since they were so committed to each other that they were allowed to have a dorm all to themselves. They had both been delighted and the plans had been put in place immediately. Acacya had always been an excellent designer and had designed many rooms for celebrities in the past. Now was going to be her greatest project yet… a love nest for both her and her one true love. Harry. _

_And here was the fruit of her labors. _

_She was currently lying on a huge king sized mattress that was completely swamped with bright pink blankets and comforters. The pillows behind her head were satin and very silky and soft (and also of the pink color). The walls alternated between lavender and pink and the decorations included Acacya's favorite animals… unicorns of course as well as brightly colored rainbows and happy little leprechauns dancing around. In fact, all of the decorations were magically enhanced to look as though they were moving and dancing with each other. _

"Not even a five year old would want a room like that!" Ginny spat and rolled her eyes at the absurdities coming from the book.

"It would give them nightmares," Fred agreed while George took diligent notes beside him.

"Favorite color… pink…" George muttered as he wrote. The entire room collectively rolled their eyes at him.

_There were elaborate dressers made of the finest mahogany with brass handles and giant glass mirrors over top. They were for both of our mass amounts of clothing (not to mention the huge walk-in closets that were installed for this purpose as well. There was even a huge shoe compartment designed just for Harry!). _

_And this was just the bedroom. I could hardly wait to see what the rest of the dorm was like. _

_But it seemed that Harry had other plans to fulfill first. _

"Sweet Merlin," Ron grumbled and flipped through the pages rather quickly. "That didn't take long did it?" Harry was rather pale again and shook his head sadly.

"Voldemort suddenly seems much less scary," he intoned with a monotone voice. Everyone else seemed to agree.

_Once we finally got out of the shower, Harry and I spent time reminiscing about the night before and admiring our new home. _

"_It was a lovely party, wasn't it Harry dear?" I asked hopefully, still somewhat afraid that maybe he didn't think it was quite as spectacular as I did. _("Huh… seems she felt it was time to switch the perspectives on us. Shocker.")

"_It was TOTALLY off the hook," he assured me and kissed the top of my head. "Completely off the hizzie, for shizzle, rizzle Acacya." I had forgotten how fluent he was in gangster speech. He was so brilliant…_

"_Well I'm glad," I chuckled with a grin on my face. Harry laughed with me and hugged me a little closer. _

"_You also did a fantastic job with the dorm," he praised while his eyes wandered around the room briefly. "It's really beautiful. I always wanted a room with unicorns on the walls." _

"_Really?" I asked, secretly pleased that I had made him so happy. _

"_Well sure! I've just always been afraid to say so because of my rep as The-Boy-Who-Didn't-Die or whatever the hell they call me." I was also pleased at how modest and unconcerned about his prophecy he was. _

"_Well I'm glad to hear it."_

"Wow… this is probably the most boring scene out of all of them. At least all the other ones were horrifying, sickening, vomit inducing, or eye burning," Dean complained. "But this plain boringness is even more unbearable than the rest of the book!" Harry glared at him.

"Well you're not the one that she's making confess that you wanted unicorns and happy rainbows in your room your whole life. Or that you're completely unconcerned about what is to become of the entire Wizarding World!" Harry huffed. Seamus also came up with an interesting point though.

"Well, Harry even you have to admit that she's gotten a little predicable. You haven't cried for a few chapters now," the Irish student argued. Harry stopped to consider this and found it to be sort of true.

"I suppose…" he finally responded but his eyes were still doubtful.

Ron's eyes scanned the page and then he sighed audibly. Then he read this single passage.

_Then the two of us made our way to the bathroom where we enjoyed ourselves with toothpaste, shampoo, shaving cream (for Harry's legs as well as my own:Wink:) and various already dirtied towels. _

"Need I continue?" Ron drawled in a very Malfoy-ish manner. Both sides of the argument were silenced. Dean and Seamus because they were completely stunned by the sudden realization that Mary-Sues would never really be predictable and Harry because he was too busy trying to convince himself that it would be okay to brush his teeth again if he really tried to block the memory from his mind.

"I thought not."

_When we both finally walked into the Great Hall we were hailed as stars. Everyone wanted to talk to us and wanted us to sit at their table. We could see from the Gryffindor table that both Harry and Ron were receiving the same treatment as us. _

_None of us could have been any happier. _

_From a distance, the bookworm could be seen trying to catch Ron's attention as she gnashed her buckteeth together loudly and flung dirt at him by tossing her hair in what would be a flirtatious manner. _

_Ron looked disgusted. _

_I quickly decided to save him from the torture by detangling myself from Harry and walked firmly over to the Dirty One. _

"_Back off betch, he's MINE!" I snarled and drug both Ron and Draco away before she could react. _

"_We love you Acacya," both boys declared and I just smirked at them. _

"_They all do…" I replied with a hint of satisfaction coloring my voice. Meanwhile, Harry didn't look the least bit jealous or surprised. Instead, he hailed me as a wonderful and great woman for standing up for Ron and Draco like that. _

"_You're a wonderful, beautiful, upstanding, gorgeous, unsurpassable, ideal, wonderful, magnificent, superb, breath taking, fantastic, brilliant, amazing, astonishing, marvelous, stunning, groovy, fabulous, tremendous, extraordinary, incredible, remarkable, unbelievable, inconceivable, outstanding, WONDERFUL people I have ever met!" Harry said. _

"_I know," I replied modestly and began to dig into my breakfast of 3 peeled grapes and spring water._

"Who knew that there could be so many WRONG ways to describe this woman?" Hermione seethed and once again had that book burning glare in her eyes.

"Please, she's not even a woman," Ron countered with a snort. Hermione looked incredibly pleased at this.

"Is the chapter almost over?" Ginny whined and looked worriedly over at Harry. Ron glanced through the remaining pages and grinned widely.

"Almost," he promised.

_Quite suddenly, Sevvy and Minnie came through the doorway of the Great Hall hand-in-hand. They looked incredibly pleased and none of us had ever seen Minnie look so pretty. Not nearly as pretty as me of course. _

"_Everyone!" Sevvy declared and I once more marveled at his new and improved voice. It no longer was greasy and bleak but instead clear, strong, and beautiful. "We have an announcement to make!" The entire Great Hall grew silent out of respect for their new favorite teachers. _

"_Sevvy and I…" Minnie began before looking at Sevvy in an approving way. It encouraged him to finish her statement. _

"_We have been sleeping together for the past month!" he declared proudly. There was a moment or two of stunned silence before Dumbledore slowly stood from his chair. And he began to slowly applaud. _

_Acacya was the next to jump up and applaud enthusiastically and the entire school followed her example. The entire school was in an uproar of appreciation and the Hall rang with the cheerful cat-calls and whistles. _

_Sevvy and Minnie smiled appreciatively and accepted all the congratulations that they received. It really was turning out to be a spectacular morning for all. _

_Well… not for Weaselette and Dirty One. _

"End of chapter!" Ron declared happily and tossed the book behind him. "Are you happy now?" he asked Hermione and she was forced to nod although she was beaming at him happily.

"You did an excellent job." Ron nearly glowed under the praise.

"Oh Seamus!"

**A/N: Kinda short and pointless but it's certainly better than no update right? Five pages isn't HORRIBLE… right? Again, I apologize for the horrible wait. Please drop a review, or I shall have to release Acacya on those who do not. **

**Oh, and I do NOT own the term "betch". I'm pretty sure that belongs to that guy who came up with Kelley from the "Shoes" video. **


	17. Someone Dies

**A/N: For any who read and didn't review… expect a visit later on tonight. (frightening music) Anyway… I finished the new HP book (finally!) and am super excited and found myself rather pleased with it. I won't post any spoilers or anything but if anyone wants to talk about it with me feel free to send me a PM. **

**And now onto the story… the turn is Seamus's and he's not too thrilled. **

**Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter. **

From the back of the room several choice swear words were emitted, quickly followed by Hermione's indignant gasp.

"Seamus!" she scolded and turned bright pink. Seamus, out of spite, threw out a few more swear words and a rude gesture and made his way to the front of the room. He ignored Hermione's dirty looks and instead picked up the book that Ron had thrown on the chair. He muttered something about the book being utterly ridiculous and the fact that they were even bothering to read it was, and I quote, "absurd".

"Oh stop whining and get on with it," Draco snapped and Seamus kicked a shoe at him.

With his anger properly vented now, Seamus began to read.

_Acacya and Harry were heading down the hallway when they both heard something that chilled them to the bone…_

"Wait, wait," Draco shouted and Seamus stopped to glare at him over the book. "You're really going to have to work on that accent. It makes it impossible to understand what's happening." Seamus scowled deeply and fingered his wand for a moment before continuing on in a slower pace.

_Acacya and Harry were heading down the hallway when they both heard something that chilled them to the bone. It was the sound of a student screaming. _("Finally! Something interesting!") _Acacya and Harry quickly raced to the scene and saw something that was truly horrifying. _

_Ginny was lying face first in the ground, her typical pile of dirt surrounding her, and the incredibly sexy Ron was standing over her and yelling. It was not the body that he was screaming about though… it was the mark over her body. It was the Dark Lord's Mark and it was a giant evil looking rabbit skull (it was rumored that his name was Frank) with a worm revolving around his head. It was truly revolting and it took all that Acacya had not to turn away from the sight._

"Oh Merlin's pants!" Hermione screeched and everyone jumped in surprise. Ron arched his eyebrows and patted her on the back.

"Let it out Hermione… that's the ticket," he encouraged, grinning.

"That's utterly ridiculous," both Harry and Draco shouted at the same time, glowering.

"That's not the Dark Mark," Harry sulked and looking incredibly peeved. Draco was just sitting in the back with a hideous sneer on his face but refused to comment anymore.

"Write that Mary-Sue's are delusional," George whispered and Fred eagerly wrote it down with a grin.

"You mean you haven't gotten that down yet?" Neville asked in surprise. George shrugged and gave a goofy grin.

"We missed it somewhere along the way… though we haven't been here as long as you lot and she hadn't said anything nearly that delusional as long as we were here," George explained. Neville had to agree.

"Can I keep going now?" Seamus asked, looking rather cranky. Sadly, he was not yet allowed to continue.

"She _killed_ me?" Ginny screeched and was trembling in anger.

"Oh no… she's going to cry again," Ron sighed and rolled his eyes. Hermione promptly gave him a smack on the shoulder and glared angrily.

"Ron!" she cried, obviously forgetting her distress at the previous passage. "Don't be such a git!"

"That's twice in a row!" Dean pointed out from his seat but shrank away from Hermione's death stare. Luckily Harry stepped in before any more serious quarreling could take place.

"Come on guys, after this chapter we can take a break!" Harry promised and everyone immediately calmed down again. Hermione still looked a little resentful but she comforted Ginny silently now.

"Thank you," Seamus said curtly and began to read again.

_Harry appeared frozen in shock so Acacya decided to be the one to take action. The first thing that she did was calm down Ron with a gentle kiss. Then, she rushed over to the mark and let loose some sparks from her wand to get some help. Dumbledore immediately came and took in the grave situation. _

_Acacya herself felt pale and weak. She couldn't believe that the Dark Mark was before her… jeering at her. Ginny was of no consequence of course but she could not help but feel terribly afraid. _

_Harry finally came to his senses and gathered Acacya into his arms and stood close to his best friend Ron. They waited in silence as Dumbledore continued to assess the sight before them. He then turned gravely to Harry and Acacya and said only this. _

"_It has begun. You must prepare for the war." _

_Acacya gasped and both Ron and Harry held either of her hands comfortingly. _

"_Yes Albus," Harry agreed and his eyes flicked once more to the Dark Mark. "We'll be ready." _

"And they're not concerned that You-Know-Who might actually already be in the castle… _why_?" Dean asked and Ron shrugged with his uninjured shoulder.

"Who knows mate," he replied solemnly.

"_Come on Acacya," Harry said quickly and pulled her away from the scene. Acacya kept up rather well even though Harry's strong and muscled legs moved rather quickly. _

"_What are we going to do?" she asked breathlessly and Harry shrugged, rather unsure himself. _

"_I don't know… whatever we can I suppose," he replied but Acacya was unsatisfied. _

"_What's going to happen to Hogwarts?" she demanded and again Harry shrugged. _

"_For God's sake Harry!" Acacya screamed and Harry stopped dead in surprise. "Don't you have a plan?" Harry gaped at her in shock… still digesting the words that cut him to the bone. It appeared that their very first row was about to take place when suddenly things changed. _

_A screamed curse threw them both out of sorts and Acacya was the quickest to act. _

"_Avada Kedavra!" a voice hissed and the curse was hurtling towards Harry. Acacya screamed and threw herself in the path of the red jet of light and allowing it to strike her own body instead of her one true love's. _("That's the wrong color! Oh… sorry Harry…")

"_Acacya!" Harry cried in anguish and fell to his knees. The mysterious intruder gave a hiss of annoyance but then was gone, leaving Harry and Acacya alone. _

"_Acacya!" Harry cried out again, reaching out to her fallen form and pulling her closer to him. "Acacya, can you hear me?"_

"_Harry," came Acacya's weak response as her heavy eyes fluttered up to Harry's face. _("Oh for goodness sakes! She's still alive?")

"_Oh Acacya… I'm so sorry. So, so sorry," Harry wailed and cradled her head. Acacya gave a weak smile and shook her head. _

"_It's better this way Harry. You need to live… you need to save your world." Harry sobbed and shook his head repeatedly. _

"_No, no, no! Acacya I can't go on without you! I love you too damn much!" Harry protested and Acacya looked at him with such love and adoration. _

"_Harry my sweet… I will always be with you. Always," Acacya promised with her last few breaths. "You must go on… you must live Harry. For my sake." Harry gave a strangled cry and kissed the top of Acacya's head… relishing in the feeling of her skin and hair against his lips. _

"_I love you Harry," Acacya whispered and her eyes glimmered with tears. "I will always love you. No matter how far we are apart. Not even death can sever the love that we have for each other. And if I must die now I will die happy at the thought of seeing your face one last time." Harry sniffled and held her closer still. _

"_Acacya," he moaned and Acacya felt herself slipping away. _

"_You must live Harry. You must defeat Voldemort. Do not forget your friends for they will help you in any situation you may find yourself in. And Harry, remember me as I was the seconds before this curse hit me. Remember how beautiful, smart, funny, sweet, caring, loving, and amazing I was in life and not how I was in death. And remember this speech for it shall be the last time you hear my melodious, sweet voice or touch my smooth warm skin. And now Harry… I must die." _

_And Harry could feel the life slip away from Acacya as she uttered this last thought. _

"_Be strong my love and remember I will always love you." _

_And Harry cried bitter tears of remorse as the one person in the whole wide world died in his arms. _

"_Remember my stallion… I will always be with you. Always." _

_Harry whimpered and stroked her hair. _

"_Oh that feels so nice," Acacya murmured. "I could live an eternity with you doing that to me and nothing else." Harry mumbled in agreement but his tears started afresh when he felt her body sag against his arms. _

_She was really dead. Gone. Never to speak to him again or laugh at his jokes or plan another concert. Her beautiful soul was tarnished and ripped by the Killing Curse and Harry was powerless to do anything about it. And as his tears began to flow even more freely but he swore that he heard Acacya's voice in his head, speaking to him again. _

"_I will never truly leave you. I love you."_

The room was silent and shocked. Did Seamus read that right? Could that have actually happened? Could Acacya really have died?

And then as the last few sentences really sunk in the room erupted into great roars of joy.

"She's dead! The hideous witch is dead!" Harry crowed and nearly flew into the air he was so happy. He and Ron then began to dance around together, swinging each other around and laughing with hysterical glee. Even Draco broke into the festivities and with a flick of his wand conjured some firewhiskey. Hermione, of course, countered this by conjuring some butterbeer instead but at this point the students didn't care what they drank they were so excited.

Luna and Neville, the two most reserved of the group, sipped at some butterbeer and laughed at their friends. Hermione, Harry, and Ron downed their drinks (with the two boys taking some firewhiskey when Hermione wasn't paying attention) and laughed gaily with one another while Dean and Seamus brought out some party blowers and confetti and were distributing it amongst the group of students and seemed to rather enjoy shouting various profanities and throwing the colored paper into the air. Ginny brought down some chocolates and other various sweets that she had bought at Hogsmeade the other day, still wrapped in the plastic, and her friends all grabbed some (even Draco did without really knowing it). Fred and George were working up a happy song and were practicing it rather loudly.

All in all… the Common Room was in an uproar. Had anyone else been up in the dorms they would have thought their fellow Gryffindors mental and might have asked for Madam Pomfrey to help their classmates. Though there was no one in the Common Room for they were out and about and enjoying their weekend like normal people. Which did not include reading a demented book centered around a vain, selfish, and skanky girl.

Just then, Seamus interrupted Fred and George's song to introduce an old Irish drinking song and soon all the students were singing it loudly and gulping down their drinks excitedly while some chattered and eye rolled about Acacya's long and drawn out death. It seemed that nothing could squash their good mood.

Though the students thought that the story was over… they thought that with the death of Acacya there would be nothing else for the authoress to say. But again, they underestimated the powers of whoever it was that created Acacya in the first place. There was much more to come and more horrors to see. And little did they know that there was an enchantment on the book and that they were under its spell. And the spell demanded that they finish the book whether they liked it or not… that they would get to the very end where the greatest surprise of all was waiting for them.

It was lurking in the pages and waiting to be released.

**A/N: Alright, so is Acacya really dead? Who knows? All I know is that it's a heck of a lot quieter every time she dies around here. (is mysterious) Anyway, please review! I appreciate it! And I noticed that this chapter is really short AGAIN. Sorry. It was weird writing for certain people who… never mind. xD **


	18. Well That's Different

**A/N: I'm back! But alas, Acacya is not. Please contain your enthusiasm people, show some respect! (hides streamers and party favors behind back) Anyway, I really don't have anything else to say. Except that I was a little sad that no one got the Frank the Bunny reference. If you're old and mature enough to rent an "R" rated movie, go watch Donnie Darko. (ahem) Of course, you don't have to. Find out what it's about and then make your decision. **

**And this Author's Note took a really nerdy and rather depressing turn. At least, more than usual. On with the story. **

**Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter… just Acacya. And I have too much fun killing her off so I'm not sure if it counts.**

The students were now lying in a daze throughout the Common Room. Some were draped around the couches, others stretched against the carpet, and one (Seamus) was scrunched up in the fireplace. The party had lasted the rest of the day and all night and still none of them noticed that there was still half a book to get through. Those poor naive children… they never learn.

Harry was the first to come to at about seven in the morning even though he'd probably had the most to drink the night before. He had to be careful though, it seemed that Ginny's head had fallen on his shoulder during the night and Ron's head was right underneath Harry's feet. With a grunt, he carefully got to his feet and thought about what he was going to do next.

"Maybe I'll go get some breakfast for everyone," he thought to himself. "Except Draco," he added. Cheered by this surefire plan, Harry began to happily go to the portrait so he could pull it open and leave. He reached out, grasped the edge, and gave it a little pull. Usually the portrait didn't require much pressure and Harry didn't even think twice about it.

The painting didn't budge.

Harry frowned a pulled a little harder.

No movement.

Now entirely bewildered and frustrated, Harry pulled with all of the strength of his little body.

And he could hear the Fat Lady cry out in outrage on the other side. But still nothing moved.

"Guys!" Harry shouted, slight hangover forgotten as well as the promise of food. Hermione jerked awake as well as Ginny, Dean, Neville, and Luna. Draco heard Harry but didn't bother to react but Ron and Seamus were too dead asleep to respond.

"Merlin Harry… what's the matter?" Hermione snapped moodily, glaring at her friend through glazed eyes.

"The Portrait won't open!" Harry explained in a yelp and backed away from the entrance dazedly. Hermione was wide-awake then and was instantly on her feet and at Harry's side, studying the portrait carefully.

"Are you sure?" she asked doubtfully and snuck a glance in Harry's direction. "You _did _have a lot to drink last night." Harry sighed in frustration and motioned her to the portrait hole.

"Don't believe me? Then why don't you, Ginny, Dean, Neville, and Luna all give it a good pull then?" Harry demanded crankily and moved back for the others to try. He just hated it when he was actually right for a change but Hermione wouldn't admit it. Hermione shrugged and nodded at the other awakened students to go ahead and join her. They all pulled together at the Portrait, all of the muscles in their arms straining and their weight all being pulled against the finely crafted artwork.

Nothing happened of course.

"Bloody hell!" Hermione screeched and backed away slowly as the Fat Lady screamed in anger from the other side. Ron jerked awake and looked wildly around the room.

"Was that Hermione using the foul language?' he asked groggily and continued to whip his head around. Hermione shot a scathing look at him and Ron wilted ever so slightly. "Wherever she is… she's giving me the Death Glare," Ron mumbled and pushed himself up to his feet. "What's with all the noise?"

"Portrait won't open," Ginny explained with a nod towards the sealed portrait itself. Ron raised his eyebrows but surprisingly didn't question the statement.

"Well that's… different." Everyone else nodded in silence and gazed at their only means of leaving the Common Room. Except for Seamus because he was still unconscious in the fireplace but no one seemed to notice. Even Draco had been startled enough to wake up fully and acknowledge the Gryffindors around him. Although… waking up reminded him that he had actually partied with… _this_ lot. The memory made him shudder in repulsion but at the moment he was having more of a spaz attack than a calm interior monologue with himself.

"You mean I'm stuck here?" Draco yelped and dashed over to the portrait, tugging futilely at it. And again… nothing moved or happened. "Where's Crabbe and Goyle when you need 'em?" he muttered angrily and moved back to sulk.

"Maybe we can hex it open?" Ginny suggested and prepared her wand to do so. Hermione immediately snapped Ginny's wand hand down though and shot her a disbelieving look.

"Don't tell me you really think that an Entrance to a Hogwarts Common Room would open because of a spell? Then anyone could get in!" Hermione scolded and shook her head in disappointment at Ginny. A little sheepish, Ginny tucked her wand back into her pocket and blushed ever so slightly.

"Well why don't _you_ think of something to do?" Ginny fired back in a fit of embarrassed fury. Hermione groaned in frustration and flopped onto a couch, looking as if her brain was going through tremendous strain.

"Nothing like this has ever happened! I have nothing to work off of!" she protested, pretending not to notice how all the others watched her eagerly in case she should have a sudden brilliant idea.

"Well what now?" Dean wondered and wandered aimlessly towards the fireplace, finally noticing someone seemed to be huddled in there. When he realized it must be Seamus he backed away because he did NOT want to be the one to wake him up after a night of drinking. He learned this all the way back in Third Year and the lesson still stuck. It was when he whirled around, whistling innocently, that he noticed the book. It was sitting there, thrown in some forgotten corner which made him smirk. The facial expression died though when he noticed something odd.

"Is the book glowing?" Dean asked in bewilderment and dashed over to make sure his eyes were not deceiving him. They were not. As everyone else raced over to where Dean was now standing they could see it for themselves. The book was really glowing.

It sat there in its spot, glowing a faint yellow gleam that grew stronger the closer each of them came to the book. Everyone gasped in shock and Hermione clapped a hand over her mouth. No one dared to move or breathe… the sight was so frightening.

But there was one brave soul left. Neville swallowed back his own cry of fear and approached even closer than the others had dared, causing the book to nearly engulf itself in the yellow light. Neville's eyes widened but did not step away though he trembled in the wake of the pink book that was currently glowing a bright shade of yellow.

"Is it alive?" Harry asked from the very back. He was cowering at the thought of the book. Neville shrugged but never looked away from the book, as if he were in a daze. Hermione rather thought he looked like a deer caught in the headlights.

"Wait, it's saying something!" Luna noted calmly, who was behind Neville a few paces. Her bright blue eyes did brighten however as she too came a little closer to Neville and the Book.

"Luna," Ginny began through gritted teeth, "We don't have time for…" Neville quickly cut off Ginny's sentence.

"No, I can hear it too!" This caused Ginny's skeptical mouth to shut quickly and again she blushed. "It's saying that…" Neville paused and looked around the room as if he were searching for someone. It didn't take long for him to find the pale blonde who was still lurking by the Portrait, eyeing it longingly. Soon though Draco noticed everyone else was staring at him and was startled from his imaginings.

"What?" he snapped with a scowl already writing itself deep into his face. "What are you all bloody staring at?" No one responded… except Neville.

"It's says that it wants Malfoy…" A stunned silence followed as everyone took in the information. Draco just stood stupidly, trying to fathom the fact that Neville just told him that a book _wanted_ him.

"It also says that it wants those dead sexy hands to caress it," Luna added helpfully, causing everyone to wince in pain.

"Well I wasn't going to tell them THAT Luna," Neville cried, scarlet painting itself across his cheeks.

"Well it IS Malfoy's turn to read," Hermione noted as she too moved forward a little closer for inspection. Her keen mind couldn't pass up an opportunity to study something new and strange.

"I thought she was _dead_," Harry said in a monotone, hoping that for the second time that morning his wit outsmarted Hermione's. Hermione looked over at him and shrugged.

"Apparently the story isn't over yet," she explained and jerked her head over at Malfoy. "Get your weasel butt over here," she demanded, not leaving room for argument. As was expected though… Malfoy MADE room for argument.

"No way, the Book of Freakiness is well… freaky," Draco snapped and settled himself down on the floor, glaring pointedly. "A Mudblood like you isn't going to convince me otherwise." Hermione brushed the insult off like a fly and instead turned to look at Malfoy impatiently.

"If you don't do it willingly I'm afraid that I'll have to use force," she warned. Draco just snorted and smirked at her, choosing not to respond to what he thought was a ridiculous statement. Hermione sighed and turned to the twins. "Fred… George… go ahead," she said and turned back to the book in fascination and disgust, prodding it carefully with her wand. Fred grinned and George rubbed his hands together in glee.

"Thank you Hermione," they said in unison and walked briskly to where Draco was seated. Draco raised his wand in warning only to have it knocked out of his hand by a newly awakened Seamus.

"Whas' goin' on?" Seamus asked blearily, shooting a hand out and grasping Draco's wand feebly before dropping it again. Draco yelped and dove after his wand but it was too late. Fred and George were on him like starving, snarling wolves and managed to wrestle him into their grasp (painfully). With this accomplished, the twins were dragging Malfoy across the room while he flailed his legs about uselessly.

"Unhand me you filthy Blood Traitors!" Draco spat and struggled uselessly against the iron grip of the Weasley twins. "You can't make me read that filth again! I can't take it!" George rolled his eyes while he helped Fred lift the resistant blonde into his seat.

"Listen Rat," George snapped, restraining Malfoy against the seat. "The sooner we get this all finished with the sooner you can be on your bloody way to write to Daddy Fearful again, alright?"

"And the sooner we can eat!" Ron added from his spot, rubbing his stomach. "Did any scrap of food make it from last night?" Most ignored Ron though could not deny their own hungry stomachs that were aching painfully. Draco glared as if he wished a painful death on the twins but no longer struggled against them.

"Alright, alright!" he snapped, looking rather downcast and moody. "Get me the book and I'll read a sodding chapter. Satisfied?" Fred nodded curtly and turned to Hermione.

"Is it safe to touch?" he asked solemnly. Hermione glanced up at him but bit her lower lip nervously.

"I think so… it's no more dangerous than it was to begin with I think," she stated tentatively. She started to reach for the book anxiously before Ron slapped it away, appearing out of nowhere.

"Let me do this Hermione, no sense in you doing it," he explained gruffly. Hermione raised her eyebrows in surprise but didn't object nor ask why there was no sense in her doing the task as Ron's own hand reached out and swiped the book up, face twisted into a grimace in case something painful should follow.

Yet again… nothing happened.

"It's safe," he explained before handing it to his brothers. The twins then passed it down gleefully to Draco and settled themselves down on a cushion.

"Everyone else better get comfortable," Draco instructed sulkily as he flipped through the pages with disgust. "Hate for you all to have discomfort while I am put through the most miserable task of my life!" The entire room collectively rolled their eyes, and yes this included Seamus because he was in a much more alert mood, but settled down in a seat. Harry tried his best to hold back the tears of sorrow for his own sanity as Draco cleared his throat to read.

_The entire school was somber as they filed into the Great Hall. The racking sobs of Harry could still be heard throughout the castle and several others joined in as well. Ron and Draco were trying to comfort their friend while crying themselves and even the Rat Faced Wonder and The Dirty One shed a few of their disgusting tears for the loss. _

_The entire school was mourning the passing of Acacya. _

"I have to hand it to her," Draco mused as he paused from reading. "She's rather creative with the cruel names." Hermione glowered but restrained herself from causing any bodily harm. If she was to punch Malfoy's lights out right then he might go unconscious and they would be stuck in the Common Room even longer. But she wasn't happy about her choice. The room did take a chillier atmosphere than before but Draco pretended not to notice.

_Not even the sun dared to shine fully and out of mourning of Acacya it disappeared complete from the Earth. Now all would know that the passing of the most divine creature ever to grace the face of the world had taken place and even those few who did not know the magnificent creature bowed their heads in mourning. The moon also refused to glow in place of the sun and the stars could no longer twinkle merrily. The whole world was bathed in darkness. The birds could not chirp, the crickets could not chirp, the fish could not chirp, and all the world was sad. _

_Back in Hogwarts though, a bright pink funeral service was being held. Someone suggested that it be that icky color black but Harry stood up loyally to the dimwits._

"_If she's dead then she needs to be dead in pink," he tearfully explained before running away in tears once more. _

"That's just ridiculous," Harry complained from his seat.

"Hush Pothead while I finish the chapter," Malfoy growled menacingly.

"What's a Pothead?" someone wondered aloud, causing Harry and Hermione to roll their eyes.

_So instead of dreary, dead black there were drapes of shimmery pink, seats the color of dark magenta, and unicorns dancing along the walls. And on the coffin itself there was a giant field of flowers dancing in the wind. Compared to the bleakness of the rest of the world this was a welcome sight for the weary students. Some hadn't stopped crying since they heard the news. Not once. _

_And then the ceremony proceeded with Dumbledore leading off the speeches. _

"_Acacya, was a very beautiful person. She was kind to all that met her… unless, of course they were skanks," Dumbledore began with a tear in his eye. "She was kind to the animals, she was kind to the House Elves, she was kind to the boys, she was kind to her teachers, and she was kind to the little dust particles that gathers on wood. She was a beautiful woman with long flowing hair and a beautiful body. She was also a beautiful soul. If one could see a soul hers would be radiating a clean, pure light and there would be confetti falling through it, shining brightly." Dumbledore was then too choked up to continue and motioned to some of the others to make their own speeches. Which they did and they spoke of Acacya's beauty, her kindness, her heart, her loving, and everything that there was to say. _

_In the background, the wonderful song "Fergilicious" was playing in the background. _

"Oh, is that the one where the girl is in England?" Hermione asked aloud, distraught. Harry nodded and rolled his eyes.

"It's the perfect song for her," he muttered.

_And then it was Harry's turn. He walked dejectedly to her coffin and stopped just in front of it, not yet facing the audience. He then reached out and touched the cool grass on it, causing a flower to giggle because his hand had poked into it. He smiled through tears at the flower but then turned to face the rest. _

"_Acacya…" he paused and swallowed the knot in his throat. "Acacya was the greatest person I've ever met. She was smart… she was beautiful… she was everything a guy could want." Ron nodded in the audience and raised his fist. _

"_Amen," he whispered but Harry still heard it and smiled at his friend. _

"_But what some don't know… is that she had a heart of gold even after her horrendous past." Harry had figured it would be okay to talk about it now… now that Acacya was gone. "I used to hear her crying out in her sleep, begging for someone to help her. To not make her clean her room or take out the garbage or study for her math test. And it used to just break my heart… break it right in two." The entire audience gasped and some cried even harder into their handkerchiefs. "And what not all of you know is… how much I loved her." Harry's voice trailed away and he stared off into the abyss. _

"_I loved her too much some said but I loved her all the same. She was my second half, my heart, my blood, my air, my liver… and now she's gone. And I'm missing some of the body parts that are essential for life."_ ("That's repulsive!" Ginny screeched.)_ Harry took another pause before continuing on though tears were swimming before his eyes. "And the world may never shine again with her gone… the sun may never return, the moon might never come back, the birds may never sing their sweet song, the fish may never be able to sing THEIR sweet song, and there may be no more stars… or sunrises… for two lovers to gaze upon and know that their own beauty matched those of the natural wonders." Harry was trembling now and had to turn his face away in shame. "And I'm not afraid to cry about it," he whispered and turned to face the audience, tears streaming down his face. _

"I never knew you were a poet!" Ron teased and shoved Harry's shoulder. Harry chuckled halfheartedly but stared down at the ground.

"I'm going to have to skip over this," Draco muttered. Even if he couldn't bring himself to read the passage and bring horror to those he despised, he could at least make them cringe at the thought of what had to be skipped.

_Harry stared into the sobbing audience and began to take his seat again, eyes still pouring down his cheeks. _

_And that was the day that Harry died… he died emotionally. _

"End of chapter," Draco snapped and closed the book loudly with a pained smirk. "Thank Merlin," he added under his breath so none could hear him. He then retreated to the back of the room and glowered at the rest of them.

**A/N: Alrighty, so not as much of PrettySprinklesSparklesRainbow's story but a lengthy chapter nonetheless. Please review!!**


	19. A Horrible Case of Deja Vu

**A/N: So I'm back, after an extended vacation. Yeah, most of what I've been writing are oneshots and I've had a crazy last couple months… so I'm trying to make up for that. So I'm really sorry about the lack of updates. Anyhow, here's the new chapter!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter. Alas.**

"Someone else needs to read," Draco snarled and dropped the book (without much care) to the floor and gave it a satisfied smirk.

"Well, who's next Hermione?" Ron asked and turned to look at Hermione questioningly. Hermione sighed and began to count inside her head… trying to figure out whose turn it should be.

"It's Harry's turn… again," she muttered. "Which is perfect since I think it's written in Harry's POV again anyway," she grinned as an afterthought. "Who else is going to narrate?"

Harry scowled.

"That's so unfair!" he moaned but went to do his duty anyway. He would never see a Quidditch Pitch again if he didn't do this. "What page are we on? Draco closed it," Harry said and shot a look at Draco who simply stared back blankly.

"212," Draco finally responded, looking a little sulky.

"Thanks," Harry replied stiffly and flipped through the pages until he could find the proper page, marked with pretty hearts surrounding the numbers. "I'll start now."

_HARRY'S POV!!!!!!! OHMIGOSH!!!_

_I wandered down the hallways... contemplating my miserable, worthless life. Without Acacya I was nothing but an empty shell. A poor excuse for a living being. A flower without sunlight. An ocean without waves. A tree without branches or a hill without grass. I was a bird without a song. A psycho without a knife. A teacher without a dry sense of humor. A Ronaldo without a Juliet. A world without air. _

"Did she mean Romeo?" Hermione asked suddenly, looking disgusted but curious.

"I think so," Harry retorted in a professional manner before turning his eyes back to the paper. Everyone else just ignored the exchange because they accepted by now that Harry and Hermione were talking about something Muggle.

_I was Spring without Spring Vacation. I was high school without drugs. I was an eye without eye candy. I was a shoe without shoelaces. A wall without a poster of Johnny Depp. A T.V. show without a hott guy. _

_In short… I am now a soulless, heartless, bodiless, mindless, grieving machine. _

_I couldn't even look at another girl without bursting into tears. They all reminded me of how much uglier they were compared to Acacya. Nothing could fill the beautifully empty hole that is now my heart. I am empty. _

"_Hey bud," Ron called from the usual Gryffindor table but I couldn't hear him. All I could think about was how Acacya used to eat an peeled olive and spring water for breakfast and I immediately lost all appetite. _

_Food had lost all taste. Water turned sour and wilted into dust in my mouth. The only thing that went down was rum. And not only this… but I've taken to stabbing myself with safety pins every chance I got. _

"That's got to be effective," Fred noted sarcastically.

_Now I can play "Connect-The-Dots" on my fingers any time I want. If I had the energy too that is. _

_It is true, life no longer has any meaning. _

"_Come on Harry, come eat some bacon with us!" Draco urged, looking sad. I just sighed and turned away, once more feeling my heart wither in despair. _

"_No," I snarled and stalked away. Apparently, Draco and Ron had enough of my behavior. They caught up to me and spun me around as hard as they could. _

"_Now listen Harry," Ron barked. "Acacya died protecting you. Doesn't that mean anything?" I felt as though Ron had punched me in the face. _

"_Of course it does," I whispered. "It means everything to me. Whenever I close my eyes I can see her diving in front of that red jet of light. I can see her fade away in my very arms… the arms that failed to protect her. I can feel her body go limp in my arms. I remember the last words she said to me." _

_Ron then slapped me across the face… hard. Draco promptly smacked the other side as well. _

"_Then wake up man!" Ron growled. "She died so that the rest of us could live!" _

"Ron!" Ginny gasped and punched her brother in the arm. "I never knew you had such a flair for the dramatics!" Ron glared at her and ignored the jeers of the others pointedly.

"_Leave me alone," I whimpered and tried to escape the scathing looks of my two best friends in the whole world. "I don't want to talk about this." Ron's expression softened. _

"_Look, don't cry buddy," he whispered, taking in my screwed up face and my watering eyes. "I shouldn't have hit you so hard." _

"_Yeah… well… just leave me alone!" I managed to choke out before escaping them, my shoulders shaking in silent sobs. _(Draco mimicked a crying baby but stopped when Harry glanced at him over the book.) _What was I doing? _

_At this moment I decided that in honor of Acacya's favorite person, Britney Spears, I was going to save the Wizarding World. No more moping. No more watery eyes. _

_I was going to make this work. Even if it means admitting that Vanilla Ice is my idol. Nothing was going to keep me from moving on. _

_Even though it meant that I would have to press forward as an empty shell. I had to move on even though I was a robe without slippers. A Mozart without a Romeo. So before I could move forward… I had to remember all the good times that Acacya and I had together. _

"Oh bloody hell," Ron moaned, earning a slap from Hermione. "Hey! I'm just expressing my distress!" he explained but still had to shrink away from Hermione's withering gaze.

"Language," was all she hissed before shooting a glance at Harry. "Can you make it?" she wondered with concern.

Harry put on a brave face… though it ended up looking like it was more of a grimace.

"Sure, I'll be fine," he muttered. "Though it would be easier if this book didn't vibrate so hard when I touch it."

_Harry could remember when Acacya first stole his heart… she was covered in whipped cream and she was doing…_

"Whoa!" Harry yelped and threw his glasses away from his face. "Thank Merlin for my horrendous eyesight!" He then began to flip through the pages until his heart told him that the memory was over.

"Here are your glasses Harry," Ginny said kindly and handed them over. They had landed on her lap.

"Thanks," Harry grinned and tried his best to laugh at himself. "I guess I'll start again then."

_Then there was the time when she transformed Snape into Sevvy… a sex machine! She had been so happy helping Sevvy redecorate the dungeons and Harry almost could have not loved her more than in that moment. _

_But then she threw that fantastic concert… something that has yet to be surpassed by any other Hogwarts student. _

"Yeah," Hermione snorted, "Because Albus Dumbledore wasn't a great wizard or student or anything. Dreadfully dull that boy was. Acacya's totally wicked concert was way cooler than any of Dumbledore's discoveries." Ron sniggered and several other students chuckled at Hermione's sarcasm.

Hermione suddenly beamed, not realizing she could be so funny.

"And what about…" she began again but George cut her off.

"Hermione, you can be a funny girl but we don't want a history lesson," he explained in a kindly voice. Hermione huffed a little but remained quiet.

_When she came onto the stage in her outfit… the pink sparkles shimmering brilliantly and complimenting her dazzling smile so nicely. Her voice was like heaven itself and not even the birds could have competed with her tone. Her legs were long underneath that skirt and the platform shoes did nothing to hinder her appearance. She was everything I could have wanted and everything I ever needed that night. She was just so beautiful and stunning and really really good looking and lovely and foxy and groovy and fiiiiIIIInnneeee that I had no other thoughts but those of hers. _

"Have we entered a time warp?" Draco asked from the back of the room, "Or were the words "foxy" and "fiiiiiIIIIInnnneeee" just used?"

Everyone just stared at him.

"Don't do that again," Hermione instructed, trying to hold back laughter.

Draco sulked.

_I knew that I would have to move on but I knew that I would never look at another the way I looked at her. Sure, there may be other really hott girls in my life but none will be as sexy as Acacya was. _

"Well we know you don't love her for her mind," Ginny noted dryly.

"I'm such a pig!" Harry exclaimed, shaking his head sadly.

"Tell us something we don't know Potter," Draco smirked.

_And I knew that I would have to continue on in the war without her. _

_But I couldn't help but remember the Prophecy and mentally cursed my slow moving actions. Acacya should have been the one to live and I the one to die. I will never be able to forgive myself. _

_So I swear, the on the life of puppies everywhere, that I will find Acacya's killer if it's the last thing I do. He will be brutally shot, stabbed, drowned, and set on fire by the time I am through. _

"Gee, I couldn't just Avada Kedavra him apparently," Harry drawled. "I have to do everything the hard way."

_With these thoughts I knew that I would have to go on _("Yes! We bloody got that already!") _with my life and save the Wizarding World. _

_So long Acacya. I love your rocking body forever and ever. _

**A/N: So… kinda short but I'm a bit of a block with this one. It's taking too long to get to where I want to be! (pouts) Anyway, please review!**


	20. Panic Attacks and Something Bad

**A/N: To make up for my inconsistent updates, I'm updating again right away!! I got some inspiration again because I reread "Never Leave Fanfiction Lying Around" which was the initial inspiration for this fic. So, yay! **

**And I'll stop rambling now and just say that this chapter might make many of you very angry with me. **

**Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter or any of his little friends.**

"Ginny," Hermione chirped. "You're up!"

Ginny scowled deeply at her so-called friend but went to take the book from Harry anyway.

"It shouldn't be so bad. Just more of me moping or something," Harry said encouragingly and gave her a grimace of a smile. Ginny grimaced back and took her seat.

"Here goes…" she muttered and took a calming breath.

"Wait," someone called out and Ginny silently blessed Merlin for small favors. "Is she really dead?" Dean asked, eyes shifting around the room. Hermione frowned as if she were working something incredibly difficult out in her brain.

"It would seem so. We've gone two chapters without her presence and one would think that would be the end of it…" Hermione began to explain before the twins shushed her once more.

"Just get reading Ginny," George insisted while Fred clamped a hand over Hermione's mouth, grimacing.

Ginny's only response was to take another cleansing breath and started.

_It was dark and it was cold. _

"That's actually a decent beginning," Seamus noted.

_Acacya's body was floating in nothingness… feeling as though she should do nothing but just lie there in the cold and the dark. _

"Never mind. Acacya's name was in that sentence," Seamus sighed, and allowed his hopes to sink.

_Her mind screamed to be released but her body was so relaxed… she was rid of all pain. The cold soothed all of her aches and the dark hid her past from her. It also hid the cruel words she had said to her lover, Harry, just before she died. _

_And in the dark, she waited. _

The room was deathly silent. Harry's face seemed to be made of stone as he stared straight ahead but his body was curling. It curled until his knees were against his chin and his breath came in short, shallow gasps.

"I think he's hyperventilating," Ron gasped and stared in horror.

"Someone get him a paper bag!" Neville cried and instantly one was conjured. The bag was passed to Harry Potter and he grabbed it, never changing expression, and began to breath in and out through it. Finally, his dilated pupils returned to their normal size and his breath came easily again.

"Sorry," he breathed and pulled the bag away from his lips. "Panic attack."

"Can I continue?" Ginny asked and one would have thought she was being kind. That was until you took a closer look and saw that one of her eyes had a faint tick and that her smile was a little _too_ wide.

Which brings us to the state of our readers so far. Most were permanently pale or a faint color of green and more than one of them had their eyes shifting across the room continuously. All were haggard looking and they did not look healthy but instead looked sickly and tired.

Harry was constantly twitching and sometimes without realizing it he would swat at something that wasn't even there. It was almost as if he could actually _feel _Acacya's hands on him or feel her whispering in his ear. In short, he was a nervous wreck and couldn't tolerate any noise over a whisper.

Ron was calmer than he usually was, which is a warning sign in itself, but his ears were always red. You would think that someone had dipped them into hot water every hour or so but, as we know, this is not the case.

Hermione's eyes were always watery as if she was expecting to burst into tears. Her fingers also were always resting on the cover of Hogwarts: A History in case she needed to find proof that whatever _PrettySprinklesSparklesRainbow_has just written is undeniably absurd. It's a habit that she will never quite grow out of. Not to mention she swore every other word now.

Draco's face seemed more pinched than it usually does and his hair has fallen out of place due to his aggravation towards the story. The bleach in his hair didn't quite sparkle like it used to and if you looked close enough you could see the outlines of bags underneath his malicious gray eyes.

Ginny had gone undeniably crazy because of her jealousy towards Harry's escapades with Acacya. Even though she knew that it was all fake and that Harry had no feelings towards the cretin she couldn't help but go a little berserk every time Acacya made an innuendo towards him. She was mad with jealousy.

Neville always looked ashamed and everyone knew that his innocence was forever shattered. Never again would he be able to experience anything romantic for it will always remind him of his horrible first encounters with a skank. Luna also never quite seemed dreamy anymore and for brief moments she was actually _grounded_.

Dean and Seamus were always solemn and Seamus had nearly drunk himself into a coma the other night. Granted, Seamus was always a bit of a drinker but he usually worked himself up to something like that. But last night he had downed nearly a whole bottle of firewhiskey once the death of Acacya seemed clear.

Fred and George were not quite as affected as the other students because of the short amount of time they had been there but they could feel its power taking a hold of them. While at first they thought the book to be jolly good fun they began to not take so much joy in taking notes on the story and began to dread each turn of the page.

So this is why Ginny's smile was so cracked and this is why Harry let out a small giggle before nodding that Ginny should continue reading. They were all quietly going insane.

"From the top then?" Ginny asked and her smile grew even more.

_Fred Weasley (the dead sexy twin) was wandering down a strange corridor. _

"Why the bloody hell do I have to be dragged into this?" Fred moaned and his face into his hands.

"Well if you're drug into it then I am too," George pointed out. "She must think we're both," he shuddered, "Dead sexy if she mentioned that you are." Fred shrugged.

"Still… I thought we would be safe since we don't even attend at this point!"

"No one said that she was well researched. Now please shut it," Hermione replied snippily.

_He knew not where it went or where it was going _("Redundant much?") _but he knew that it must lead somewhere important. _("I'm so flattered that she makes me so incredibly bright… someone gag me now please.") _He tossed his silky locks and pondered his situation very carefully. He did not fear death but he did fear spiders. _("Wrong Weasley, please try again!" "Would you shut UP Fred!") _Something inside of him told him that he would encounter spiders while going down this corridor but something also told him that he would have to press on regardless. _

_And he trusted himself more than he trusted anyone else. _

"I'm so glad that you trust me. Since, you know, I'm you're better half," George said cheekily towards Fred. Fred also sniggered and rolled his eyes.

_So he pressed onwards down the creepy tower _("Doesn't she mean corridor?' Neville wondered) _even though he was positively shaking in fear. And who wouldn't be shaking? There are some serious spiders down this corridor! And Fred didn't even manage to bring his nightlight! _("FREDDIKINS HAS A NIGHTLIIIIIIGHT!!!!") _Lyke, OMG!!!111!!! _("Guys, what does OMG mean?")

_Anyway, Fred finally made it do the end of the dark, creepy, spider filled place and he saw an even smaller passageway. He crawled down it, heart pounding like the sound of two skulls being cracked together. _("How quaint," Hermione chirped.) _It terrified him but he still continued on. On and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on…_

"Ugh," Ginny scowled, "She does this for two more pages!" Everyone else simultaneously groaned.

"Does this girl have ANY common sense?" Draco snapped, feeling rather sulky.

"Are you really asking that question?" Ginny snarled, obviously annoyed. "I seriously hope not!" Draco shrank back the slightest bit.

Neville leaned in towards Dean.

"She really scares me you know," he whispered, hoping to Merlin that Ginny couldn't hear him. Dean sighed sadly.

"I know mate… I know," he agreed.

"AHEM!" Ginny cleared her throat loudly and began to read again.

_Until suddenly he saw a clear, bright light. The light was shaped like an orb and it was revolving… basking him the purest, cleanest glow that Fred had even seen. _

"_Welcome, Fred Weasley," a cool female voice said, welcoming him warmly. "You have found her." Fred was very confused. _

"_Who did I find?" he wondered. The voice laughed before explaining. _

"_You found _her_," it said again. Fred was still very confused but he looked sexy that way so it was okay. _

"_But who is she?" he asked again. The voice did not answer his question but continued on about something else. _

"_You must take her to the Chosen One where she will be reunited with the greatest love the world has ever seen. She has been saved because of you," the voice said and then was gone. _("How would Fred know if a disembodied voice was gone or not?")

_And then, to Fred's total surprise, a beautiful figure walked towards him and beamed. _

"_No, it can't be!" Fred cried and he began to cry tears of joy. For walking towards him, straight from the dead, was none other than Acacya Moonbeam. _

"AAAAH!!!!" Harry screamed and felt his body go back into panic mode. His breath was once more shallow and the tears didn't help any.

"Oh… my… bloody…Merlin!" Hermione screeched and Ron proceeded to yell at her for swearing.

Ginny just laughed insanely and tried her best not to fall off the chair.

Draco began to twitch violently and once more we can see his eyes rolling back into his head, causing Seamus to holler for an exorcist. Dean was nearly ripping his hair out because of the noise overload in the Common Room.

Fred and George were writing so much that the quill tore through the paper and yet they kept writing because they didn't even notice.

Neville was running around trying to calm everyone down but was very unsuccessful.

"She has a last name," Luna noted quietly to herself but only managed to cause more screams and more commotion.

Ginny then reached out and began to scream out the next paragraph in her moment of insanity.

_Acacya looked at Fred and she beamed, nodding at him._

"_And I am oh so hungry Fred… come to me!" she exclaimed, holding her arms out with lust in her eyes. "Harry will understand!" she declared. _

_And Fred ran to her and…_

But apparently the next scene was enough to knock some sense into Ginny because she stopped reading and instead began to scream… very loudly.

The tender balance between sanity and insanity was long gone.

**A/N: Just when I started to get some peace around here… (forlorn sigh)**

**Acacya: (giggle) I'm baaaaaack!**

**Angel: Yeah, stop rubbing it in. **

**Acacya: Now we can have our nightly watching of 'Tomorrow's Other Future Children" and "Days of Other People's Lives"!**

**Angel: You mean you trying me down and brainwashing me?**

**Acacya: You could call it that. (twitter)**

**Angel: Ugh… anyway folks, I'll be gone again for about a week or so but I'll try and update as soon as I can. I promise I won't wait too long to update. Please review! Toodles! **

_**A SPECIAL PREVIEW OF THE NEXT CHAPTER!: **_

Harry and Fred sat awkwardly across from each other, not daring to meet the other's eyes. Finally, Fred tried to say something.

"Harry…"

"You're dead to me," Harry snarled and turned away.


	21. Of Chocolate Cures and Werewolves

**You guys are awesome. I have a story with 201 reviews… it makes me so happy! (cough) Not that it really matters how many reviews you have… it's not a contest or anything… but WOW! 201 Reviews!!!!! **

_**201 Reviews!?!?! Are you all kidding me!?!?! **_

**Oh what's that? You want this author's note to be over with so you can read the story? Sorry… I'll get on that. **

**Disclaimers: I don't own Harry Potter. **

The room was in utter chaos. The students were either causing some harm to each other, themselves, or the decorations in the Common Room itself.

And in the case of Harry and Fred… well… there was a smack down taking place.

"How could you do this to me!?" Harry wailed as he clung to Fred's heels after tackling him to the ground. "I thought that we were FRIENDS Fred!!! Why would you bring her back!?!?!" Fred thrashed against Harry's hold and for the first time in a long time… Fred feared for his very life. Harry seemed like he would actually kill him.

"Get _off_ you Sue-loving midget-like freak!!" Fred screamed and tried desperately to kick at Harry's face so he would let go. Harry just continued to cry and shout profanities at Fred, something that increased in volume when Fred managed to snap Harry's glasses in half.

"Fred stop hurting him!" Ginny screeched but found that she was incapable of rising from her chair. She was immobile but she sure as hell wasn't happy about it. "Leave him alone you bloody, sodding, idiot!!"

Meanwhile, in the corner, Draco was sitting by himself and watching the chaos with wild eyes.

"She's coming to get us… nothing can stop her…" he muttered, eyes roaming all around the room. "She's going to kill us… or rape us… or murder us… or turn us into some _freak_!" Draco laughed manically for a moment before continuing on. "We will all pay… yes… we will all pay…"

Ron was sitting in the ground in the middle of the room lethargically while Hermione spat curses at him. She screamed and swore upon his grandmother's name and yet he still did nothing. Ron just sat there… looking paler than a ghost. Hermione gave a scream of annoyance and grabbed the nearest book and _tore out the pages_.

"I will never read again!" she vowed, "Never! Never! Never!!!!!" The pages that she tore out she crumpled and shredded until they weren't legible anymore. In fact, Hermione always wondered about that papery taste left over from her mouth hours after the incident. She had blocked the image of her eating and chewing the pages from her brain.

And in another part of the room, Dean, Seamus, and George were all holding a little Book Club.

"I really think that Acacya has the best intentions at heart," Seamus said seriously while Dean rolled his eyes. "She obviously loves Harry very much and will do anything to make sure that she will be with him forever."

"Well it's _obvious_ that she's just using Harry to get the fame," Dean snapped as if it were a fact. "Once she gets what she wants she'll leave him alone and empty handed. She's just a good-for-nothing boyfriend leaver!"

"Well I think both you blokes are wrong," George said, reading over his notes carefully. "If what I wrote here is true then Acacya's parents are really aliens and they'll soon be wanting her to come home. Harry will be heartbroken and will have to make a choice. Save the Wizarding World? Or be with Acacya in an eternal space romance?"

All three boys were quiet.

"You're right George," Seamus agreed and Dean nodded his head in approval.

Neville and Luna sat quietly on a couch playing a game of Wizard Chess, frowning in concentration. Luna was having some trouble though.

"Do you mind?" she snapped at all the others, looking irritated. "I'm trying to play a game here but I can't bloody concentrate if all you are screaming and trying to kill each other!"

Neville, however, was having troubles of his own.

"That Queen's dress is too low cut," he complained. "She needs to cover up before someone thinks that she is a hooker!"

So yes… things were not going well at all in the Gryffindor Common Room.

Suddenly though, there came the heavy footsteps of someone entering the room. Everyone froze in the middle of their actions, hardly daring to hope that it wasn't Acacya coming down to greet them.

The footsteps came closer… and closer… and they were louder… and louder. Draco was reaching nervously for a fire poker, eyes gleaming insanely.

And suddenly…

Remus J. Lupin loudly entered the room in wide-eyed terror.

"What's going on? I could hear you all from the Boy's Dorms!" Everyone gaped at him… not believing what they just witnessed.

"Remus!" Harry cried, finally abandoning Fred and running straight into his friend's arms. "I'm so glad you're here! I need you to kill Fred!" Remus's expression was shocked as he stared at the damage done to the room.

"Kill Fred? What's going on?" he asked again. Everyone stared at him in silence before they all began to talk at once.

"Ron and Harry found this book…"

"…Has some sort of wicked spell on it…"

"…Acacya is her name…"

"…Mary-Sue author named _PrettySprinklesSparklesRainbow_…"

"…Woman is nuttier than squirrel poo…"

"…Insults everyone in it but herself and the men…"

"…She thinks I'm _sexy_…"

"…Concert at Hogwarts…"

"…Shimmy…"

"…Leather dresses…"

"…Can't die…"

"…FRED BROUGHT HER BACK…"

"…Sevvy and Minnie…"

"…She's going to come here and _kill _us…"

"…Wants to have my children…"

"…My poor virgin eyes…"

"ENOUGH!" Remus shouted over the commotion and the children all immediately quieted down, willing to listen to their friend Remus. "What you all need…" Remus looked at all of them and nodded to himself, "Is chocolate. Lots and lots of chocolate…"

And he immediately reached into his coat pocket and pulled five large bars of chocolate. Once the wrapping was peeled off he distributed squares to each of them evenly (though he admittedly gave a little more to Ginny and Hermione and Luna. They seemed like they could use a little extra dosage.) and insisted that they eat every last bite.

Despite their initial skepticism the students began to realize that the chocolate actually worked. It filled them up with happiness and good feelings so that they regained some of their mental stability. With each bite they regained their normal feelings.

Though Harry was still really mad at Fred but that wasn't entirely fueled by the mental breakdown…

"Now, can someone PLEASE explain to me, _calmly_, what is going on here?" Remus asked and Hermione slowly raised her hand. Remus sighed. "Hermione, I'm not a teacher anymore. You don't have to raise your hand." Though what Remus found annoying everyone else found as a relief. She was back to being a know-it-all and that suited them just fine.

"Well… we were in the Forbidden Section…" Hermione stopped and blushed, looking guilty. "And Ron and Harry found this book. I _tried _to warn them the powers of Mary-Sues but they just wouldn't listen!"

"A Mary-Sue?" Remus asked, looking intrigued.

"A girl character made up by the authoress that is entirely indestructible, perfect, powerful, and holds a seductive power over all she meets," Ron quoted. "I looked it up." Hermione raised her eyebrows but continued on.

"So I challenged them to read it out loud, which we did, and somehow Malfoy got here," Hermione explained, motioning to the room full of students. "And it's driven us all insane… basically."

"But… it's just a story, isn't it?" Remus said, glancing at all the children's distraught faces.

"Oh," Hermione cried and flushed a little more at her silliness. "I forgot to mention that when we woke up this morning the book was glowing, talking to Neville and Luna, and refusing to let us out of the Common Room until we finish the story."

"Well that changes things," Remus agreed. "Will the Fat Lady not let you out?" Everyone shook their heads.

Silence.

"How… um… how did you get here?" Ginny finally asked. Remus looked over her and smiled in an apologetic way.

"Well, I tried to contact you last night Harry," Remus said, now looking over at Harry. "Molly wanted me to tell Ron that he needed to send his socks to her for cleaning last night if he wanted them done." Ron blushed noticeably. "But I couldn't get through! I was worried so I… erm…" Remus looked a little embarrassed now. "I flew over here to see what was going on."

"Overprotective much?" Harry wondered, rolling his eyes a little. Remus glared at Harry but continued with his explanation.

"But your Common Room wouldn't open so I flew over to one of the dormitories," Remus said, now radiating embarrassment. "And I jumped through an open window." The student reaction was nothing but enthusiastic.

"That means you can get us out of here!" Ron cried in triumph and grinned from ear-to-ear. The other students all exclaimed similar sentiments and began to all run up to the Boy's Dormitory in hopes of seeing a broomstick hovering by the window, waiting for them.

"I wish I could say that was the case," Lupin began calmly, stopping everyone in their tracks. "But unfortunately I had a little trouble and the broom crashed into the wall right before I managed to get in," he said regretfully. All the students stood quietly in disappointment before they all looked at one another.

"Acacya," they said in unison, blaming her for the broom crash.

"What?" Lupin asked, looking bewildered.

"It's all Acacya's fault," Seamus declared. "I don't know about you all but I think that she's becoming more real every minute and she's the one keeping us here." A day ago every one of them would have denied this and wrote Seamus off as being drunk again. But now things were different.

"She's fictional!" Lupin insisted, shaking his head. "Someone else has to be behind your Portrait hole not being able to open. Maybe some pranking Slytherins?"

Draco shook his head. "I would have known about it," he muttered.

"Unless maybe you trapped yourself in too just to throw us of!" George snarled, reaching for his wand. "And planted this demon book that you really wrote yourself to drive us insane! It would be one elaborate prank but you're evil enough to do it!" Malfoy sneered and his fingers twitched for his own wand.

"Or maybe the Fat Lady is just so _stupid_ that she forgot how to open herself," he hissed in response, eyes flashing.

"Hey!" Ron bellowed, just as hot-tempered at his brothers, "Don't you insult our Common Room entrance!"

"I can insult whatever I want Weasel!" Malfoy declared. "What are you going to do about it? Give me ugly freckles like you've got?"

"I say we exterminate this ferret," Fred suggested, raising his own wand higher. "He's a pest."

"Hey, hey, hey!" Lupin shouted, stepping between the angry Gryffindors and the lone Slytherin. "Settle down! You can't turn on each other when we're all trapped in this Common Room!"

There came a long, tense pause in which all students involved in the brawl stared intimidatingly at each other. The seconds were dragging into minutes until someone finally lowered his wand.

"Fine," George agreed, putting his wand away. "You're right Remus. But I'm not happy about it." After seeing that that all other opposing wands had been put away, Draco also stuffed his own in his pocket.

"Now, what is it that scares all of you so much?" Remus asked, looking a little amused now that the threat of the students killing each other was gone.

"You don't get it?" Ginny asked despairingly.

"Well, since you're stuck in here anyway," Harry said, motioning to the chair, "Why don't you read next?" Remus studied the son of his best friend before shaking his head in bewilderment.

"Why would you want to keep reading something that reduced you all to sobbing, screaming messes on the floor?" he asked.

"Just indulge our superstition, okay?" Harry pleaded. "We think that if we finish it we can get out of here. So please… help us." Harry _knew_ the guilt trip would work. Remus would do almost anything for him now.

And sure enough, Remus's face broke into an indulgent smile and he nodded agreeably.

"Alright. One chapter, just to prove to you all how you are seriously overreacting about this," Remus said and the other students exchanged glances. They were all just glad that they got to stall even longer before reading a chapter themselves. "Where is the thing?"

"Over on the chair still," Ginny replied meekly, remembering throwing it on the chair in a fit of insanity. Remus nodded and walked over confidently. He then picked up the book and held it up in amusement.

"Well… isn't she the little artist!" he exclaimed and let out a quiet laugh at the decorations littering the book. "Did she throw up pink all over it?" Hermione squealed a little in protest of his crude description. "So sorry Miss Granger," Remus apologized respectfully, a smile tugging at his lips.

"Let's just get on with it," Draco snapped and Remus gave him a teacher look. Draco had enough sense to respect it and kept quiet for a while.

"Ridiculous," Remus muttered but flipped the book open. "This should be enlightening."

**A/N: A little short but I wanted to create SOME kind of suspense. And sorry if the addition of Remus is random but I wanted someone new to write for. And plus, I :heart: Remus. :glares: at J.K. Rowling: **

**And I know that the scene I posted last chapter wasn't in here. I'm sorry… I wasn't able to make it work with the way this chapter turned out. I did have them interact though and maybe I can slip it in in the next chapter or something. It was really more of a teaser anyway. ;D **

**And I don't own the phrase "nuttier than squirrel poo". All of us who read the 7****th**** book know this belongs to J.K. **

**Anyway, please review! **


	22. And the Plot Thickens

**A/N: I'm back! But alas, so is more of Acacya's story. Hopefully Remus has more chocolate than what he gave to the kiddies. He's going to need it. **

**Disclaimer: Don't own it. **

_Acacya and Fred threw themselves into a nearby broom closet for several hours. _

_Several hours. _

Remus stopped and stared down at the paper. He stared at it for a good five minutes before someone finally broke the silence.

"Something wrong?" Luna asked, her eyes now unfocused and dreamy again. Remus jumped and looked around him, frowning.

"Oh, sorry. I was just trying to figure out if I was dreaming or not." Remus sighed and looked over at all the tired and haggard young faces before him. "I was wrong."

_When they finally emerged Acacya looked pleased and Fred looked star struck, hardly believing his good fortune. _

"_You're amazing," he stuttered and Acacya just laughed. _

"_Thank you," she said graciously. "Now, take me to Harry!" Fred willingly agreed, despite his new feelings of jealousy. Men just couldn't help but fall with her but she could only have eternal affection for Harry. Not that she didn't love all men. They were all amazing. _

"This just degrading towards women," Remus snarled, looking faintly sick.

"I would use the word 'insult', 'disgrace', or 'horrific example'," Ginny agreed, eyes blazing again.

_So Fred, now feeling better about walking through the dark tunnel because he had Acacya and she now radiated a bright, white, sparkling, pink light and it made it easy to see. And now he saw that the tunnel wasn't scary at all but plated with gold and silver and had a plush walk way. _

"I highly doubt that there would be a tunnel like this in Hogwarts," Hermione noted dryly, not trying to get worked up about it. Everyone could see her flushed cheeks though and didn't comment further towards her.

"I wonder if she thinks she's in Beauxabatons?" Dean wondered.

"Please, Fleur would have mentioned something like this to us," Ginny snapped and rolled her eyes. "Why my idiot brother would choose someone like _her_…" Remus frowned.

"Fleur is a very nice young lady," he protested. Ginny just gave him a withering glare.

"You apparently haven't endured her talking for an hour about the improbability that Mr. Crouch probably isn't dead. The girl has a few screws loose," Ginny explained, a snarl creeping into her voice. "Not to mention the way she criticizes Mum's cooking." Remus shut his mouth. A werewolf knew when to fight and when not to.

Harry just sat quietly in a back corner, hoping that maybe Remus would forget to keep reading. Sure, he _thought _he could handle hearing about the return of Acacya but with each moment of suspense leading up to Acacya finding fictional Harry again, the real Harry began to panic.

Unfortunately, Remus carried on with the chapter.

_Fred never noticed how beautiful Acacya's hair looked in a shimmering white/pink light radiating beautifully from her skin. It seemed to float, as if she hadn't quite joined the living yet. Her wide eyes seemed calm but expectant and it seemed that she winked at him every few steps. _

"Is that a fancy way of saying she has a twitch?" Neville wondered.

_Her red lips never shone quite so brilliantly _("I bet that means that they are chapped and sore.") _and her skin was soft and pale _("Dying tends to do that to you.") _but not too pale. _("I bet it's pasty." "Ginny, please stop the commentary.") _Fred was in total awe of this magnificent and noticed that her feet hardly touched the ground. _

"_Are you an angel?" Fred wondered hesitantly out loud. Acacya looked back at him and smiled a sweet smile. _

"_Like, I was ALWAYS an Angel!!11!!!eleven!" she replied with a giggle. _

"_Oh yes," Fred agreed and laughed with her at his own stupidity. A pleasant silence hovered over the tow. _

"The tow?" Ron wondered, wishing he knew what this phrase meant. Hermione laughed hollowly.

"I think she means 'two'. Most Muggles use that phrase in reference to taking a car away or carrying something around that's heavy." Ron looked puzzled, trying to wrap his mind around the new phrase.

"It's not like she was ever a good speller," Dean pointed out.

"Oh, she can't be that bad," Remus insisted.

_Adn theeen Ferd and Acacya wlkd 2 teh dor and wlked to teh Grate Hull and loked fro Harry! _

"She never fails to meet expectations," Ginny said with what would be a fondness… if there wasn't such a sarcastic drip to her voice of course.

"Actually, her spelling just comes and goes," Neville said thoughtfully from his seat. "It's like she just sometimes is too lazy to even bother but other times she can't help but spell things right."

Everyone was quiet for a time.

"We have to finish this book, and quick," Hermione hissed. "We're paying too much attention to it."

_The 2 lookd and lookd but the just couldn't find Harry. Acacya suddenly wanted to creye. Where was Harry? Didn't he luv her any more? She felt so hopeless and lost that she began to cry. _

Remus was suddenly shaking his head, rolling his eyes in annoyance.

"She spelt cry wrong the first time and then the second time she spelled it right," he complained and rolled his eyes again.

"Told you," Neville shouted.

"_Harry!" she shouted, her beautiful voice carrying through the halls. "Where art though Harry?" Fred tried to comfort her but found that she would not be pleased w/o Harry. So he too called for Harry, hoping that he would never have to see Acacya cry evr again. _

"Have you noticed that she's whinier since she came back?" Seamus pointed out.

"Maybe every time she dies she becomes worse of a Mary-Sue," Ron agreed.

"It almost makes me not want to see her die again," George said, twitching a little. "Though, no matter the cost, watching her die was the greatest experience of my life."

"That's a little frightening, George," his twin said from the seat next to George, scooting away.

_Acacya was wild with fear. She thought that something hppnd to her Harry and that he was ded. She ran through the hallways, screaming his name. Her soft white dress billowed all the way down to her thighs as she ran but her hair never fell out of place. Students creyed when they saw her in hallway, thanking the gods that she was alive, but Acacya culd barely stop to sign autographs for them. She had to find Harry!!_

"For Merlin's sake Harry!" Fred teased. "Can't you just put the poor woman out of her badly-written misery?" Harry scowled and shook his head.

"If I had it my way, fictional Harry would be up in his lavatory drowning himself because he was so depressed that Acacya was really alive."

Remus calmly, undisturbed by Harry's words, and quickly pulled out a small bar of chocolate and handed it carefully towards Harry. Harry snatched it eagerly and attacked it, daring anyone to try and take it from him.

_And then, he was there. It seemed that he was going to a class bcuz he had his magazines out and ready for History of Movies. But he saw her and all time stopped. Terz filled behind his baby blue eyes _("They are GREEN thank you! Why do people have such a hard time with that?") _and he dropped his magz. _

"_Harry!" Acacya cried, feeling her love bubble over for Harry. "I'm alive!!!1" _

"_Are you?" Harry asked, voice trembling. Then he shook his head. "No, ur not real." Then he picked up his magazines again and began to walk down the hallway, never looking back. Acacya creyed, running after Harry. _

"_No! I'm alive! It's real!" she screamed, realizing how this was just like a scene from "All My Dog's Puppies' Lives"! Her favorite soap eva! "Look at me Harry!" she screamed and threw herself on him. _

Remus's eyebrows then raised very high. His skin took on an even paler complexion and his fingers dropped the book because his whole body had gone numb.

"Remus!" Harry bellowed, forgetting his terror and running towards his friend. He began to shake Remus's shoulders then, trying to get him to stop staring at the book. Then, Harry saw a bit of silver wrapping poking out from the werewolf's coat pocket and quickly snatched it.

Harry then ripped off several pieces of the chocolatey treat and rammed it into Remus's mouth, hoping that it work.

It did.

Remus snapped back into reality and sprang to his feet, eyes rolling, while he munched on the chocolate. Harry sighed in relief and backed away.

"In the middle of the hallways?" Remus shouted. "Minerva wouldn't even tolerate holding hands in the hallways! I highly doubt that she would encourage it!" Harry's relief faded and he clapped his hands over his ears and closed his eyes.

"Don't say it! Don't say it! Don't say it! Don't think of it! Don't think of it! Don't think of it!" Harry chanted loudly, backing away.

"Remus, stop shouting!" Ginny pleaded, also covering her ears. Remus's eyes snapped towards her and a few moments later he was relaxed.

"So sorry," he apologized. "I don't know what came over me." But then, the student's looked over at the quiet twins and saw something strange.

Fred was glaring at Harry… in _jealousy_. George tried to snap his brother out of it but it seemed that Fred was beyond the aid of his twin.

"Someone get Fred out of here!" Remus commanded, abandoning the book and pulling out some tea bags this time. "Make him some tea and wait until he calms down." George quickly yanked his brother to his feet and took the tea from Remus's hand before heading up towards the dormitories.

"What's going on?" Ron asked fearfully, staring at his brother in shock.

"It looks like he's taking on the tendencies of his fictional self," Hermione explained, eys widening in terror. "I myself have been feeling like I'm covered in dirt."

"I _have_ had a wild urge to give Weasley a hug a couple times today," Draco added grudgingly. "That's not normal."

"Does that mean I'm going to die?" Ginny squeaked, frantically checking her wrists for a pulse.

"This isn't good," Remus said softly, sinking back into his chair. The children sighed in relief, glad that Remus understood their dilemma. "This book had a dark curse upon it somewhere. I just wish I knew where to even start!"

Then, Hermione thought of something. As usual.

"Harry, how are you feeling?" Hermione asked, suddenly very concerned. Harry thought for a moment before answering.

"Disgusted. Nauseous. Afraid," he listed off before Hermione cut him off.

"That's great. So you aren't affected yet!" she cried triumphantly. Harry frowned, shoving his glasses up further on his head.

"How is that possible though? She focuses on me the most out of all of us!" Hermione just shrugged.

"You're the Chosen One," she stated nonchalantly with a shrug.

Harry sighed. "It always comes down to that doesn't it?"

**A/N: So, that's it so far. I promise in the next chapter there will be more on how the other characters are affected by the book. And I promise, to those who were distraught that I brought Remus in, that he will mostly be unharmed. I doubt Acacya knows about his character (shh… let's not bring him to her attention) and she probably doesn't dig werewolves anyway. **

**So, please review!**


	23. Filler Chapters and Seamus

**A/N: I'm back again with a new chapter. And Acacya is ready to reveal some secret things to the group…**

**Oh, and persona imaginaire… this is for your friend that had the question. ;D**

**Disclaimer: Don't own it. **

"All right Remus, your time is served," Harry insisted, still a little afraid for his friend and mentor's mental safety.

"Actually, Harry," Remus interjected, smiling quietly. "I still have half a chapter to go."

"Why weren't you able to finish?" Harry asked, flabbergasted.

"Because people wouldn't stop having spasms," Remus reminded him dryly. This sent Harry reeling, staring at Remus in shock.

"Since when do you have a dry sense of humor?" he questioned. Remus sighed.

"Since I've had to put up with a book with an evil curse on it. Now sit down Harry and let me read!" Remus explained with a snap. Harry immediately went back to his seat and waited patiently.

"Hurry, Remus," Hermione whispered. "I can literally _feel_ my teeth growing to look like a beaver's."

"_It really is you!" Harry exclaimed, breathless. Acacya smiled down at him, not even bothering to pull her shirt back on modestly. _

"_Yes," she whispered, stroking Harry's hair adoringly. "Im here." _

"_You are bttr than ever," Harry praised, eyes raking over Acacya's body appreciatively. Acacya giggled and tucked her luscious locks behind her ear. _

"_I know," she agreed. _

"I'm sorry Harry," Remus choked out, shaking his head. "But you disgust me."

Harry sighed. "I know. I disgust me too."

_Harry then took Acacya's face and… _("Ahem… just a minute…")

_Acacya and Harry dressed, smiling for their viewers. Suddenly, Acacya's face became dreamy and distant as she stared at those around her. _

_She saw Sevvy, Albus, Minnie, the twins, Ron, Hermione (like, eww!), that cute Irish kid_, ("AAAAAAAH!!!" Seamus screamed and dashed up the stairway to throw up in the toilet in the dorm.), _and hordes of other sexy guys and ugly girls. _

"_Sevvy and Minnie are going to be together forever," she prophesied and Sevvy and Minnie beamed at each other. _

"Oh bloody hell," Draco groaned. "She's being all super powered again."

"Well, at least she took a moment out of our sex life to be super powered," Harry argued. "I've got to count my blessings."

Draco rolled his eyes and muttered something about a baby. He withered slightly under the glare that Remus shot him.

"Someone should check that Seamus hasn't passed out in the lavatory," Remus suggested once he was satisfied that Draco would remain silent for a while and leave poor Harry alone. "It would be unfortunate if he should be lying on his back and he has the need to empty himself again."

Dean willingly got up and trudged up the stairs, hollering Seamus's name.

"Oh, get this chapter over with Remus!" Hermione finally cried. "I can't take much more of this! I can literally _feel_ my hair getting greasy!"

"I didn't know you were so obsessed with your looks Hermione," Ron teased but his joy was cut short when he had to dodge her flying fist.

"Touchy," Draco added with a cocky grin.

_Acacya then turned to the twins and smiled at them. _

"_Do not let your jealousy ovrpwr you. I am open to everyone." Acacya winked and Harry laughed in amusement. _

"_Hermione," Acacya began then frowned. "You're ugly. I do not need forsight to know that you will never get a lay." Herm burst into tears and rushed away, sobbing and screaming about her ugly and horrible image. _

"_Cute Irish boy," Acacya said and turned to face the adorable Irish boy. "You are cute and Irish. You have a lot of beer before you." The boy blushed and nodded his head in her direction. _

"_Your beauty and wisdom surpasses all," he murmrd and gave a shie grin. _

"_And Albus," Acacya turned to him and smiled. "You are gay."_

The room fell deathly silent.

"Whatever."

"The girl is off her rocker."

"What cheek she has to even suggest it."

"I doubt…"

"Well…"

"Could he?"

"I dunno…"

The room was quiet again. Remus took this as his cue to just keep reading.

_Albus was flustered but pleased. _

"_If anyone else wants a reading, they can contact me," Acacya announced with a dazzling bright smile that caused several students to pull out their sunglasses. _

"She skipped me!" Ron suddenly shouted. Then he thought for a moment. "Thank Merlin."

"_Now if you don't mind," Acacya said, lifting herself up from the ground. "I must accompany Harry back to our room." _

"_You may have classes off, both of u," Albus decided and Harry beamed. _

"_Thank the Force, I had a paper due in my next class," Harry murmred to Acacya and she couldn't help but notice how seductive he sounded. _

"What's the Force supposed to mean?" Neville wondered but then noticed Remus's glare.

"Please. I have to finish this chapter but you children have to stop interrupting," Remus insisted with a somewhat forced smile. The children quickly complied.

_So Acacya and Harry scampered off to their old room, which Harry had occupied to bury his sorrows in, and…_

Remus casually flipped through the pages.

"Wow. I don't think anyone has had two of those scenes in one chapter before," Ginny noted as they waited for Remus to finish skipping. "It must be your lucky day Lupin." Remus shot a glare at her and Ginny became meek and quiet.

"Finally," Remus gasped and sank in his chair with relief. Then he started to read, desperately hoping for his turn to be over soon.

_Harry and Acacya lay there facing each other. Harry gently stroked her face and smiled at herr. _

"_I cant believe it," he whispered. "It's really you." Acacya nodded wordlessly at him, eyes blrring her vision. "I've missed you so much."_

"_I've missed you too," Acacya finally choked out. _

"_You had a wonderful service," Harry told her, grinning. "All pink."_

"_Aww," Acacya cooed, reaching over to stick her tongue down Harry's throat. When she was done, she beamed at him. "You're so sweet. A pink funeral…"_

"_I try," Harry gasped and stared at Acacya in admiration. "You have only gotten better!" _

"_Let's not waste another moment!" Acacya declared._

Remus twitched and again began to flip through pages.

"Again!?" Ginny cried, now totally astonished. "You have got the worst luck in the world, Remus!"

Remus, for the first time, looked to be even paler than he had ever been before. He stopped flipping through the pages (he believed to have already skipped past fifteen pages and wondered how many were left) and snatched a square of chocolate for his strength before continuing on.

"I'm gonna… check on Fred and George," Ron stammered before exiting quietly. He ran into Seamus and Dean on the way up and cautioned them not to go in for a little while. Seamus was still very green and Dean was relieved for the warning.

"Thanks mate. I wouldn't want to have to drag Seamus back up so he could vomit more." Dean made a face and helped Seamus sit down on the steps.

Meanwhile, thirty pages later, Remus finally found a decent passage.

_Acacya slept and Harry noticed that she was even more loverly than before._

_Had her lips always been that full?_

_Had her eyelashes always been so crly? _

_Had her eyes always changed color so quickly? _

_Had her hair always floated about her that way?_

_Had she always weighed fifty pounts?_

_Had her skin always been that pale?_

_Had she always had that collection of lacy corsets and frilly undergarments?_

_Had she always been that good in bed?_

"This is taking a horrible turn," Remus muttered and flipped forward a couple pages then sighed. "There we are."

_Harry knew one thing. He was never letting Acacya out of his site again. Never, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever again!_

Remus then gently set the book down and stood up from the chair. He then quietly walked over to an empty couch and looked around the room.

"So, who's next?"

**A/N: Sorry, kinda short but at least I updated. :D Please review!!**


	24. The Entrance of a Villain in Love

**A/N: So, I'm finally back! Sorry I took so long but finals and all that demanded my full attention. **

**And I've realized lately that I'm going to have to think about ending this story soon. Which makes me so sad… it probably won't be for several more chapters but this does have to come to an end soon. (sadness)**

**So, on that note, please enjoy this chapter!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter, but I own Acacya. Which kind of makes me want to cry excessively. **

"So, who's next?" Remus asked cheerfully, settling back into his chair.

Neville tentatively raised his hand. "I read next," he answered in a whisper. Remus tried not to roll his eyes.

"How many must I tell you lot, I'm not your teacher anymore! Stop raising your hands!" Remus insisted, frowning. Neville nodded sheepishly and lowered his hand before heading towards the chairs. "And what's the matter with you all?" Remus snapped suddenly, "Making someone like Neville read this rubbish."

"Everyone has to have a turn," Harry icily replied, defending himself. "Neville isn't an exception." Remus raised his eyebrows dangerously and started a retort.

"I don't mind, Professor," Neville said meekly, interrupting the argument and holding the book nervously. "Everyone has to have a turn." Remus glanced at him and sighed, defeated.

"Go ahead and read," Hermione encouraged, smiling at Neville. Neville nodded and opened the book obediently, reading from the first few sentences.

_While the students celebraided Acacya's return, someone had other plans in meyend. _

_Lord Moldy Wart _("… Moldy Wart? Did she really just called the most feared wizard in the entire history of magic _Moldy Wart?_" "Well, he does have one of those on his face though. He thinks it's a beauty mark." "Shut it Ron.") _was pacing in his lair and humming to himself. The tune was "Ridin' Dirty" and it helped Moldy Wart think with such clarity. His other thinking songs included "Sexy Back", "Fergilicious", and "Umbrella". _

_He just had to think of a way to get to that boy. He was protected by the luv of Acacya and therefore nearly impossible to reach. If only the girl wasn't so fantastic or beautiful he could get to his only true nemesis. _

_Moldy Wart had to admit, the girl was attractive. She made him feel… love. (Bet you thought I was going to say something else, didn't you? Giggle!) _

The students (and Remus) sat in shock for several moments.

"Oh… sweet… Merlin," Hermione managed to choke out, eyes watering. "Everything that she just said is making my brain have spasms."

"Voldemort can't bloody _feel_ love!" Harry cried, indignant. "If he was going to have the power of love, how in the bloody hell would I be able to win, dammit?"

"Calm down Harry," Ron soothed, being the good friend he is. "There's no need for language. Just take a deep breath, mate."

Harry took a large intake of breath, filling his lungs until his face nearly turned red, and then released it in a shaky _woosh_. "Thanks, Ron," Harry said, smiling sheepishly at his friend.

"Any time," Ron replied with a shrug.

"Do you have to prevent a lot of these attacks?" Remus wondered innocently, smiling quietly at Harry and shaking his head in amazement.

"Just once every few hours," Ron replied with a grin rivaling Remus's. Harry's expression turned dark and he muttered dangerously to himself.

Draco just sat silently in the corner… staring at the wall in shock. He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named… _the _He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named couldn't possibly be _that_ much of a loser could he?

_And so Moldy Wart's thoughts strayed from diabolical _("She knows what diabolical means?" "Golf claps.") _to thoughts of the enchanting Acacya Moonbeam. Her hair was radiant and soft, her eyes shone like crystals, and her lips were luscious and red. What was there not to love? Moldy Wart was smitten and he knew it would be his downfall. _("Damn right," Harry snapped.)

_How could he harm this girl? How could he ever bring her pain by killing her one true love? _

_Then Moldy Wart had an idea. What if __**he**__ filled the empty void for Acacya once he had succeeded in getting rid of Potter? Harry Dawg could hardly love Acacya more that he could after all. He would treat Acacya like a queen! And a queen she would be… the queen of Darkness. She would be beautiful and terrible at his side. They would repopulate the world with Pureblood wizards. _

"Umm… Acacya is a Muggle," Draco noted from the back. "The Dark Lord would not want anything to do with the little mudblood." An audible squeak came from Hermione at the slanderous term but the room had to admit that Draco had a good point.

"Like Hermione said before," Ginny snapped, "No one ever said that she was well researched." Hermione shot her a grateful look, which Ginny acknowledge with a brisk nod and a smile.

_Moldy Wart grinned in success. _

_But how would he get to Potter without harming Acacya? It was an interesting predicament. Now that he no longer had a Malfoy working for him in the castle things were getting difficult. _

_Perhaps he could send someone to capture her, right from Harry's arms. Then he would be forced to come after her and Moldy Wart would be waiting… waiting… _

_The plan was perfect. Moldy Wart's cackles echoed off the walls and he stalked off to find the perfect person to steal away the girl. _

"As much as I hate to say this," Harry started slowly, choosing his words carefully, "I actually hope he doesn't get to her. Even though he would probably hurt her and get her out of my hair, the two of them together…" Harry broke off, shuddering.

"Voldemort by himself is scary," Remus agreed, "But with this girl the world wouldn't stand a chance in hell."

"Imagine… her power to turn is into mindless, beautiful models," Neville gasped from his chair. "Willing and ready to just… do whatever You-Know-Who wanted!"

"It's a scary thought," Ron agreed.

Hermione looked ready to cry. "Imagine how illiterate we all would be!" she moaned and buried her face in her hands. "Books would just crumble and fade… unless they were already burned!" Ron frowned.

"There, there," he said and awkwardly patted her shoulder. "It's just a story."

Ginny, Luna, and Draco were quiet, keeping their own personal hell away from the others.

"Do you reckon that Fred and George and Dean and Seamus are okay?" Remus wondered, frowning up at the staircase in worry.

"When I was up there George nearly had Fred calmed down again," Ron said. "And I had Seamus and Dean wait a little outside the Common Room. Seamus still looked green and I figured he needed more time before getting back in here."

"Oh," Remus replied, a little surprised. "That was easy to find out then."

"Shall I continue?" Neville wondered, bouncing a little in impatience in his seat.

"Yes, please do Neville," Remus replied apologetically.

_And as Ford Moldy Wart walked down the dark, beautiful, sculpted hallway that only contained half of Acacya's beauty he began to think. He thought about what he and Acacya should do once she was his. _

At this moment, Neville's face went from painfully bored and disgusted to pale and pinched, eyes bugging out abnormally and mouth moving up and down like a beached fish. Harry, being the hero is, dashed up and grabbed hold of Neville's wrist.

"Neville?" he hissed, trying to keep his eyes away from the book. Neville did not respond or show any sign of hearing Harry.

Remus was thoroughly alarmed, having never seen the Acacya-induced attacks before on the students, and also hurried forward to check it out.

"He is beyond the aid of chocolate," Remus decided, sighing sadly. "Why did you insist that he read this book? I _knew_ it would be too much for him!"

"Hey," Harry snapped, not wanting to think himself responsible (even though him thinking this was inevitable because he is _Harry Bloody Potter_ after all and had to feel bad about everything). "He read a chapter before this and was just fine! How was I to know?"

"Better not read it," Hermione piped up from her spot on the floor. "If it was enough to make one of us catatonic then it probably will also cause seizures, blindness, loss of limbs, that sort of thing."

"Why are you so unconcerned about Neville?" Harry snapped, happy to pin some blame on someone else. Hermione just settled back into her spot and refused to answer. Secretly, she was just glad it wasn't her.

"Yeah," Ginny added, ignoring the spat between her crush and best girl mate. "Even Malfoy wasn't totally immobile when he had an attack. He had seizures (or it looked that way anyway) but was only unconscious after Harry bludgeoned him."

"Gee, thanks for reminding me," Draco drawled darkly from his corner, glaring at the Weasley girl. "I love reminiscing over happy memories."

"Oh, stop being dry," Ron muttered, rolling his eyes.

"I could always give into that damned temptation to hug you Weasel," Draco fired back, gray eyes glinting dangerously. "It probably won't hurt me as much as it would hurt you."

Though Ron would never admit it, he gulped from where he sat and backed right off. He was afraid that if Draco hugged him then Ron would also give into his own Acacya-induced need to hug Malfoy back. He would get that hair gel all over his good robes!

"Stop fighting," Remus demanded wearily, helping Harry lug Neville over to a couch. "We have more important things to figure out."

Suddenly, as Harry helped Remus heave Neville and drape him over the couch, he got a good look at the room.

"The room is starting to clear out," he noticed, unusually insightful.

"Yeah, loads of us are all handicapped because of this story," Ron agreed, looking around the room as if he was spooked.

"We need someone to sit by Neville in case he wakes up," Remus said, ignoring the previous conversation. Luna, who had been so quiet that the others nearly forgot she was there, volunteered.

"I'll sit next to him," she replied and shuffled over to the couch before gracefully sitting down. Everyone shrugged and got back to the point at hand.

"Shall we just skip then?" Hermione wondered, hoping her advice would be put to use.

"Probably should," Remus decided and flipped back pages with his eyes closed. "Here's the new chapter," he sighed in relief and held the book out. "Better keep going."

And so the sex fantasies of Ford Moldy Wart were successfully sidestepped.

**A/N: So kind of short, but I just got the biggest kick out of writing this one! Please review? **

**By the way, happy holidays!**


	25. Of Lusciousness and Loss of Brain Cells

**A/N: I am **_**so**_** sorry for the lack of updates. The only excuse I can muster is that Acacya had me in the grips of her powers of writers block. I finally managed to beat her off and write this really quick before she attacks me again with it. So, please enjoy!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter. **

"I believe it's Hermione's turn," Harry declared, remembering the Acacya stunt she had pulled and once more had little sympathy for his friend. Hermione shot Harry a glare but took her allotted space on the squishy reading chair. She could hardly be a hypocrite, could she?

_Back at the castle, Acacya and Harry were walking hand-in-hand down the corridor. Albus had excused them from even more classes so they had endless time to spend together. It was a good thing that Albus understood that Harry NEEDED this time with Acacya. He luved her 2 much and couldn't bare to be separated from her, even for classes. _

"_I love you," Harry whispered in Acacya's ear. Acacya giggled and it sounded like the rain madding sweet melodious sounds against river stones. _

"_I know," she replied. _

"Oh… gag…" Ginny choked and seemed to turn green as the scene continued.

"_What do you say we…" Harry suggested, jerking his head over in the direction of a closet with a mischievous smile. _

"_Oh, not in a broom closet Harry," Acacya protested, winking her nose. "Let's go somewhere else." _("Well NOW she chooses to follow some rules," Hermione snapped irritably).

"_Of course my luv," Harry agreed and whisked her off to a romantic spot. _

_Someone was waiting for them. _("Eww…")

_Harry and Acacya opened the door to their dorm, giggling, when something stopped them in mid-tickle. _

"_What are YOU doing here?" Acacya snarled and leaped out of Harry's arms, then wrapping her arm with Harry's. _

"_Get out of here," Harry growled, pulling Acacya behind him protectively. Acacya nearly swooned at the romanticness of it all. _

_It was Luscious Malfoy, the evil clown father to Draco. _

"_Hello children," he sneered and flicked back a piece of bleached hair. "And how are you?" Despite being terribly frightened, Acacya had to admit that Luscious looked rather dashing when he was sneering at them. _

"No!" Draco yelped and plugged his fingers with his ears. "I am _not_ hearing this!"

"Maybe your mother wrote this Malfoy," Harry suggested casually. Draco just shot him a withering glare and his fingers twitched toward his wand.

"Come on now," Remus interjected wearily, "let's be nice to each other. Just because Draco's dad is in the story doesn't mean that we have to start attacking each other all willy-nilly."

"Did you just say 'willy-nilly'?" Hermione asked, bemused. Remus shrugged and seemed to be too exhausted to argue his usage of the word.

"Just keep reading," Ron suggested.

"_Sorry if I am intruding," Luscious apologized with malice. "Eye just needed to have a word with the lady." _

"_Never," Harry snarled before Luscious could continue. "You can just get out of our room now." _

"_I'm afraid I can't," Luscious replied and his grin spread even wider. "I have my orders, you c." _

"_What orders?" Acacya demanded from behind Harry, desperate to try and get a word into the conversation. _

"_Orders to kidnap you my dear and take you to my Master," Luscious explained. "He is simply so excited to… __**meet**__ you." Acacya gasped and Harry tightened his grip on her elbow. _

"_You'll have to kill me first," Harry declared and stared straight into Luscious's eyes. Luscious shrugged. _

"_Unfortunately, those are not my plans. So I'll simply have to take her right from under your knows," Luscious said sadly and waved his wand. Acacya felt herself being ripped from Harry's hands and over to Luscious. _

"_Acacya!" Harry bellowed and stood in shock as he stared after her. _

"_Harry!" Acacya shrieked as she felt Luscious's warm, sexy hand grip her shoulder. _

"_So long Harry," Luscious said and then flew straight out of the window. Acacya screamed all the while. _

"_Harry! I love you!" she screamed into the night as Luscious dragged her through the night, his free hand outstretched like Superman. _

_Harry fll to the ground and hid his head in his hands. It was 2 awful 2 be true. Acacya couldn't be gone forvr. It was 2 soon!_

_Ron and Draco ran up to the room to see what was wrong. Their Acacya senses had been tingling (hee!) and they had rushed up to the dormitory to see what was going on. _("This is pathetic.")

"_Harry!" Ron shouted. "What's wrong? We heard screaming again!" _("… Again??")

"_Where's Acacya?" Draco asked, searching the room for his secret lover. _

"_She's gone," Harry gasped and began to cry. "Your father came and took her from me." Draco stood, frzn in shock. _

"I'm really rather surprised that we aren't hearing exactly what Acacya was thinking as she was kidnapped," Ginny pointed out, a little confused. "Why would she bother talking about how other people were feeling?"

"Well, either way she's bloody annoying," Draco snapped, looking livid. He couldn't understand why this crazy girl would want to spell his father's name as 'Luscious' but it was really irritating him. His father was a feared and respected Death Eater… _not_ luscious.

"Well, why are we complaining?" Harry squeaked from his corner. "It's not a _bad_ thing that she's not around for the moment!"

"Well, she's not making _you_ look like a perv," Ron challenged, glaring at his friend. Harry fell silent, unable to think of a response to this that wouldn't make him seem whiny and/or an ass.

Hermione, looking far too cheerful, continued to read from the story.

"_My father did? How? When?" Draco gasped, his eyes were rlling in shock. _

"_Just now," Harry explained sadly, tears dripping from his crystal blue eyes. _

"_Well… __**shit**__," Ron swore, and crumpled to the ground. "She's gone again!" _

"_Not for long," Harry swore in a low voice, barely containing his bleyend rage. "I will get her back. I will not live without my soul again!" _

"_Feel free to do whatever you want with my father," Draco added, his gray eyes glinting in anger. "I can't believe he would do such a foul deed and he deserves to die." _("So much for Malfoy loyalty, eh?" "If you don't shut up I'm going to—")

"Guys," Hermione sighed, exasperated. Ron and Malfoy had pounced on each other, their faces deepened into scowls and their fists trying to make contact with the other's body. "Come on now, stop being childish!"

Hermione was amazed when they actually flew away from each other, shock and horror on their faces.

"Oh Merlin," Ron whispered, eyes wide and crouching against a wall. Malfoy said nothing, but just turned paler and refused to look at anyone else in the room.

"What's wrong?" Remus asked, looking bewildered by the spectacle.

"Nothing," both boys said in unison.

"Bloody book," Draco swore under his breath and he shot a look at Ron in a mixture of repulsion and fondness.

"She's sick," Ron agreed in an equally hushed voice and refused to return Malfoy's glance.

"…Okay then," Hermione muttered, rolling her eyes and flipping through the book.

"_You have a plan then?" Ron asked, moving toward Harry in eagerness. Harry nodded with a determined expression on his face. _

"_I have a plan." _

_Meanwhile, Acacya was distraught. _("I knew she couldn't last long without talking about herself!") _She was flying through the air with Luscious and wondering what would bee come of her. She knew where Luscious was taking her and it made her creye. _

_But then a plan came to her mind then. She could try to use her powers for good and turn Moldy Wart into someone with a good heart and he would set her free on his own. _

_It was her only hope._

"That's ridiculous," Hermione muttered and bookmarked the page. "She just gets stupider and stupider."

"…Did you just say 'stupider'?" Ron asked, amused/scared. Hermione gasped and clapped her hand to her mouth.

"Apparently she is not the only one losing brain cells," Remus noted from the side. "I myself was just wondering who Merlin was."

"_Remus_!" Hermione gasped, finding her voice again.

"Does anyone mind if I go to the bathroom to slit my wrists?" Harry asked casually, standing up again. "I don't know if I can stand another chapter in my point of view and it's bound to be coming."

"But Harry," Ron protested, "If you die, who will she have? She might have to turn her full attention to _me_!"

"He's right Harry," Remus agreed, turning away from the thought of his loss of brainpower. "Sit back down and stay alive please." Harry, looking disgruntled and upset that his friends were so horrible, sat down.

"Should we take a break?" Ginny wondered. "We should probably check on Fred and George and Seamus and Dean."

"Good idea," Hermione agreed and the two girls excused themselves.

"Phew," Luna breathed in relief and settled back into her chair.

**A/N: Not much I know… but I was hoping the Lucius/Luscious joke would put me in some good graces. **

**Please review!**


	26. Possessions and Alphabet Games

**A/N: Well, I'm finally back. :) School is out for the time being, so hopefully I'll be able to update a lot more. But I won't babble too much in this Author's Note and skip straight to the chapter. I will just add that I don't think there will be much of Acacya's story in this chapter. Phew. **

**Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter**

"Fred?" Ron called nervously into the open dormitory, where Fred and George were currently residing. "George?"

Ron and Ginny had been sent up to check the damage toward the two twins since they were the only blood relatives. Hermione, Harry, and Remus had gone to see what the state of Seamus was because Remus felt that splitting up was the best way to go about this whole mess.

"We're in here Ron," George called from inside. Ron and Ginny tentatively entered because of the encouraging sound of George's voice.

"Everything okay in here?" Ginny asked and her voice shook ever so slightly. George looked over from the chair he was sitting in next to a four-poster bed and sighed.

"Things are going better," he explained wearily. "I've finally got him to stop threatening to kill Harry and was able to take the body binding spell off." Fred lifted his head up from the pillow and focused his eyes.

"Oh. Hey," he greeted and let his head fall back.

"Would you possibly ask Remus to send some chocolate up here?" George asked. "I think he's finally starting to come around and the extra chocolate might help." Ginny quickly zipped out of the door and down the hallway to search for her former teacher, leaving Ron alone with his brothers.

There was a long stretch of silence as George and Ron refused to look at each other. Finally, Fred broke the silence.

"So, I really flipped out, didn't I?" he commented from the bed, grinning slightly. "I have to admit that it was a bit of an out of body experience."

"You were bloody crazy," George agreed, allowing himself to laugh. "I think we really underestimated the power of the Mary-Sue."

Fred nodded, agreeing. "I don't think it would be quite safe enough to sell to anyone under 15," he noted. "How are the others holding up?" Fred asked to Ron. Ron simply shrugged and looked down at the ground.

"Hermione is a trooper, of course," Ron started, grinning. "So is Luna. Although, she really isn't so affected by the story because she's not in it. Neville is in a coma I think though." Fred and George's eyebrows raised into their hairlines. "And Harry… well, Harry did threaten to kill himself a little bit ago. He'll be fine."

"What about you and the weasel?" George asked darkly. Ron reddened and mumbled a response.

"We have a desire to… _hug _each other," he explained.

"Ew," George sympathized. "That's rotten luck." Ron reddened even more as he thought of his last encounter with Malfoy.

"Uh-oh," Fred suddenly said from the bed and Ron looked over in curiosity. Really, he was just glad to think of something besides Malfoy.

"What?" he asked, dread lacing his words.

"He's going to have another attack," George warned and stood up. "You might have to help me hold him down." But Ron just stood there in shock as the words processed.

On the bed, Fred's body began to shake and he braced his body. "No!" he cried out but the attack came on regardless. "Acacya! I love you!1!!!111!2" he nearly screamed and his upper body shot straight up as he sat up in bed. George managed to squash him back down and forced him to stay there.

"Calm down Fred," he soothed and Ron managed to scuttle over to the other side of the bed to help.

"How could she choose Harry over me?//???" Fred moaned. "I love her more than that bloody _boy_ ever did!!!1"

"I know Fred," George replied. "I know."

"She's so beautiful and smart and sexy and intelligent and kind and generous and foxy and glamorous and deserves a Nobel Peace Prize for just existing. We should have twenty children and name them all after her because that is the very least that she deserves," Fred babbled.

"What?" Ron shrieked, but it wasn't over yet.

"She deserves a plaque and a medal and a statue and a city and a holiday and two holidays and a state and a river and a mansion and a castle and a palace and all of the money in the world," Fred continued. "She needs a pool where she can swim in the love and adoration of her lovers and grassy hills where she can frolic with bunny rabbits in a low-cut dress."

"This is getting scary," Ron whispered to George, "Does he mean Acacya should be in the dress or the bunnies?" But he held down Fred's arms to keep him steady anyway.

Then, all at once, Fred's body went still and he slumped back onto the bed. There came a few moments where Fred tried to regain his breath and his face returned back to its normal color. "Thanks."

"They're getting better," George observed as he sat back down. "That one lasted only about three minutes."

Ron looked horrified. "Those used to be worse?" he squeaked.

"The longest attack took up twenty minutes," George explained. "It really wasn't a pretty sight."

"And it wasn't any fun for me either," Fred added weakly. "I had to _listen_ to all of that sodding garbage coming out of my mouth!"

At that moment, Remus Lupin entered the room with a bar of chocolate. "I heard that someone needed some medicine up here," he announced.

Ron looked at the small bar of chocolate that Remus had brought and raised his eyebrows. "The poor slob is gonna need more than that," he advised and shook his head.

"Pardon?" Remus asked, eyes widening. Ron just headed towards the doorway.

"I don't think they are quite ready to join us yet downstairs," he added and then exited to go and find his friends.

Ron walked down the steps and entered the Common Room to find that Seamus and Dean were huddled in there with Hermione, Ginny, and Harry.

"How is he?" Hermione asked as she stared up at the ceiling. Ron shrugged.

"He's been a lot better," he answered and found a spot next to Harry. "How are they?" he asked, jerking his head toward Seamus and Dean.

"We have ears you know!" Dean barked sourly.

"They're good," Harry responded, not paying attention to Dean's offended expression.

"Cool," Ron replied and nodded his head.

"Did we miss anything?" Seamus wondered, also ignoring Dean and focused on not throwing up again.

Harry didn't even pause before answering. "Sex, Lord Moldy Wart and his sexy plan, more sex, Lucious as Luscious, and Acacya was kidnapped again."

"Oh," Seamus responded and fell silent.

"So we didn't miss much," Dean summarized as he got over his offended feelings.

"Pretty much," Ginny agreed.

Another silence fell upon the group.

"Any change with Neville?" Hermione asked to Luna.

"No, he's been pretty dead looking the whole time," Luna answered dreamily. Everyone in the room looked at each other in horror as they processed Luna's word choice.

"You don't think he's actually _dead_… do you?" Ginny asked, her voice shaking again.

"No way," Ron shrugged it off but then paused to think about it. All of them looked over at Neville.

"Maybe one of us should check for a pulse," Harry whispered.

"You do it," Ron whispered back.

"Somebody do it," Draco shouted from his forgotten corner, announcing to everyone that he was still there.

"I'll do it," Harry whispered to Ron, ignoring Malfoy. He then tiptoed over to Neville's still body and stood before it uneasily. He then poked him and waited for a response. None came.

"You can do it Harry," Hermione said encouragingly.

Harry steeled himself and put two of his fingers to Neville's neck before he could change his mind.

There was a pulse.

"He's alive," Harry breathed in relief.

"Thank Merlin," Hermione exclaimed and turned her eyes to the sky in gratitude. Harry stumbled back to his seat and collapsed there, face pale and a sweat on his forehead.

"This woman will be the death of me," he muttered darkly and took a steadying breath.

Not even Malfoy could bring himself to make fun of him.

"Not just the death of _you_," Draco finally managed to sputter in the most spiteful tone he could muster. He had to admit to himself that it was a really weak comeback and not even a comeback at all.

"What should we do now?" Ginny wondered and rested her chin in her hand. Everyone glanced towards the book but then quickly looked away.

"Let's not read another chapter," Ron piped up. "Remus isn't back yet and I'm sure he wants us to wait." The truth was, Lupin would have done a back flip of happiness if the others had read a chapter without him. But the students wanted an excuse to not read and it was as good as any.

"We could play the Alphabet Game," Hermione suggested casually.

"The Alphabet Game?" Ron repeated skeptically. "It sounds like a game for nerds."

Hermione blushed but persisted with trying to sell the game. "It's good for passing time in a non-threatening way."

"What are the rules?" Harry asked wearily, his face returning to its normal pinkish color.

Hermione perked up at the encouragement and straightened up in her seat. "Someone starts with the letter 'A'. That person says a word that starts with 'A' and then the next person says a word that starts with 'B' and you go through the whole alphabet that way."

"It sounds boring," Seamus groaned.

"Would you rather we read the book?" Hermione snapped back coldly, her eyes narrowing. Seamus had nothing to add to that.

"Okay, who wants to go first?" Dean asked. When no one volunteered he gave a sad sigh. "I guess I will and we'll go clockwise from here." Dean thought for a moment and began with "Acacya".

Everyone flinched but Seamus carried on after him. "Bitch."

Malfoy was next. "Colorful hair."

"Demonic," Ron chirped after him.

Ginny rolled her eyes but added, "Egregious." Hermione raised her eyebrows, impressed with Ginny's word choice but also a little daunted because she had to do even better.

"Fat," she finally stammered, blushing at her lack of good vocabulary at the moment.

"Gory," Harry flatly intoned.

Luna paused dreamily as she stared up at the ceiling. "Hasselhoff." No one bothered to ask what that was supposed to mean. Luna turned to Neville and frowned. "Neville, it's your turn."

"Er, Luna…" Hermione began but paused when she saw Luna staring fiercely at Neville's unconscious face.

"Neville says 'Idiotic'," Luna concluded with a smile and turned away from Neville.

Everyone else stared at her awkwardly for a moment before passing on to Dean again.

This went on for about ten more minutes until Remus finally came stomping down the staircase.

"Well, that was a disaster!" he announced to the group and shook his head wearily. "Fred was momentarily possessed and refused to eat any of the chocolate. He kept spitting it back at me until whatever was inside of him finally left. I have never seen anything like it." Remus wiped his forehead with a handkerchief and sighed. "I hope you didn't wait up for me," he added with genuine hope in his voice.

"Nah, we waited for you Professor Lupin," Hermione beamed up at him.

"We've been passing the time with a… game," Ron explained and made a face.

Remus's face fell. "Well, I suppose we should continue on then. It's getting close to lunch and we're still not very close to finishing this book are we?"

"Luna?" Hermione prompted and motioned to the book. "I believe it's your turn again." Luna nodded distantly and left her post at Neville's side to grab the book.

"Part Two," she read aloud. "It's called 'Acacya Saves the World!!111!!'"

**A/N: So, not very exciting right? Kind of random right? Pointless? I hope this means that ya'll will still review. :) A better chapter is coming up, I promise! **

**And just in case anyone is wondering, this is the dictionary definition of "Egregious". **

**Egregious: Bad, blatant, or ridiculous to an extraordinary degree**

**Yeah, I didn't know what it meant either at first. It's an awesome word though. **


	27. Moldy the Song Writer

**A/N: Back again… just in case you all were wondering. Anyway, we return back to Acacya's story… so sorry but she was absolutely furious when she realized that the last chapter had nothing about her story in it so I had no choice. :( **

**And also, I used an idea that was given to me by a reviewer by the name of FreakyD45663. Thanks! :) **

**Disclaimer: Don't own anything that you recognize to be the work of J.K. Rowling. **

"What do you mean 'Part Two'?" Harry demanded, his glasses falling off as he jumped up in surprise.

Luna sighed. "You may recall that there was a Part One called 'Acacya Gives Hogwarts A Makeover'", she pointed out blandly. "This is Part Two of the book."

Ron groaned in annoyance. "I thought we were really close to the end. We're only half way through? Ugh!" He then flopped onto his back dramatically (although it didn't take him long to realize that the floor, was in fact, very hard and not good for flopping).

"This book is endless!" Hermione added. She took a sideways look at the fire in the Common Room that still was managing to crackle merrily. "Maybe if we burned it the curse would be undone…" she suggested craftily.

Remus frowned, raising his eyebrows. "Miss Granger, please don't tell me that you actually believe that setting a cursed object on fire will actually reverse its effect?" Hermione blushed and did not bring up the idea again (out loud).

"May I read please?" Luna asked politely and without waiting for an answer, began.

_**Part Two!!: Acacya Saves The World!!111! (And gives it a makeover too)**_

_Acacya was locked in a dark, cold room. She shivered in her low-cut, satin nightdress that her mother had given her years ago. She had managed to use her special gift to summon it for her outfit. It was a pale pink with shimmery stars hanging off of it and was nearly see through. _

"Ugh," Ginny grunted with distaste. "Why wouldn't anyone in their right mind find warmer clothes?"

"In case you haven't noticed," Ron began with a goofy smile on his face, "She is definitely not in her right mind." Not even Ginny could argue with this.

_She was hoping for someone to visit her soon. She missed her luv Harry so terribly much!! Why would tehy treat her so cruelly as to not allow her visitation rights? _

"… Because it's Lord Moldy Wart and he doesn't do that kind of stuff," Seamus explained for the group.

"_We_ know that Seamus," Dean pointed out with raised eyebrows.

Seamus shrugged. "I feel that I'm obligated to try and explain it to _her_ anyway."

_Acacya sighed and weighted some more. If only her tru love would hurry with his rescue. She herself could not put her plan into motion without being able to see Lord Moldy Wart and try to convince him to leave her and Harry a lone. _

_Suddenly, as if her thoughts were read and granted (OMG!!) a man came through the doorway. _

"_Moldy wishes to apologize for your ugly room but he had not finished yours quite yet," the man explained as he looked up and down Acacya with a smirk. Acacya had to admit that this guy was hawt… for an older man. _

"Dear Merlin," Hermione grumbled and allowed her head to be shielded in her hands.

_Acacya winked enticingly at the man and willingly allowed him to put handcuffs on her to lead her to her real room. (Tee hee!) _("I don't quite understand whatever sexual joke she might be hinting at here… what are handcuffs supposed to be?")

_Acacya finally got to her room and she was surprised to see how beautiful it was. There was a huge canopy bed covered in completely pink sheets as well as huge mirrors covering the walls so that she could look at her beauty when ever she wished. There was also plush carpeting and rainbows painted across the ceiling. Not to mention a huge walk-in closet that already contained fancy clothing inside. Acacya was in heaven. _

"Somehow I doubt that Lord Moldy Wart took a class in interior design during his days at Hogwarts," Harry sniggered, slightly amused and frightened at the turn the book had taken.

"But maybe _Luscious_ did," Ron chuckled and Harry slapped him a high five. Remus however, looked disapprovingly at the Weasley and Draco was practically foaming at the mouth. "Oh, er, sorry Professor," Ron apologized sheepishly and ignored Draco.

This was not something that Draco appreciated. "My father is a respectable manly-man!" Draco barked and stood up. "How disrespectful of you to soil his name with your silly little joke!"

Ron raised his eyebrows. "Whoa, sorry ferret. My mistake," Ron grinned and turned away from Draco once more. Draco's upper lip twitched in annoyance and before anyone could say 'Holy crow!' Draco had jumped through the air and tackled Ronald Weasley.

It should be said that normally Draco would not have directly attacked Ron and would have found a way to simply make his life horrible in a subtle, malicious way. That was just the way he did things. But reading this story for nearly two days in a row had left his nerves and control frayed and frazzled and he simply wasn't going to take it anymore.

"Die, Weaselbee, die!" Draco shouted as he pinned Ron to the floor by sitting on his chest and bashing Ron's head into the floor.

Ron didn't even have the state of mind to cry out in pain.

"Malfoy!" Hermione screeched and she jumped into the fray by beating her fists against Draco's back and hollering at him. Remus even tried to pry Malfoy away from Ron's slowly weakening body but nothing could stop him. Nothing but Acacya and her characterization of him.

"Bloody hell!" Draco shouted and finally forced himself away from Ron. "She _really_ wants us to have sex doesn't she!" He then stormed off to the Portrait and tried to force it open. "Let me _out_!" he screamed at the top of his lungs and began to kick at the painting.

"He's delirious!" Seamus cried out.

"Malfoy!" Harry barked and flicked his wand suspiciously.

"What in the fu-," Draco began but was stopped in the middle of his tirade when Harry smashed a rather large pot over the delirious boy's blonde head. Draco dropped to the ground like a ragdoll, surprisingly still conscious.

"Damn," Harry muttered and he hit Malfoy's head again with the pot. This time was a successful one and Draco was ready for a long nap.

"What a mental case!" Ginny hissed and rushed next to Hermione to see if her brother was even alive. Remus was already busy trying to rouse Ron from his coma-like state.

"Ron," he commanded and snapped his fingers in front of Ron's face. "Come on Ron!"

Ron's eyes blearily opened and tried to focus. "Get 'im off'er me," he mumbled and acted as if he were pushing someone off of him.

"He's off," Remus explained and propped Ron up. "You have to try and stay awake. You may have a concussion." Ron looked even more confused at this announcement. "Just, keep trying to talk and all that. We don't want you to drift off."

"I don't think anything's wrong," Ron muttered. "I'm just in a bit of pain." Everyone was relieved to hear that he wasn't slurring anymore.

"Good," Remus sighed. Then he realized something. "Oh, Harry did you have to possibly give Mr. Malfoy a concussion too!" he nearly shouted in exasperation.

"What?" Harry cried, scandalized. "He had to be stopped before he killed someone!" Remus sighed but moved Draco on to a couch without a word.

"Let's get this over with," Ginny decided as she offered to support her brother back to his seat. Hermione trailed after them, looking worried.

If there was something good that came from this, Draco had managed to bring a sense of reality back to the group of children and shocked them back into typical behavior. For now.

Luna, having never moved from her spot since the commotion started, was still poised and ready to start reading.

_Acacya twirled around in her new room and collapsed on the bed. But even though Acacya was in love with whoever designed this room, she knew exactly what Lord Moldy Wart was up to. _("Someone could realize that a mile away…" Dean grumbled.) _He was trying to entice her and make her forget all about her tru luv Harry. Well it wasn't going to happen!!11!_

_At that moment, Lord Moldy Wart himself entered and smiled kindly at her. "Do you like your room?" Acacya was startled by his entrance and jumped up from the bed. _

_Once more, she had to notice that J.K. had rather underestimated another one of her characters. Lord Moldy Wart was not quite vile or disgusting or hideous. He really wasn't that horrible looking. A little love and he was sure to be fixed right up into a Prince. _

"Apparently she has never been face-to-face with him," Harry muttered darkly as he grimaced. "He is undeniably vile, disgusting, AND hideous. Not to mention **pure evil**."

"We know Harry," Ginny assured him and patted his shoulder with an endearing smile.

"But she doesn't!" Harry whimpered, already slipping back into his delirious mode.

"_My Lord," Acacya gasped, remembering to curtsey at the last moment. _("This is a Dark Lord, not the King of England!" Hermione snapped lividly.) _"How charming it is to see the man who has brought me here to this wonderful, glorious room." _

"_It is not nearly as wonderful or glorious as you are," Lord Moldy Wart cooed. "If you would not mind, I would like to sing you a song to describe your glorious, wonderful nature. _

_Acacya giggled, surprised by this, and nodded in acceptance. _

"Oh no!" Ginny giggled and she clutched at her stomach.

"She wouldn't be _that_ insane," Dean whispered, eyes wide in awe and fear.

"She couldn't be!" Ron squeaked, his face returning to its natural color.

"She would," Luna assured him, causing Harry to begin to cry. But this time it was tears of laughter.

_Lord Moldy Wart cleared his throat and began to sing in a charming voice. _

"_Oh how you sparkle in the light_

_I can't forget the night _

_The night that I first heard of you_

_Acacya you are gloriously, wonderfully_

_Glorious and I never want to let you go_

_You make unicorns seem dull and boring_

_As for leprechauns? They have me snoring_

_You are wonderful and glorious and beautiful and kind and magnificent! _

_I want the world to know of you gloriousness _

_Acacya, you are my sunshine_

_You are my moon_

_You are my dove_

_You are my fish_

_You are my bunny-wunny rabbit_

_You are my ocean_

_And you are my lake_

_And my heart_

_And my eyes_

_And my teeth_

_And my hair_

_And my sun!_

_Acacya, you are everything to meeeeEEEeee_

The room was doubled over in laughter. Even Remus could not contain his amusement as he was draped over a chair and shaking in chuckles.

No one could believe how awful this was and how this girl must really, truly love herself.

"Sweet Merlin!" Hermione gasped as she wiped away at the tears that had been streaming down. "This girl is absolutely bonkers."

"This book has gone all wonky," Seamus agreed.

"The book _began_ all wonky," Dean countered and Seamus had to agree with this.

"Oh dear," Hermione sighed as her laughter died down finally.

"The sight is horrible to imagine!" Harry squawked and Ron was leaning against his mate's shoulder to regain his breath.

"It keeps going too," Luna said with a giggle (very out of character for her for she seemed to really be amused).

"_Oh!" Acacya gushed and skipped over to where Lord Moldy Wart was. "That was beautiful and touching!" Acacya still knew that Moldy Wart's plan was being put in action but she had to admit that a song dedicated to her was nice. But she wouldn't fall for it. "If only Harry were here to hear it," she sighed dramatically and flopped back onto her bed. _

"_Why do you want Harry?" the Dark Lord hissed. "When I have another song for you as well?" _

"Skip it," everyone unanimously cried.

Luna skipped forward five pages and then continued on with her reading.

"_Oh, that was even better than the last one," Acacya sighed dreamily and her face was upturned into the perfect amount of light. Moldy Wart noticed that her skin was perfectly clear and pale and that her eyes were dazzling in this light (today they were a mixture of green, blue, and violet). He loved her more than he loved his soul. _

"Which doesn't say much," Harry pointed out, "Since he severed his soul into pieces and stuck them into random objects for me to find." Everyone stared blankly at Harry and he blushed. "Whoops, I don't think I was supposed to say that," Harry chuckled in embarrassment.

Remus sighed and buried his face in his hands. What would he do with that kid?

"_So you admit that my skills are far greater than Potter's?" Moldy Wart asked in a smooth voice. _("Eww, weird mental image…") _Acacya then remembered her goal and stood firmly. _

"_HaRrYE has a first name you know. It'S Harry." _

"Oh goodness," Luna tutted and shook her head in annoyance. "That's just pathetic."

No one dared to ask what was so pathetic. They didn't want to know.

"_And I do not admit that you are better than hIM either." Acacya paused and then giggled flirtatiously. "I haven't even hooKEd up with you yet." And she winked. _

"Merlin's nostril hair!" Ron yelped and covered his ears with his hands. Hermione wasn't sure if she should reprimand him for using Merlin's name in vain or to follow suit and block out her hearing.

"She wouldn't actually do it, would she?" Dean whimpered.

"Do we have any evidence convincing us otherwise?" Remus snapped in annoyance, the werewolf in him coming out ever so slightly.

"As long as it's not me," Harry decided firmly, shrugging his shoulders as if he didn't care. Everyone shook their heads sadly at him.

While this was going on, Luna was skipping through chapters rather rapidly.

_Acacya looked across the Room at Moldie who was sleeping on her new bed. She felt a little bad for being disloyal to Harry with his archnemesis, but she knew that if HaRRY knew Moldie like she did then he wouldn't mind so much. _("I have to say that I would mind very much if I knew him the way that you do _now_," Harry pointed out with a painful shudder.)

_Acacya knew he was a sweet but delusional man and had to find a way to get away from him. She needed a new plan. _

"She's needed a plan for two whole chapters now," Ginny sighed sarcastically.

Before anyone could add anything else to this statement however, they heard a noise that horrified them.

Someone was giggling in a high-pitched voice.

Everyone immediately began to shake and whip their heads around looking for the noise. The sound was so terrible that it brought Draco out of his comatose state, gasping and spluttering back into consciousness.

"What the bloody hell is that noise?" he barked as he sat straight up and began to rub his head tenderly.

"I think it's coming from…" Hermione began to explain but stopped short before she said it.

"From Neville?" Remus finished for her, looking horrified. Everyone looked towards Neville's still figure and saw that though his eyes were still shut his mouth was now moving.

"Like, what's going on guys? Don't you just luv my story?/?" a clearly feminine voice giggled, definitely different from Neville's normal voice.

"He's channeling her!" Ron squeaked and nearly collapsed to the floor.

Hermione stared at Neville, her eyes wide. "That's impossible," she whispered softly. "It's just not possible…"

"It's been known to happen," Remus corrected and he sat down on a chair, staring at Neville in terror.

"What do we do now?" Ginny wondered, her face pale and her skin feeling clammy. Her stomach was reeling rather uncomfortably and she was leaning against a table for support.

"Like, talk about how beautiful and gorgeous I am11!1!!" Neville-Acacya chirped cheerfully.

"I say that we gag him," Harry decided and took off his school robes to reveal his normal clothing underneath. "She'll be happy that it's my robes," he added with a grimace and moved forward and quickly gagged Neville-Acacya.

**A/N: I know, not the best spot to end it on but… just promise not to torch me. :) Reviews please? **


	28. Not a Knight In Shining Armor

**A/N: Sorry it took me a while to update this time. I was absolutely cornered and attacked in school these last few weeks as far as work goes. Luckily I managed to find a bit of free time and wrote this installment. **

**Kind of like I used an idea from a reviewer last time, this also applies for this chapter. This chapter's Dumbledore inspiration came from OrbThesela, who has been reviewing faithfully and offered this little plot point… So thanks dear! **

**Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter**

Neville-Acacya was successfully gagged and was silent once more. The rest of the people in the room visibly sagged in relief.

"Okay," Harry sighed as he sat back down, "Normally I would try to prolong this moment for as long as possible but I think we can all agree that the situation just got incredibly scary and that we need to get through this as soon as possible."

"Definitely," Ron seconded and ran a hand through his hair nervously. "Who's supposed to read now?" he wondered.

And suddenly the realization hit Hermione like a truck headed full speed toward her. "Fred and George," she moaned and buried her face in her hands. "It's their turn."

This information took a moment to process before people also began to panic as Hermione had.

"They can't read this…" Ron protested, "Fred isn't nearly stable enough for that kind of activity."

"Yeah, I think we noticed," Seamus replied dryly from his spot on the floor.

"Well, maybe someone else should just read," Ginny suggested, cracking her knuckles nervously.

"That would mean it's Harry's turn," Hermione spoke up immediately. To keep her sanity, she had taken to keeping track of who needed to read when with careful detail as to who needed to read two chapters and so on.

Harry swore but walked over to the book anyway. "Fred and George owe me one," he muttered darkly and reached over to pick up the pink monstrosity. When his fingers grasped hold of the binding however, he was in for a shock (quite literally). A strong electric shock flew through the book and up Harry's fingertips, causing him to step backwards rapidly and nearly fall into Ron.

"What happened?" Remus yelped as he jumped up to steady Harry, much to the relief of Ron.

"It zapped me!" Harry cried and began to nurse his singed fingertips. Meanwhile, his adrenaline was rushing so rapidly that he could hardly focus on Remus's face in front of him.

"Oh, poor Harry," a voice cooed from a couch. "I'm so sorry but it's not your turn. Let me kiss the burn marks." This only caused Harry to jump even higher than when he was shocked and he whirled to face Neville-Acacya.

Neville-Acacya's face was turned toward him and the gag made from Harry's robes was missing.

"Where did the gag go?" Dean wondered as he took a precautionary scoot away from Neville-Acacya's couch.

"Your robes are back on, Harry!" Ginny gasped as she stared up at Harry's shoulders in surprise.

Harry looked down at his attire with a bewildered expression. His mouth opened and closed a few times, as though he wanted to say something but had no idea what to say.

"Why would you put those back on?" Draco asked. "I mean, I realize you may be fond of Longbottom but having his spit on your clothes is taking your obsession is a bit far."

"I see you're feeling better," Ron snapped, pulling his robes up higher on his neck to conceal the beginnings of bruise marks on his neck from Draco's beating.

"I didn't put them back on," Harry finally gasped.

"Lyke, I did for you, sillyhead!" Neville-Acacya explained and twittered. "You lookd so cold w/o them!2!"

"Oh no," Remus groaned and buried his head in his hands.

"Bitch," Seamus muttered under his breath and scowled.

"Let's just try to ignore her," Harry suggested weakly and sat back down on his seat. "If we can't gag her we'll just have to try and stand it."

"But for how long? We can't keep reading the book without Fred and George!" Ginny exclaimed, once more cracking her knuckles.

"Well, we don't have a choice but to bring Fred and George out here," Remus said reasonably. "Or at least George. Maybe we can get away with just one of them reading this time and someone else can keep watch of Fred."

"I don't know if that would work," Hermione pointed out, "The book is very specific about who reads it."

Neville-Acacya was surprisingly silent throughout the interaction.

"We have to try," Remus argued. "I haven't been trapped in here nearly as long as you lot have been and I'm dying to get away from here. If we don't try we'll never get anywhere."

Hermione sighed but had no counter argument for this.

"I'll go get George?" Ron asked, volunteering himself to break the horrible news. Without waiting for an answer, Ron began to trudge up the staircase.

"I think my hand has gone numb," Harry suddenly muttered, poking the hand that the book had shocked.

"That's wonderful, Harry," Remus replied, not really paying attention as he was thinking carefully about their situation. Harry scowled at him but continued poking his hand out of a lack of something better to do.

At this moment, a shock of red hair came down the staircase as George entered the room. "Ron said I was needed?" George asked wearily, but with a familiar smirk on his face. He hadn't changed too much. "Let's get this bitch of a chapter over with."

Hermione gasped loudly but no one else paid any attention to George's outburst.

George took a seat in the chair and snatched up the book.

"Lyke, hi Freddie!" Acacya-Neville chirped from the couch. George jumped about three feet out of the chair.

"What in the—" George began before Hermione cut him off to explain the sudden girliness of Neville.

"Acacya is possessing Neville, who is in a coma after reading about the sex fantasies of Lord Moldy Wart. We can't gag her because she has powers that let her get rid of whatever she wants," she said very matter-of-factly.

George stared at her for a moment before nodding. "Oh. Okay then." After this he began to read aloud.

_Harry paced the length of his and Acacya's room, furiously thinking of something to do. _

"_I think I know where he would take her," Draco sighed, "But they won't let me in since I'm a traitor." _

_Harry groaned sexily. "That doesn't help mUcH." _

"_Is it easy to sneak into?" Ron asked. A lightbulb appeared over Draco's head. _

"_Of course! There's a back door that isn't ever guarded! And we can apparate straight there!" _

"_Brilliant!" Harry shouted and immediately zapped over. _

"This would be hard, seeing as how Harry and Ron have never been there before," Ginny said blandly.

"Harry would be missing an arm, if this was reality," Dean added.

Harry sulked. He didn't understand why they chose to judge his apparating skills so early in his apparation career.

_The others soon zapped after him _("I think the term 'zapped' should be insulting…") _and took off running towards the building. _

"_Is this the one?" Harry barked at Draco. Draco nodded as he sprinted at Harry's left side. _

"_I would recognize it in a moment," he promised and his gray eyes glinted sexily off the light of the moon. _

"_Let's take care of the trash," Ron growled and caught stride with Harry and Draco. _("Oh, where's Ron when you need him?" George laughed.)

_The three boys burst through the back door, only to be met by thousands of Bunny Eaters. _("I'm not sure there were ever _thousands_ of Death Eaters to begin with…" "Uh, Ginny, those are Bunny Eaters you're talking about." "Oh... right.") _Harry's face twisted into a snarl as he began to fire spells at them left and right. A fierce battle cry ripped from his throat as he screamed Acacya's name again and again. _

At this moment, a strange whirring noise was going on close to the wall by Ginny's head. She jumped to her feet in alarm and her older brother quickly abandoned the book to pull her away, looking fearful.

"What's going on?!" Harry yelped as he too jumped to his feet and inched away from the wall.

"It's Acacya!" Seamus hollered and went to duck into the fireplace.

"Acacya is already here, you twit," Dean snapped with a roll of his eyes and gestured to Neville-Acacya on the couch.

"Oh…" Seamus realized but still crouched near the fireplace, ready to dive in if need be.

Remus's eyes squinted and he suddenly proclaimed, "The wall is moving! It's a passageway!" Everyone gasped in surprise and their fear suddenly turned into a wild hope.

Gradually, the gap in the wall grew larger and larger until…

"Professor Dumbledore!" Hermione squealed and flew up from her seat to rush at her Headmaster and hug him firmly around the waist. "Thank Merlin you're here!"

"Why, Miss Granger!" Dumbledore cried, surprised. "Am I in the Gryffindor Common Room? There really _is _a passageway to everything in the castle…"

"Professor," Harry nearly squeaked and came to a safe distance. "You have to help us!"

"What ever is the matter?" he asked and tried to gently pry Hermione away from him. Sadly, she wasn't ready to let go just yet so he left her alone. "Remus?" he asked, seeing his ex-colleague in the room for the first time. "What are you doing here?"

"Ah," Remus began, looking around the room. "It appears that Harry has come across a bewitched book. I know it sounds crazy, but there's someone called a Mary-Sue living inside of it and she's driving us all mad." His sheepish grin showed Dumbledore how embarrassed he was to admit something like this.

"She's locked the doors so we can't escape until we finish reading the book," Harry added quickly, his eyes appeared to tear up from exhaustion.

Dumbledore stared around the room in bewilderment, not even bothering to ask why a Ravenclaw and a Slytherin were in the Gryffindor Common Room. But the word Mary-Sue caught his attention and filled him with fear. If something as powerful as what they were describing got loose, she would be bound to take the whole castle. He couldn't let himself be exposed.

Dumbledore could still remember his first encounter with his own Mary-Sue. He'd nearly killed himself bringing her to an end before she took over the world with her disgusting sweetness.

"Well, that is a problem," Dumbledore gasped and forced Hermione away from him. "I really should be leaving now."

"Albus!" Remus cried in horror, his eyes wide in terror. "You can't be serious! There's a boy in a coma here and a boy upstairs that may possibly need a Muggle exorcist!"

"I'll see you lot later for tea then, yes?" Dumbledore stuttered and quickly backed into the entryway to his new secret passage. "Have fun." And with that the passageway snapped shut.

"Well, fuck!" Hermione shrieked and collapsed to the floor. "Not even Dumbledore will help us!"

"Hermione!" Harry, Ron, and George gasped in unison.

"What are we going to do now?" Ginny wailed as she too collapsed to the ground next to Hermione. "We can't possibly make it through the rest of the book!"

"We have to," Draco whispered, having the decency to also look as terrified as the others. "We don't have a bloody choice. Should have known that Dumbledore wasn't powerful enough to put an end to this madness."

"Don't you talk about Dumbledore like that!" Harry nearly roared, although his own bitterness possibly was greater than Draco's.

Remus didn't even have the strength to tell the two boys to knock it off. He just sunk weakly back into his chair and buried his face in his hands, a defeated gesture.

Everything seemed to be lost.

**A/N: Please review? **


	29. Threesomes and Truth

**A/N: So, I'm back again! I am on summer break so therefore I will be able to update a whole lot more. Yay? :) Anyway, hopefully this story will be wrapped up soon. I realized that we're almost at 30 chapters (feels kinda guilty). This is most definitely my longest and craziest story ever. Speaking of which, I now have over 300 reviews! I've decided I would alert y'all whenever I reach a crazy amount of reviews from now on. ;) Thank you so much. I have never had this many reviews for any of my stories.**

**Anyhow, I wanted to mention this. I read back on some of the early chapters and decided that once I officially finish this story I'm going to go back and edit a bit. Just thought I would mention it in case anyone would be interested. ;) Not that anyone probably is…**

**Okay, so Acacya is poking me with a cattle prod so I better start the story already and stop prattling about stuff that no one will probably read. ;) So, on with the story. **

**Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter. **

"Should I keep reading then?" George asked wearily, picking up the book he had dropped in the excitement of the appearance of Dumbledore.

"Oh, what's the point?" Hermione snapped, flopping down on her abandoned seat on the floor. "If even Dumbledore can't help you then it's time to abandon all hope."

"Hermione!" Ron gasped, genuinely surprised. Hermione wasn't one to give up so easily.

Draco lifted his head back up out of his hands (where he had put it in order to try and block out the memories of the traumas the book secretly caused him) and gave Hermione an odd look. "For once, the Mudblood has a point." He shrugged. "We can't beat this bloody book so why bother?"

Seamus and Dean were oddly quiet while Luna stared at the floor in defeat. Even Remus and Ginny were staring up at the ceiling but nodding in agreement.

Harry, however, looked pale and shocked. "Give up?" he asked weakly. He looked at each of his friends (avoiding his blonde nemesis) and shook his head. "We can't give up."

"But what can we do Harry?" Ginny moaned, turning to look at him. "We've been reading this book for nearly two days and we're only barely half way through! We won't finish it anytime soon and our one means of escape just abandoned us!"

"Listen," Harry began firmly, "We can't give up now. I've gone through too many tortures of the mind to just turn back now. Fred is up there in convulsions. Neville is in a coma and is possessed by the devil woman who wrote this book." There came a giggle from Neville-Acacya at this and some kind of squealed response that no one really listened to. "We can't let her beat us. We can't let her win. For the good of the school and for the good of the Wizarding World we have to keep trying."

There was a moment of silence.

"Harry, you're a bloody loon," Hermione snapped. "You're not making any sense. I'm tired of putting up with this crap." Tears sprang into the back of Hermione's eyes as she spoke. "I mean, all we do all day is read and torture ourselves and read and torture ourselves and read and torture ourselves and read and torture ourselves some more. Insanity is defined as doing the same thing over and over again but expecting a different result! I mean, how can you honestly expect us to keep reading just so that you feel better about it? That's bloody selfish Harry. We just need to sit and wait for this curse to wear off and everything will be—"

Ginny stood up and slapped Hermione straight across the face with as much strength needed so that it wouldn't hurt the girl but snap her out of her state.

Hermione stared at Ginny, comprehending the action and the forming red mark on her cheek. The room waited in tense silence, waiting for her response. Finally, she released her held breath and gave a shaky smile. "I needed that." She promptly began to cry, shoulders shaking. "I'm sorry everyone. I'm just so _tired_!"

"Why don't you go sit in a different room for a little while," Remus suggested calmly, handing her some chocolate and ushering her up the stone staircase. "You come down when you think you're ready."

"Thank you," Hermione replied and she disappeared up the staircase.

"Like, isn't she so gross?" Neville-Acacya squealed as soon as Hermione was gone. "I mean, her makeup will be extra gross now and she'll look all grosser than usual. Ew."

Ron sighed and threw a pillow on Neville-Acacya's face. "I say we smother them. Put both Neville and us out of our misery."

"Ron!" Dean protested with a glare, pulling the pillow away. Ron glowered but didn't try to pull another stunt like that again.

"Read away George," Harry instructed, resigning himself to a chapter of torture.

George nodded in agreement and opened to the page he left off on.

_The Bunny Eaters shrank away from Harry's fierceness, begging for mercy. _

"_Please, don't hurt us! We'll take you to Acacya!" the Bunny Eaters pleaded and bargained. _

"_I don't need you sacks of worthlessness to tell me where Acacya is," Harry snarled and began to pick them all off even though they surrendered. "I just have to follow my heart and it will point the way." _

_The Bunny Eaters shrieked and ran away in great numbers, and Harry was tempted to follow of them and kill them slowly. _("Who knew you had this big of a lust for blood?" Ginny teased.)

_However, Harry remembered that he had to find Acacya and rescue her from this dreadful place. So he flew past his friends and ran up various staircases until he found the cell that he knew was hers. It was a room he noticed, but he didn't care. He just wanted to see his beloved again. _

_He yanked the door open, pulling the hinges off with nothing but brute strength. But when he looked in he saw a sight that made his stomach crawl with anger. Acacya was kissing Lord Moldy Wart. _("Oh Merlin… that is so _gross_!")

"_Lord Moldy Wart! Get away from her!" Harry demanded, his eyes flaming with anger. Acacya broke away from the Moldy Wart and saw her Harry and nearly cried. _

"_Harry! My love!" she cried and flew into his arms, crying. "You came just in time." Harry could feel her terror as she trembled in his arms and his anger grew even greater. _

"_I will kill you, Lord Moldy Wart," he vowed, drawing his wand. "I will kill you for laying a finger on her." _

_Lord Moldy Wart drew himself up to his full height, approaching Harry stealthily. _

"_She loves me, Harry. She said so herself. She is MINE," Lord Moldy Wart insisted. Acacya gave a strangled cry. _

_She looked up at Harry and her hair floated around her as he crystal pink/brown/green eyes stared into his brilliant blue ones. _

"_I said it… but I only said it try and get away. I didn't mean it!" she sobbed and hugged Harry tightly to her. "I love you Harry. Nothing can change that." _

_Harry looked down and noticed Acacya's small clothing and a small smile crept over his features. He leaned down and kissed Acacya so fiercely that both of them forgot all about Lord Moldy Wart in the room with them. _

"Merlin, only _she_ would want to put a sex scene in there right now," George grumbled as he flipped forward a few pages. And he made a face. "Ew, I thought Harry wanted to _kill_ him…"

This sent Harry into shock. His face was pale and green and he stared vacantly at the wall in front of him. Finally, his eyes rolled back into his head and he fell backwards, hitting his head against the couch leg behind him.

"Someone fan him a bit," Remus sighed and sent a glare to George. "You really had to let that slip, didn't you?"

George shrugged. "I have to make this entertaining for _me_ somehow." Remus nodded once, seeming to agree.

"I'll have the chocolate ready for when he wakes up."

Suddenly, at this moment, Hermione came sprinting down the stairs. Her eyes were wide and she had the look on her face like she just discovered something incredibly important through research. Ron grinned at the sight. She was back to her old self.

"Guys! I figured it out! It's so _obvious_!" Hermione shouted, nearly breathless. She paused at the bottom of the steps to regain her breath and noticed that Harry was passed out. "What happened? Wait, do I even want to know? Never mind," she said with a roll of her eyes, barely pausing.

"What did you figure out, Hermione?" Remus asked calmly, frowning a little in puzzlement.

"Everything. I figured it all out. Oh, it's so _simple_!" she gushed and came to stand next to George in front of all her friends.

"You keep saying that but don't explain anything," Draco pointed out irritably. "If you figured out a way to get us out of this bloody mess, please tell!" No one dared to point out that he was actually asking help from someone he considered beneath himself.

"I went up to my room and saw a book out on my bed," Hermione began quickly. "It was a book that Fred and George gave to me for Christmas recently as a joke. It was a book on pranks and all of a sudden I got to wondering. What if this Mary-Sue thing isn't really real at all, but just a prank?"

"The Slytherins had nothing to do with it," Draco began to defend his House. Hermione quickly waved that away.

"This would be something more advanced than a student could accomplish," she dismissed and began to launch into her explanation again. "So I began to wonder, hypothetically, who would want to sabotage Harry and drive him literally insane? Make him suicidal."

Remus's eyes began to light up. "You're not suggesting…"

"Oh, I'm suggesting," Hermione confirmed with a devilish smirk.

"What are you suggesting?" Neville-Acacya asked innocently. "You don't think I'm real?"

"I think that Acacya is real, but not in the way we're thinking," Hermione continued on, ignoring Neville-Acacya. "I think this book is straight from You-Know-Who himself!"

"But how would he have gotten it into the school library?" Ron asked, frowning a little in skepticism.

"Well, it wouldn't be hard," Ginny countered. "A parent dropping by perhaps…" She shot a look toward Draco secretly. "A minion coming in disguise to the library."

"Exactly," Hermione agreed, nodding her head.

"But what would this accomplish?" Seamus wondered aloud.

"It would drive Harry insane," Remus filled in. "It would possibly even cause him to take his own life, making it a hell of a lot easier to kill him."

"Lyke, that's ridiculous guys," Neville-Acacya argued. "I'm real."

Hermione looked over for the first time and smirked. "Oh yeah? Then how do you explain the fact that Mary-Sues are created by crazy authoresses, most of whom make up fake names like PrettySprinklesSparklesRainbow? How do you explain that you're just a character in a book that anyone could have created?" she asked with her eyebrows raised.

"You're ugly!" Neville-Acacya screeched.

Suddenly, Draco's head snapped up from where he had been hiding it again. His eyes narrowed down as he stared at Neville-Acacya. "Her voice almost sounded familiar there for a second."

Harry awakened, looking around the room in a daze. "Did I hear Hermione relaying information?"

Hermione began to paraphrase what she had concluded with excited hand gestures, but neither Draco nor Remus were paying attention. Draco was staring at Neville-Acacya in wonder and Remus was trying to listen to him to see where he was going with this sudden exclamation.

"I know who PrettySprinklesSparklesRainbow is!" Draco cried, leaping to his feet. "I know who she is!"

**A/N: Cliffie! :) I'm happy to take guesses as to who people think is behind PrettySprinklesSparklesRainbow and Acacya. And just as a hint, it may not have anything to do with Lord Voldemort like Hermione guessed. Hermione isn't **_**always**_** right after all. ;) **

**Please review? Only a few chapters left!**

**And I'm so sorry about the shortness of the chapter. :( **


	30. It's Over

**A/N: So, only about one more chapter after this one. :( It had to happen at some point. But since it's still a chapter or so away, I'll save all of my mushy writer good-byes and stuff for that one. ;) **

**Anyway, I got some really amazing guesses about who in the Harry Potter universe **_**PrettySprinklesSparklesRainbow**_** could be. In fact, if I hadn't already set out who it would be since chapter one, I would have gone with some of these ideas. You guys are awesome at guessing. :) But yes, the authoress will be revealed in this chapter. **

**So, without any further ado…**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter and am not making any sort of profit. **

"_What_!" Hermione exclaimed, pausing in midsentence of her explanation to Harry to stare dumbly at Draco. "You know who she is?"

Apparently, Harry had heard enough to get an idea as to what was going on. And he looked entirely shocked. "So, you're saying that whoever this mental authoress is, she's really some loony trying to get me to kill myself?"

"Yeah, basically," Ron agreed from the side.

"And Malfoy knows who it is," Harry continued with a frown.

Remus nodded. "It appears to be so."

Harry stared at Draco for a moment, unsure of how to proceed. It wasn't often that he had to ask a _Malfoy_ to give him the answer to something. Finally, though, he reached a decision. "Well, are you going to tell us or not?" He had no choice.

Draco appeared unruffled and was solely focused on Neville-Acacya on the couch. He had no intention of following orders from Harry, he was going to reveal the culprit because _he_ wanted to.

"Draco, stay out of this!" Acacya-Neville exclaimed, and it seemed that her voice had a truly threatening edge to it, although the tone was still high pitched and lovely.

"No," Draco replied defiantly. "Enough is enough. You better get the bloody hell out here and face us like the witch that I thought you were."

"Well, at least she's really a girl," Hermione whispered to Ginny, who couldn't help but laugh a nervous laugh.

"Unless you're too _afraid_ of us," Draco suggested casually. "Which would really be rather pathetic. We're all just students at a mediocre school after all."

Harry leaned forward as if to attack Draco for saying something like that about Hogwarts, but restrained himself just in time.

"Oh, that's a childish thought Draco," Neville-Acacya retorted. "I'm just following _orders_ by remaining hidden."

"Whatever," Draco replied with sarcasm. "I bet you're just too scare that little boy Potter is going to take you out as soon as he sees you. Some Aunt you are! You're supposed to be a feared figure!"

"Quiet, Draco!" Neville-Acacya nearly screamed. But sure enough, a figure materialized right in front of them. The entire room gasped as none other than Bellatrix Lestrange appeared in the Gryffindor Common Room. Granted, she was nothing more than an image of herself projected in front of them. But it was enough to strike anger and terror into the hearts of all but Draco Malfoy.

"What the hell!" Draco nearly shouted, looking absolutely livid. "Why in Merlin's name would you write some of those things about me? You're supposed to be _family_, not an incest fiend!"

"Oh please," Bellatrix rolled her eyes. "You need a good scaring every now and then. You're a worthless little worm."

"Love you too," Draco muttered with a dark look at his Aunt.

"_You're_ PrettySprinklesSparklesRainbow?" Ginny gasped in surprise. Hermione, standing next to her, didn't seem as surprised as everyone else. She had been on the right track after all, Bellatrix worked for Voldemort.

"You say it with such surprise," Bellatrix sneered.

"Well, no offense," George started off, staring at the Death Eater oddly. "But that book didn't seem like you at all."

"That was the whole point," Bellatrix sniffed. "My Lord gave me such a great and dangerous task by creating this book as a trap for Potter. It didn't matter that writing the book hurt me in ways I could never express. It was for Lord Voldemort and that was all that mattered."

"You're crazy," Ron muttered, glaring darkly at her.

"You've just now figured this?" Hermione whispered back to him, rolling her eyes.

Harry, on the other hand, was frozen with shock. He stared at the Death Eater who he had last seen kill his godfather with uncomprehending eyes. Of course it was her. How could he have not seen it? And the more he realized that Bellatrix, of all people, was behind this the angrier he became.

"_You_!" he muttered dangerously, and stared at Bellatrix angrily.

"I'm glad you've got that sorted out, Potter. Everyone else in the room caught on quicker," Bellatrix sneered sarcastically. It was when she noticed how he glared at her with utter hatred that she put the pieces together. "Ah, still angry with me then?" she crooned. "How have you been since sweet little Sirius passed on?"

Harry didn't even think twice about it. Despite his understanding that Bellatrix wasn't actually in the room, it was just an image of her standing before him, he launched himself forward as if to hex her into oblivion. Luckily, Remus thought quickly and restrained the younger boy so that he couldn't make an idiot out of himself.

"Harry, that's not really Bellatrix. If you try to hex her, you'll just end up hitting someone else with it!" Remus explained as calmly as he could, hoping it would get through to Harry. His arms started to ache with the effort of keeping Harry in the same spot.

Finally, after a long moment, Harry relaxed and moved away from the image of Bellatrix. He still looked angrier than anyone had ever seen him though, and he only moved a few feet away from the projected image. Harry still glared at Bellatrix all the same.

"How'd you do it?" Hermione choked out, overwhelmed by her need for knowledge. She was dying to know how the "joke" was accomplished.

"Like any of you could understand the great workings of my Lord's mind," Bellatrix hissed, forgetting about torturing Potter and focusing her attention on the rest of the children.

"Try us," George suggested dryly, unable to believe that he should be so close to a Death Eater but not be able to do anything about it.

Bellatrix sneered at him but began a brief explanation anyway. "It's incredibly easy. I wrote the book and charmed it that whoever should open it would be trapped in the room they opened it in and forced to finish the book." She glanced at all of the other students. "We really only counted on three readers, so I had to do some _adjusting_."

"How did you do that?" Ginny barked, looking surprised.

"I have total control over the book. I can see it from where I am and see each and every one of you. Acacya is my puppet." Bellatrix sighed impatiently. "I knew the genius of the plan would be lost on each and every one of you."

"No, we get it," Harry growled. "We're just overwhelmed by how sick and wrong that is."

"Did He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named run out of ideas?" George snorted. "This plan is ridiculous."

Dean and Seamus remained unusually quiet. They weren't a part of this weird event. Besides, they didn't want to insult the Dark Lord in case they ended up with the Dark Mark above their parents' houses.

"You dare to insult my Lord?" Bellatrix hissed. "His plan was not ridiculous. It was genius. It worked, didn't it?"

No one could disagree with that logic. The book certainly had nearly caused Harry to jump out of the Astronomy Tower and if left in the same proximity of it for much longer, the others would have cheerfully joined him.

"So, now that you know who I am and what I'm up to," Bellatrix continued, "We can continue on. There's nothing you could possibly do to stop me." She cackled and sneered at the children.

No one noticed Remus muttering something into his wand and glancing at Bellatrix anxiously. In fact, everyone practically forgot that there was an Order of the Phoenix member in the room with them at all. Everyone was too wrapped up in the terror of the Death Eater to think of anything else.

Hermione was looking horrified and pale, Ron was getting a little green with the thought of never escaping this nightmare, and Harry was starting to tear up (despite his attempts to conceal this). Draco was trying to appear unconcerned but his face looked rather more pinched than usual. Ginny was growing red with anger and frustration, as was George. Seamus and Dean were stoic looking, although really they were just numb from shock. Luna simply clutched onto Neville's hand and stared at Bellatrix through frightened eyes.

So yes, Remus was the least of everyone's concerns.

"Start reading out loud again. Or you'll never get out of here ever again," Bellatrix encouraged, grinning from ear-to-ear.

Just as she was continuing with her gloating though, Remus's wand shot a flash of light, suggesting he had just cast a spell. The light landed squarely on the pink book and set it on fire. Everyone jumped away from it and stared at it in shock. No one could quite figure out what caused the book to spontaneously combust, until Remus started to speak.

"Abandon the book or burn up," Remus commanded, eyes glinting in triumph at his successful plan. "I know that you're inside of it, just like Acacya."

Bellatrix's face fell as she stared at the flames engulfing the book. A book that she was currently a part of. Despite all of her careful planning, Bellatrix only had one option. And it was on option that would probably kill her. She was forced to materialize in the room with the children, the only place that the book could possibly let her go.

There came an unearthly silence as all of the people in the room stared blankly at each other. And then, the realization of having the cause of all the misery that had occurred in the last 48 hours was made in the same room as them, unprotected, sunk in. Bellatrix didn't even have time to react.

It took a matter of fifteen seconds. Bellatrix was successfully stunned, bound, and knocked unconscious. With a few hefty kicks to her side and shins (even Draco had to join in. Family or not, his Aunt put him through hell) and some unnecessary hexing out of the way (imagine how frustrated Bellatrix would be to awaken with boils on her face but no hands free to scratch them), the students began to think of a way to release the spell that held them captive in the room.

"Well, Acacya is sort of real," Hermione reasoned. "She's the power behind the book. If we could somehow…"

"Um, Hermione," Remus interrupted her and pointed at the pink book. "The book is on fire. I think that'll kill whatever was inside there."

Sure enough, tiny screams of pain could be heard coming from the book.

"Oh. Makes sense," Hermione concluded. She couldn't help but frown though. "It's not quite as dramatic or complicated as I though it would be. But I guess we should just take what we get."

"Does that mean…" Ginny started to say and then turned to look at Neville. Instantly, everyone jumped up and flocked around Neville's body, shaking him and trying to make him wake up.

He did. "Whas' going on?" Neville asked blearily, eyes opening and closing slowly. "What's the matter?"

"You don't remember?" Ron asked, heaving a sigh of relief.

"I remember passing out. But I don't remember anything else," Neville answered, looking more alert. "What did I miss?"

"Nothing that you can't live without knowing," Remus said with a relieved laugh. "Here's some chocolate, you should eat it." Neville took the offered chocolate with relief.

"Good timing, I'm feeling incredibly depressed for some reason," Neville thanked him, digging into his chocolate bar eagerly. No one had the heart to explain this depression. He would be a better man for it.

"I'll go check on Fred," George said and he bounded up the stairs.

"While he's doing that, I'll open the Portrait hole," Harry volunteered and he dashed over to the entrance. Once there, Harry couldn't help but pause and think about whether he should try or not. If it didn't open, all of their hopes would be gone. But Harry knew he had to try. He tentatively reached out and pulled on the wood frame, feeling incredible surprise, disbelief, and mad glee when the Portrait swung open without a hitch.

"We're saved!" Seamus hollered and took off into the corridor, running and screaming like a madman. Everyone just let him go, knowing that they couldn't do anything to stop him.

"Fred's okay!" George announced, catching everyone's attention back as he bounded back down the steps, his twin brother in tow. "He's back to normal."

Fred staggered down the steps and stared longingly at Remus. "Chocolate. Now." That was all the redhead had to utter and Remus already had an unwrapped candy bar pressed into Fred's hand. "Thanks."

"Let's go kick Dumbledore's ass," Draco suggested as he too stepped out into the corridor.

"Wait!" Hermione cried as she was leaning over the burning book with a little too much intensity. "It's almost done burning."

Everyone else flocked to the book as well, Harry pushing to get a really spectacular view, to watch its final flames engulf the pink monstrosity. The orange flames flickered and everyone witnessed last pink sequin melting into the fire.

And when the last sequin was gone, there came an unearthly shriek from the book. "Harry!11!" it screamed with its final breath. Harry didn't flinch as the book screamed his name in agony, he just watched Acacya die without a blink of his eye. The ashes swirled around as the fire went out, and then settled back into their places. All life was gone from them.

There came another silence as everyone stared at the ashes, unable to truly believe it. No one cheered or celebrated, they had learned their lesson from that. They didn't want to have any false hope in case it was just a trick like last time. But everyone knew it was time to leave.

"Remind me never to do a favor for Molly Weasley ever again," Remus muttered darkly shaking his head at what was left of the book and sighing heavily. Then he turned toward the children. "All right, let's get out of here before the Portrait seals itself again." The thought of this reoccurring was enough to make everyone hustle toward the empty corridor (Dean was hoping to see Seamus somewhere and he found him a little ways up, passed out on the floor). Once out in the open and past the room of torture, everyone began to smile and laugh, feeling lighthearted for the first time in two days.

Not everyone was so relieved.

Harry stopped and looked back into the Common Room, staring blankly. Ron and Hermione noticed and stopped next to him and also looked back. They both saw the hollowness to Harry's gaze and Ron clapped a hand to Harry's shoulder.

"Come on, mate," Ron said softly, "It's over."

Harry blinked, hardly registering Ron's words. "It's over?"

Hermione nodded next to him and put a hand on Harry's other shoulder. "Let's go catch up with Remus and the others, Harry." Harry nodded numbly, muttering.

"It's over."

**A/N: So there we have it, Miss Bellatrix Lestrange was behind the horrors of the book. Hopefully this chapter didn't disappoint. :)**

**Anyway, there's one more chapter after this. You could call it an Epilogue I suppose. Or you could call it a typical ending to a B Horror movie. ;) **

**Please review!**


	31. Epilogue

**A/N: So, this is the official last chapter. (tear) I just want to thank everyone who ever reviewed ever. All of the reviews were so sweet and were all helpful to me in some way. Really, without all of the reviews I probably would have discontinued this story early on. :) So thank you. **

**Acacya was a terrifying character to write for, but I have to say that she's become a part of my routine. So, in honor of the girl that I (and the students locked in the Gryffindor Common Room) love to hate, I just want to say (in all seriousness): Acacya, lyke, so ttly rcks!!1! It's 2 bad I had to kiLl her off in teh end. **

**(ahem) Okay, I'm back to normal again. So, without much further ado…**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter.**

Epilogue

"Will they be alright Albus?" Professor McGonagall whispered worriedly to the Headmaster of the school, looking warily at the students all lying in beds in the Hospital Wing.

Albus nodded, smiling reassuringly. "They will be fine once the memory wiping spell wears off and they awaken. They won't remember anything about the book or the Mary-Sue or even Bellatrix Lestrange being at the school."

"Oh, I hope so," she replied. "I would hate for them to have to remember that experience for the rest of their lives. It is something that no one should have to bear."

"Yes, and most of these children already bear so much," Dumbledore agreed, thinking of three certain friends. "Luckily, Bellatrix has been sent straight to Azkaban and Lord Voldemort wouldn't dare try this sort of thing again. Not with the extra security that we're installing in the Library." Dumbledore could still see the worried expression on his companion's face. "Now, now Minerva. It's all over now and there's nothing to worry about."

"Yes, yes," McGonagall admitted, smiling a little in relief.

At this moment, Severus Snape came through the doors and walked steadily towards Dumbledore, eyes flicking around the room with little thought. "You sent for me, sir?" he asked politely when he reached the Headmaster, looking at the students with interested eyes.

"Yes," Dumbledore answered. "I was going to ask you and Minerva if you would be so kind as to go into the Common Room and remove the ashes of _the book_. Remus told me that you would find them on the large reading chair."

"What should we do with them?" McGonagall asked.

"Dispose of them any way you like," Dumbledore instructed. "Just make sure that they get out of this school as soon as possible."

"Yes, sir," Snape agreed. He then turned to McGonagall and waited for her to come with him with barely concealed impatience. He wanted to return to his lesson planning as soon as possible.

"Were you not going to come?" McGonagall asked Dumbledore, ignoring Snape's readiness to leave.

"No, I was going to stay here in case some of the wake up, to tell them the story that we made up for them," Dumbledore explained with a small amount of uneasiness. He hoped to Merlin that his two trusted colleagues wouldn't pick up on this odd tone in his voice.

"Of course," McGonagall agreed and smiled. She then turned and walked toward the Hospital Wing exit, eager to finish this job quickly. Snape followed her.

Once inside of the Common Room, and after temporarily removing the rope that was keeping the Gryffindor students from the scene, the two teachers began to hunt for the ashes. They couldn't seem to find the small pile of ash that was supposed to be on one of the chairs.

"He did say they were on a chair?" McGonagall asked of Snape, hunting on the floor now.

"Yes," Snape snapped. "The only thing I can find on a chair though is this disgusting book," he said with extreme disgust. "Who would want to read a book that is so pink and frilly?"

"It would explain why they left it here though," McGonagall answered, standing up to look at the book as well. "I wonder what it's about."

"It was written by someone named PrettySprinklesSparklesRainbow," Snape said, his lip curling at the absurdity of it. "That's an especially odd name for a writer…"

"It's probably one of those fake names that those silly writers use," McGonagall suggested with a roll of her eyes, picking up the book to turn it in her hands. She then opened the book and read a section aloud. " 'I had been sitting on my squishy couch (tee hee) and was watching Harry Potter again. I giggled when Harry stormed onto the screen and sighed longingly for the man that I was obviously destined to be with.'" She stopped and raised her eyebrows, staring at the page to make sure that was truly what it said.

"_Potter_?" Snape questioned with a sneer. "This doesn't make any sense."

" 'Then after my fiftieth sigh filled with passionate longing (giggle) I grabbed a piece of paper and started my twentieth list of what our children would look like. I even have a copy here in this journal! (tee hee!) Let's take a look!'" she continued to read. Then, she seemed to realize what was going on. "Oh no. _This_ is the book!"

"With the Mary-Sue?" Snape asked, all color draining from his already pale face. "Close it!" he hissed and ran to the Portrait Hole. But it was too late. The entrance was sealed shut.

The two Professors looked at each other, each thinking the same thing. They were going to murder Dumbledore for sending them in here with the obvious danger and they were thinking about being stuck in a room together for a long period of time.

"We have to keep reading it," McGonagall declared, shaking her head in horror. "It's the only way."

Snape wanted to argue but couldn't find any logic around it. "How is it still functional? Bellatrix has been taken away and she isn't controlling the book."

"Perhaps the Mary-Sue was stronger than even she expected," she replied with terror dripping off her words.

Snape shook his head but bowed his head in defeat as well. And so, with a certain amount of dread, Minerva cleared her throat and continued to read.

**A/N: Lyke, mebbe I didn't kill her. ;) **

**Please review? For the last chapter? :) **


End file.
